1012ht

I really do want to stick it out but I get awful anxiety attacks. I cried the entire way home from our honeymoon because I was so scared to go back to work. Do you think I should try a medical unit? Ultimately I want to do hospice care but I thought it would be best to get some acute experience first. I don't want to disappoint my director but at the same time I don't know how long I can do this on top of everything else going on. It may be best to transfer to another unit but then I won't see as much but may be less stressed. I'm really torn. I honestly just want to be a good nurse.

I'm a new nurse. I started my first job in July on a progressive care unit. I had 12 weeks of orientation and now am on my own. I had been offered a position on days but later asked to go to nights to give myself more time to connect the pieces and adjust- it's a bit slower at night less family less doctors not many procedures if any. Days are INSANE on the unit. Our patient to nurse ratio is rarely less than 6:1 when ideal is 4:1. The acuity has been increasingly worse. We see everything from respiratory issues, GI bleeds, post Cath, chf, etc. such a great unit to learn on. I'm constantly asking questions and struggling to get everything done. I don't always know what to do or say to patients which I know will come with time and practice but I feel lost. Luckily I work with some amazing nurses that are always willing to help but they are all leaving or planning on it due to the workload. Our turnover is very high and we are understaffed. Since I've been there 5 day shift nurses have left and 6 night nurses have left so I know it's not just me. It's just rough and I just don't feel confident being on my own and I feel like the future looks dim with so many others leaving especially the ones I've built wonderful relationships with. It seems like it'll get worse before it gets better and I don't know if I can handle that. I don't know if it's just this unit or that hospital nursing isn't for me. Not to mention in the time since I started my grandmother passed away who I was extremely close to, my cat ran away we are still looking for him, I got married, my husband ended up in the ER from panic attacks, we moved, and I found out I was pregnant (unplanned so a bit of a shock). It's been a whirlwind the past few months and I'm not adjusting well at all. I feel like if I stick it out I could really hurt my mental health but if I leave I will lose a great learning opportunity AND paid maternity leave. I feel stuck and would greatly appreciate advice from some seasoned nurses.