Post Partum Depression and trying to get over it?

General E. Speaking, RN, RN · Nov 1, 2004

Hi,
I have had antenatal depression since I was 22 weeks pregnant.
The baby is now 6.5 months old and I am still in the midst of it.
I did one semester of nursing school and got a B- during the midst of it.
Now I am not sure if I even want to be a nurse any more. I had a C section and my epidural failed. I have had so many frightening thoughts. Maybe I am just to sensitive to be a nurse. I cry every day. I try not to, but I do. I need to make this decision by March. Sometimes I think I just crazy.
Has anyone gone thru this and made it?? I am going to a Psychiatrist and am one zoloft, trazadone, bcp, klonopin. I am trying to out more and be with more mothers. Some days just seem so damn hard. I feel like I am never going to get thru this. I don't know how to put this behind me.
PS - I haven't had a problem with depression before this episode. I did take wellbutrin to quit smoking. And this child was wanted

my heart goes out to you! I had pp depression 12 yrs ago after my daughter was born. It basically blind-sided me...I had been around a lot of babies before and never expected to feel that way. I,too, cried all the time. I had mini- anxiety attacks all day long...fleeting feelings of anxiety. I didn't sleep while baby was sleeping and then I was up all night when she was awake. I went to my doc and he put me on Prozac. Family/friend support was also a BIG help. It took me about 8-9 months to feel "normal" again. I think that my experience is part of the reason why I chose to not have any more children. You didn't say much about your home situation. Do you have a good support system? All I can say is keep seeing your doc and lean on your family and friends. You are not alone in the way that you feel...please stay in touch.

Fiona59 · Nov 1, 2004

You are doing all the right things. It too will pass.

The first year of a childs life sucks the life out of the mother. I know I'm espousing an unpopular view, but if you can afford to stay home, stay there. Kids get sick right before finals. Ear infections in the middle of clinicals. They get refused by daycare if their sick. And lets face it they want Mum not granma or auntie when they are sick.

If you can defer school until the baby's older go for it. I stayed home until my kids were in full classes. Got accepted into an RN program, but push came to shove I just couldn't put a 18month old into daycare. When the all of the crew were in grade school I did an LPN. For me its less responsibility and stress, and by working casual you fit work around their lifes.

Money was tight. But its a case of needs and wants. You might want that 60 inch TV but do u really need it.

Go to Mom & Tots groups, talk to little old ladies in Safeway, see if local nursing homes do baby visits. They screen the folks before they get to meet the little guys. You'll learn allsorts of stuff about the elderly, how well your little guy gets along with others. You get out of the house, the old get to see someone under 50, and it counts as volunteer work if you decide to return to school.

PPD sucks. But the black cloud lifts and life goes on. Keep life simple.

Been there and have the tshirt.

laurakoko · Nov 1, 2004

I too had PPD after my chidren. With my first, it lasted app 6-8 weeks. It was bad, but it did go away. With my second child, who was born only 14 months later, it started 3 weeks after I had him. He then got very ill with RSV, croup. I was a disaster! I was caring for a sick newborn, and had a 14 month old! My PPD was SEVERE. I didn't sleep for 3 weeks, didn't eat, (and I was BF), and cried at the drop of a hat. It lasted ALOT longer, probablly 3-5 months! Sometimes I wonder if it is still all gone.....?!?! The MD rx Zoloft, but I had bad side effects, and had to stop. He then gave me Ativan, as my anxiety was thru the roof! I did had to pump and dump, and after a few days just weaned BF, for the baby's sake, (I didn't want him to be on meds too). I had some milk stored though. Ativan worked great, it calmed me, with no "high" feelings, and lasted just long enough to cope. The PPD does go away eventually. Please tell your sig other about PPD, and get some articles off the net for info for him. I did that with mine, and told him it was depression, and just to hug me all the time, and tell me he loved me. I told him not to argue with me, no matter how hard I pushed, and just to please support me thru this time. Having a baby is a HUGE change! It changes you, and all you know of life. It is stressful. Coping, and knowing how to cope to all the change is a big step. Do things for YOU. Have a family member. or friend come over to be with the baby just while you nap, or shower. SLEEP WHILE THE BABY IS SLEEPING. Rest can do worlds of good. And hang in there! You'll adjust and get your nitch! In the meantime, think positivley, and call the doc if you have unsafe thoughts about you or the baby!! And stay in touch here, all these nurses can give support too! :)

RENAISSANCE RN · Nov 3, 2004

Thank for your support. I have family helping, but this has been going on too long and I really think they are sick of me.

Fiona59 · Nov 3, 2004

Terri,

Unless ur MIL is Martha Steward who cares what the house and meals look like? Heck, she's in jail.

My inlaws never knew I had ppd. "only weak people" have mental health issues. They wonder why our kids aren't close to them?

Try to get a sitter at least once a week, for Terri Time. Go sit in the mall, run around the makeup counters, whatever.

Really important: Make hubby take you out as a couple.

My husband never did this and the damage in our marriage is still there. He saw parenthood as a reason to stay home and nest. In the last 15 years I can count on one hand how many times he has made the effort to take me out for a meal, movie, or even coffee. I stopped being the person he married, I became his kids mother. My family tried to make him see that we needed to exist as a couple, as did my Pscyh. He knows best, made the promises, and never followed through. I really think that once the last child finishes college, I'm so out of here. My father summed it up -- even prisoners have a get out of jail date.

General E. Speaking, RN, RN · Nov 3, 2004

Thank for your support. I have family helping, but this has been going on too long and I really think they are sick of me.

Don't give up...keep fighting...it will get better!!

Try some internet support/resources:

http://www.postpartum.net/links.html

General E. Speaking, RN, RN · Nov 3, 2004

Terri,
Unless ur MIL is Martha Steward who cares what the house and meals look like? Heck, she's in jail.
My inlaws never knew I had ppd. "only weak people" have mental health issues. They wonder why our kids aren't close to them?
Try to get a sitter at least once a week, for Terri Time. Go sit in the mall, run around the makeup counters, whatever.
Really important: Make hubby take you out as a couple.
My husband never did this and the damage in our marriage is still there. He saw parenthood as a reason to stay home and nest. In the last 15 years I can count on one hand how many times he has made the effort to take me out for a meal, movie, or even coffee. I stopped being the person he married, I became his kids mother. My family tried to make him see that we needed to exist as a couple, as did my Pscyh. He knows best, made the promises, and never followed through. I really think that once the last child finishes college, I'm so out of here. My father summed it up -- even prisoners have a get out of jail date.

I had difficulty with the role changes that occur with motherhood, too. Not the partner but the mother. I agree that an effort needs to be made to keep the relationship alive (by both husband and wife). It is impossible if that effort is only one-sided.

Good luck to you.