Please help critique my cover letter

[bcandygurl]

Hi everyone,

I have been applying to jobs for the past three months and have been a registered nurse for a month. I feel as if my resume is fine, but I'm not totally confident that my cover letter is. I have changed it multiple times. I would greatly appreciate any suggestions. Thanks!!

Date

Dear Nurse Recruiter:

I am writing to express my desire to begin my nursing career at such and such hospital. I graduated with honors from Such and Such Community College with an Associate of Arts in Nursing on May xx, 2014. Over the course of my 2 years at CC, I have completed over 500 clinical hours in many areas such as long-term care, adult medical-surgical, mental health, obstetrics, pediatrics, and community health. While I ideally would like to work in Maternal and Child Health, I would strongly consider any registered nurse positions that you may have available. I am willing to work evenings,weekends, and am amenable to all shifts.

With over 4 years in the healthcare environment as a researcher, I understand the importance of evidence-based practice and currently applying for admission to such and such RN-BSN program for spring 2015. In addition to my nursing skills, I will bring to my next employer strong leadership and organizational skills gained through my employment as a research program coordinator. Balancing course work, clinical experiences, and a full time job at XXXX has required commitment, time management, planning, and support from family, friends, coworkers,and my supervisor.

I have a strong passion and desire to work in a hospital setting, as I would ultimately like to work in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit and complete my training as a Neonatal Nurse Practitioner. I am ready to continue to develop my skills and expertise and expand my practice as a nurse. I recognize the importance of teamwork and supporting and contributing to the interdisciplinary team. I am highly motivated and dedicated to any and all work I do. As you will find, I take great pride in the care I give.

I would be honored and excited to be a part of your team and contribute my skills to your staff and patients. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to speaking with you and discussing any available opportunities.

Sincerely,

Lastname.firstname

[scaredsilly, BSN, RN]

Associates of arts or science?

I would add "and obtained my RN or PN license in month of this year.

Delete this, I made the same mistake, once I removed it, I began getting calls:

'While I ideally would like to work in Maternal and Child Health, I would strongly consider any registered nurse positions that you may have available. '

Rationale is that no unit wants you if they think you are wanting to move.

Change this because you are not yet enrolled:

"and currently applying for admission to such and such RN-BSN program for spring 2015."

I would say "I plan to return to school for my BSN next year".

Remove this:

'Balancing course work, clinical experiences, and a full time job at XXXX has required commitment, time management, planning, and support from family, friends, coworkers,and my supervisor.'

It sounds like a struggle. It also makes one question if you would function if your support system disappeared.

I would then add something like "I have proven excellent time management and organizational skills".

Remove this:

'as I would ultimately like to work in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit and complete my training as a Neonatal Nurse Practitioner. '

Same rationale as above. If there is only an open med/surg position you don't want to be overlooked because they fear you will move.

Change this 'any available opportunities' to 'how I would fit in with the (name of hospital) family'

Best of luck!!

[llg, PhD, RN]

I strongly agree with the previous poster on all points. By saying that you want Maternal-Child, NICU, etc., you are announcing that you will not stay long in any other types of jobs, thereby eliminating yourself from consideration. Few people are looking to hire someone who is not really interested in THEIR particular clinical specialty.

[bcandygurl]

Thanks, everyone!! I was thinking I probably should remove any indication that I was interested in one specific specialty. However, I saw somewhere that you should mention your long term goals.

[bcandygurl]

Oh yea, and I have an Associate of Arts and I didn't put anything in regards to my license since it is on my resume but I guess I will add it.