Just had to write. My little sweetie passed away last night. I know he is better off but I will miss him so much. I've taken care of him since June of 2000. I guess I feel guilty in some way, I left full time taking care of him 2 years ago because I wanted to go back to school to get my RN and went to the hospital to work pull (so I could get the same amt of pay for working 3 days instead of 10). I would go take care of him a couple of times a month during the first year when I was taking my prereq and was canceled at the hospital. Then Feb of 2005 I had to have bilat hernia repair, so I would only work every now and then at nights so I wouldn't have to pick him up, just turn him (weighed 80 lbs.) When I left full time he was in great shape had not been in the hospital in over a year so I felt comfortable leaving. That first year he was admitted 3 times for pneumonia, nurses were coming and going. This last year he got a regular daytime nurse and he hasn't had to go into the hospital until Thursday. When I finished school I had every intention in going back to work for him, but I have pulled the hernia's out again the doctor said that it was from lifting and pulling on patients and that if I kept on I would just continuelly have to have them operated on. So a opening in the nursery came open and I took it. It was the hardest thing to tell his mother that I was not coming back. But I kept in contact with them. I was working Thursday night and heard the other nurse talking that a kid was med flighted out to another hospital from the ER. When they said it was a 10 year old on a vent my heart dropped. I called his house and found out it was him. I feel good that I went to see him in the hospital PICU on Friday. His mom said that I was the only one that come, she cried on my shoulder and me hers. From what she told me and what I saw I believe he was septic. They were having a hard time keeping his blood pressure up. I stayed for a hour and let his mom talk, she was fighting with herself on the decision of letting him go or not. So we talked about that. I left at 1pm so that his dad could come back, they only allow 2 vistors at a time. I also knew it was bad because they were allowing them to stay back there all they wanted instead of the set visiting hours. At 7 pm his mom called to tell me he had passed, that when his dad came back after I left they told the docs to let him go.
I know he is in a better place now where he can run, jump and play, but I am going to miss his smile and how he like to pick at me and visa versa. After taking care of him that long it is like losing one of my own kids. I still haven't told my kids yet. They were attached to him to. During the summers I would take them over to his house to let them play while I worked, he loved it. The first time I took my daughter and thought this isn't going to work (she was 3 and he was 6) we were sitting on the couch and she would put her hand on my leg and then he would put his hand on my other leg, well she would push it off and say "My Mama", he would then put it back on my leg and say "My Penny" well it turned out to be a game with both of them grinning from ear to ear. I think it went on for about a hour. After that she always asked when she would get to go back to see him.
