Please Help! Confused, soon to be...?

I love being a nurse, but if I had already put so much effort toward a career in medicine and had not yet started nursing school, I don't think there would be a doubt about going to med school. I know lots of successful married docs with kids, so I don't think that the two are mutually exclusive.

I'm confused though - I guess I figured that med schools would require a decision from you more than two to three months in advance.

For what it's worth, I've been researching the two career paths myself lately and I think it comes down to models of care. The nurse practitioner model is very different from the medical model - which do you prefer? Also, there's no doubt that medical training is incredibly grueling (sometimes, it seems, for the sake of being grueling). Is that what you want your life to be for the next 5-10 yrs? Those are the issues I weighed.

Thank you both for your replies. In answer to your question, Eric, I already accepted my seat in med school, but I always have the option of declining it, up until the day classes start. And BAtoCNM, what did you decide? It sounds like nursing and if so, are you happy with your choice? Any regrets?

I wish I could be of more help, but I'm just in the application phase of my nursing journey (that's why I prefaced my post with "for what it's worth"). However, I arrived at this point after exploring several career paths in public health and direct service, and I personally have found that choosing medicine or nursing depends entirely on what you want to do. Do you want to be in research? If so, in what capacity - as a principal investigator, or part of a team? Or would you rather spend your days with patients? If so, again, in what capacity? Being a pediatric nurse practitioner is different from being a pediatrician is different from doing research in pediatric medicine. I came to the conclusion that I don't want to be a surgeon, would like to be able to spend time with my patients, and don't need to be the PI to feel like I'm contributing to a research project. So, there was no reason for me to pursue medical school. It just wouldn't take me where I think I want to go.

Hi Merry01

I was in the same boat as you this year - I'm 27 and was accepted to med school but I declined to go - for basically the same concerns that you have. I still don't know if it was the right choice or not - but the main thing for me was that I am already in debt from school and I started having panic attacks about (and I calculated this for the school I was going to attend + preexisting debt) being $270,000 in debt after graduating med school, being 34 after completing residency and then starting a family and paying back that debt. For me it was too much and I didn't want to do that - but I know plenty of other people that are doing this and are happy. It's a personal decision - but you worked very hard to get into med school so really think it through before you decide to give up your seat - will you regret it later on or if you go into nursing will it always be in the back of your mind that you could've been a doctor? If it's what you really want you should do it - but I completely understand your situation - it's a really hard decision to make. No one can really answer this question but you - you need to have a heart to heart with your husband to make sure that you have his full support either way because both paths will have some sacrifice involved.

Good luck!

FLAgal: what did you decide? Any regrets?

Merry: I'm sure you did work very hard to get to this point. However, if you've completed pre-med reqs you're in fine shape to pursue nursing or a number of other fields. It's not as if what you've done thus far has been a waste of time or will be inapplicable.

I too have spoken with happy docs/ambivalent docs/miserable docs. I spoke with several unhappy physicians who said that after med school/residency they felt that they'd put in so much time and money, they had to go forward with the career even though they weren't too happy with it. Another physician also just told me that often when docs say "I can't imagine doing anything else" that sentiment is shaped by the huge amount of time and money they invested in being trained to do that one thing, and thus they have lost the ability to imagine themselves in another role.

Just thought I'd add that! It really helped me when I realized that med school was "the decision" b/c once it was over I might well feel obligated to continue, whether or not I was satisfied with the MD path.

BAtoCNM: I decided not to go to med school and pursue a NP degree instead.

Merry: BAtoCNM made some very good points about dissatisfied doctors. I have a lot of friends that are currently medical residents that are already having second thoughts about their career choice - but then again I have some crazy surgical resident friends that love it and you can't make them leave the hospital for anything. It all depends on you and why you are choosing the path you choose - you have to choose it for the right reasons and only you can figure out what exactly the right reasons for you are. Also - like BAtoCNM said, if you choose nursing all your prior hard work isn't a waste because you already completed your pre-med req's and you may just have a few more to take for nursing. Both careers have their pros and cons, and each have some personal sacrifices you may have to make on your way there - what I did that helped me a little bit was to make a pro/con list and weigh it out. I talked the list over with my fiance and he helped me to make the decision that we both thought would be the best for me in the long run.

