Pre-menopausal and wasted after work

joyflnoyz, LPN · Jul 31, 2005

Each one of those kids are old enough to be shouldering much of responsibility around that house. Lay it on the line to those kids.

YOU ARE NOT THE MAID!!!

If the kitchen is messy when you get home YOU going out for a bite to eat for yourself. They can fend for themselves. Even a 5 years old can make a peanut butter sandwich. Take a day, and plan easy menus for the week..make sure recipes/ingredients are on hand..those older kids can certainly read and follow a recipe. May not be the best food ever eaten,

BUT you are raising functioning adults, not "raising children"--

you are doing those future adults no favors by continuing to do everything and killing yourself. Your 19 yr old can do the grocery shopping for you, given a list.

As far as homework? Sounds like they are all old enough to be responsible for that, too. it is THEIR work, not yours. If they don't do it, they fail the assignment (but learn a life lesson!)

Natural consequences for actions. Don't be bailing them out. They won't learn to do for and be responsible for themselves.

Sandy

edited for typos

TypicalFish · Jul 31, 2005

Each one of those kids are old enough to be shouldering much of responsibility around that house. Lay it on the line to those kids.
YOU ARE NOT THE MAID!!!
If the kitchen is messy when you get home YOU going out for a bite to eat for yourself. They can fend for themselves. Even a 5 years old can make a peanut butter sandwich. Take a day, and plan easy menus for the week..make sure recipes/ingredients are on hand..those older kids can certainly read and follow a recipe. May not be the best food ever eaten,
BUT you are raising functioning adults, not "raising children"--
you are doing those future adults no favors by continuing to do everything and killing yourself. Your 19 yr old can do the grocery shopping for you, given a list.
As far as homework? Sounds like they are all old enough to be responsible for that, too. it is THEIR work, not yours. If they don't do it, they fail the assignment (but learn a life lesson!)
Natural consequences for actions. Don't be bailing them out. They won't learn to do for and be responsible for themselves.
Sandy
edited for typos

Amen, sister! You should come home to a clean kitchen and dinner being made!! A 19 year old is more than old enough to supervise the younger kids to do some chores! I leave at 0530 for my 12 hour shift/or If I am doings 8's as well; I leave a detailed list of who's supposed to do what; they do it or there is no TV, Playstation, XBox, computers, reading, or friends that night. They still have to do their chores-they aren't perfect, and do "slouch" sometimes. I never learned self-governance as a kid-I just want mine to have that self-discipline. I never ask them to do more than they can handle, and I always do my own chores-Ie they clean kitchen and start dinner, I help finish it and help clear up after, we're a team. You need to have a Family Meeting, and tell them what you've told us, and tell them that they need to help-that you're a team. You may be pleasantly surprised; kids like to feel needed and relied upon!

NicInNC, CNA · Jul 31, 2005

Each one of those kids are old enough to be shouldering much of responsibility around that house. Lay it on the line to those kids.
YOU ARE NOT THE MAID!!!
If the kitchen is messy when you get home YOU going out for a bite to eat for yourself. They can fend for themselves. Even a 5 years old can make a peanut butter sandwich. Take a day, and plan easy menus for the week..make sure recipes/ingredients are on hand..those older kids can certainly read and follow a recipe. May not be the best food ever eaten,
BUT you are raising functioning adults, not "raising children"--
you are doing those future adults no favors by continuing to do everything and killing yourself. Your 19 yr old can do the grocery shopping for you, given a list.
As far as homework? Sounds like they are all old enough to be responsible for that, too. it is THEIR work, not yours. If they don't do it, they fail the assignment (but learn a life lesson!)
Natural consequences for actions. Don't be bailing them out. They won't learn to do for and be responsible for themselves.
Sandy
edited for typos

I agree. My 5 and 7 year old make their own cereal in the mornings. Well, the 7 year old pours the milk, but still. And I don't ask them to. The first time they did it, I made such a big deal out of it telling them what big girls they were that they've done it every day since then!

