I am in almost the exact situation: 40s, two kids, but also newly single. The part time and freelance gigs I'd been doing while married aren't going to take me into my retirement. SO, nursing school it is! I'm also in New York, but (way) upstate.
My original plan had been to do an ABSN; there are programs--one private, one public--an hour from here. The affordable public one requires a year of chemistry in addition to all the prereqs I finished last summer, so I'd have to wait a year, and not work while I was in school. I decided to go ahead and do the ADN at the local CC instead. (Was accepted for this fall, yay!) The commute is easier, the pace is more manageable, and their graduates have a high NCLEX pass rate and a 100% job placement rate. I can work my old job just enough to keep my health insurance while in school. Planning to do the BSN while working as an RN--though there are tons of jobs for ADNs in the area.
Honestly, I think there are many excellent paths! And as people have said above: avoiding debt is probably the most important thing.