FLAgirl, it's so nice to know that someone else went through this same thing! So many people act like I'm crazy for not jumping at this chance, but there are so many issues that need to be addressed, either way. I've got to be honest, the debt terrifies me! I want a family when I am done, and I will be over $250,000 in debt, meaning I will have to work full-time. Being a part-time Dr. and part-time mom is not an option when that much money is in play. Do you have any regrets for not going? Do you look back and wish you could change things? I think I have come to the decision that I will regret whatever I chose; now, I am just trying to figure out wht I can live with! Thank you all so much for your help and your honesty!

I just thought of something that was an issue for me last year. How important is prestige for you? Does "Dr. Merry" have a special ring to it that you would be devastated to lose? I'm being totally serious. For some people, the pressure for the prestige is enough to tip the scales.

Merry, give yourself some credit for taking the time to give this enormous decision the significant thought it deserves! That takes guts.

Also, "jump at this chance"? You got into med school once, you can do it again. It's not as if the med school genies will punish you by ruining your life if you decline them now. The question isn't whether you have the talent, but whether the med school offer will make you happy in the long run. Don't worry - you will make the best decision you can make for yourself and your life, and therefore will not struggle with huge regrets. Best of luck, Merry!!

I'll only admit this because you brought it up! But, yes, I want to be "Dr. Merry", is that terrible? I'll be honest, pride is definatley an issue in all of this. I wonder if I become a nurse, will I always think in the back of my mind ... I could have been a dr. I don't mean to offend anyone by that because I KNOW nurses are SO important, but this is something I have thought about. So, is it worth 7-8 years of school and over $250,000 because of my pride? Just reading what I typed, I'm thinking what an idiot I am and of course it's not worth it, but I just can't seem to let this go.

Seriously, what does it come down to? I have struggled with this decision for months and I cannot decide. Our house is for sale (we have to move to VA for med school). I've paid my deposit for school, I have no job come Aug. 1, but even with all of that I can't seem to make myself go. I have family here, a neice and nephew, my parents live here, my friends are here and I'm happy here! I already enrolled in nursing classes, so I am ready to go, either way I decide, but I can't seem to figure this out!!!! My husband wants to go to VA, but I am scared to death! I've made pro's and con's lists, I've talked abou it, I've prayed about it, and I feel stuck. I have to decide soon, if we don't go, we need to get out of our rental lesae in VA. So, what else is there to do? I know this decision has to be made by me, but I feel like I just can't do it...

Hi Merry01

I understand the fear factor - I was scared to death when I was accepted to med school - more scared than excited and I don't think that our two examples are isolated incidents because it seems that all new incoming med students are scared - you hear the horror stories, the unhappiness - what it comes down to is the fear of the unknown and how the future will pan out now that you have chosen this path. You never know what will happen in the future or what the future of medicine or healthcare is going to be like and if 20 years down the road you look back and think that you made the wrong choice. What you have to reconcile with is that it was the right choice for you at the time - the grass is always greener on the other side. I went through the exact same situation as you are currently going through and I talked to my med school friends about it and one of them said - if you are unsure don't do it - med school is always going to be there, it's not going away and it can be something you can do later on when you decide that it's what you really want. And I keep reminding myself of that and why I declined my seat in med school - although I will have to admit it still lurks in the back of my mind - I've always wanted to be a doctor and it is hard to turn down that dream once you finally achieved it - I try not to look at it as turning down a dream but reinventing it or rather rerouting my dream. Why is it that you want to be a doctor? And do you think that being a nurse will satisfy you as much as your desire to be a doctor would? What type of medicine were you going to practice and could you do this as a nurse too? Some of the other cons that turned me off to medicine was that being a doctor is like running a business nowadays and that the patient contact is not what it used to be - that doctors now have their hands and faces in paperwork rather than having direct patient care. I thought being a nurse would allow me to have the direct patient care because that is what I crave. You should also check out mommd too - it's a good site to get some realistic views on how being a doctor or in med school or residency have affected women and their families - it's a mixed bag (there's positive and negative stories) but it's realistic and truthful. It can give you a picture - especially if you are interested in having a child. One of the things I was worried about was my age (27) and when the heck I was going to find time to pop some babies out before all my eggs dies off:) It's a hard decision to make but you have to make the decision that you feel most comfortable with - would it be possible for you to defer for a year while you sort these issues out?

No, it's not terrible that you want to be a Dr. Merry, if this is so hard, could that mean it's the wrong choice, at least for now?