DG5,

Have you gone to your gynocologist? I just started HRT (testosterone) and I'm only 28, but I hear a LOT of good things about HRT. Energy levels increased, stress decreased, etc.

I don't think that is the problem though. I think the problem is that you aren't getting enough help. I'd just STOP doing all that you do and MAKE them fend for themselves. You have an excuse for all your kids not helping. For example, you say your two teens are busy. Like you're NOT??!! Heck, they can cook sometimes! You are their mom. Not their maid. They're walking all over you.

**RosesrReder, BSN, MSN, RN** · Jul 31, 2005

hope you don't mind me posting even though i don't have little ones of my own.

ok, i agree that your family comes first and it should. but, i do think that your husband needs to pick up some of the slack. you are a working mother and so he should equally share the responsibility. the new times are in, and it is so in the past where the women was just home barefoot in the kitchen and pregnant. although, i have no children my husband helps me equally in the house and with the pets. you have to do it that way, it's like we practically can't survive these days without a dual-income......we also can't survive with just one person doing everything in the household. :rolleyes:

secondly, you should slowly but progressively start assigning chores to your children (even the little one), so that things get done around the house and teach them about responsibility at the same time. make a policy where you expect them to be doing their homework while you clean the kitchen and cook dinner, and have the teens help you set the table and maybe the drinks.

you are not a maid, and the family should be more considerate with you. i can see the children (they can learn to help soon)...but your husband's excuss of being too tired is bologna.

lastly, call for a family meeting and let them all know exactly what needs to change in order for things to run more smoothly and for mommy not to be so irritable. when the children get home from school have them immediately get going and active. the sooner things are done, the sooner everyone eats, bathes, and relaxes together and spend some quality family time.

again, things have to start with you. you are the one who needs to talk to the family (put your foot down) and get things going.

i hope it doesn't sound harsh, because it is not my intent. from the bottom of my heart, i wish the best of luck and that things resolve soon for your peace of mind and everyone else's sanity.

jessy :icon_hug:

Bijou-Spice · Jul 31, 2005

DG5 Can't give you kid training ideas but how about some other creative ideas from those without kids!

1. Have you really explored the house cleaner situation, my sister lives near a big city and pays $50 for four hours. I will be hiring one at $13 per hour. So maybe some friends or coworkers have some contacts. Check those small local papers, there has to be someone available. Tell you husband this is not a luxury but a necessity!

2. How about hiring a highschool kid to clean or watch kids while you do the dinner thing or help out for some time after school. I know there are always some dependable kids looking for some money.

3. Can you bargin with your DH that on at least two days per wk he has to be home to relieve you?

4. Do you have a friend or family member that could help you out for a couple days each week in exchange for something that they could use?

5. Find time and money to get yourself at least a half day spa retreat at local salon! You have earned it...five children!!

6. Last thought...they have those home menopause test kits...check out your FSH level...until you get to the dr.

hugs

DG5 · Aug 1, 2005

Thanks guys for the tips - they're all good. I have been doing some of them but its consistency that counts. And I guess summer holidays don't help! The kids are constantly in and out of the house. The family meeting idea is a definitive.

Over the past year the stress at work has just increased to a phenomenol degree - there are always staffing issues and all the nurses are feeling stretched to the limit. I have to find my haven at home somewhere. What do some of you do to de-stress at home?

mattsmom81 · Aug 1, 2005

Well I found out quick i couldn't keep a house and family and work fulltime without driving myself bats...LOL! MY solution was to work PRN and have some control in my schedule so's not to overload. I chose deep nights...I slept while kiddos were in school and we had our evenings together. But part time only, never fulltime...too draining.

Sounds like you are a 'Worn Out Woman'. I just read a great book by that title with lots of good suggestions to nurture yourself and stop being everything to everybody.

Hugs to you and hope you can find some balance soon. :)