We've all been there. In our time as nurses, we've heard patients say some pretty wild things. Whether it's off-the-wall reasons for how they came to need medical care or something as seemingly mundane as a catchphrase which a patient uttered that resulted in you having a laughing fit; those memorable phrases, reasons or moments could win you one of two $250 Amazon.com gift cards courtesy of relode.
Dust off those memories and leave them in the comment form below. The two grand prize winners will be announced during National Nurses Week but have no fear - even if you don't win one of the grand prizes, we are giving away some cool runner-up prize packs to two more lucky winners!
We all know that patients say the darnedest things, let us hear your best! Thanks for all that you, our nation's nurses, do and Happy National Nurses Week!
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Just this morning actually I was caring for a woman in her 80s who recently had a THR. Since she was on total hip precautions, she had a wedge pillow between her legs. She complained about being uncomfortable because the wedge pillow was so big (It actually was bigger than the ones we normally use. I had never seen one like this at our facility before). She said, "I don't mean to be a pain... I don't ALWAYS complain about big things being between my legs."
An older lady being taught to self cath after a bladder repair had to call her sister on the phone because..."She won't believe it when I tell her there are 3 holes down there!"
I work at the VA one night I had a patient that was a 92 year old woman. She was very tiny and frail. After caring for her for a couple of days I came to work and found she had been extremely constipated and in pain. The dayshift nurse had been giving her morphine for her pain. (which worsens the constipation). As soon as I could I got an order for suppositories and an enema. These worked very effective. Soon she had an huge BM. She called me to her room and told me. "You know these guys who have lots of pain, I want to tell you that instead of giving them morphine or other pain pills just give them an enema and all there pain will go away." We have a lot of veterans with severe pain issues. I am not sure how they would react to that.
I had a lady a few weeks ago who frequently would ask for me whether I was there or not because she believed I was the only nurse capable of giving her meds. One night she rings for them and I was about to take them in when she asked the aide in helping her roommate where the "short little blonde girl is that is really pretty but a little stupid." When I went in to take her meds I joked with her and said she was getting it quick because she called me pretty. She goes "You are pretty, I have always thought you were pretty. It's okay if you're not right in the head. Your Looks make up for it."
I was getting my patient up to the chair, POD 1 CABG. After I got her settled into the chair, I let her daughter back in. The patient was stating some discomfort to her lower back and she asked if I could gently massage her lower back. I swiftly obliged and started to ever so gently massage her lower back. After 15 seconds or so, she quietly lets out a deep, soft moan and I ask her if shes okay, and that I am not exacerbating the discomfort. She quickly replies, " Honey, you've obviously never heard a woman moan before."
When I was admitting an elderly alcoholic patient who was abusive to his family (and combative to the staff) to a psychiatric unit for rehab on a 5150 hold, I asked all the usual questions. He wanted to know why he was being admitted to the facility. I told him that his wife and daughter were concerned that he had a drinking problem. He replied, "I don't have a drinking problem. I drink a bottle of gin, I feel good. I drink another bottle of gin and feel even better!" He was quite a character.
The wildest thing I ever heard a patient say was so hilarious it had all the staff at the nurses station in tears because we were laughing so hard. It was a fairly quiet night and this particular patient had been NPO for a couple of days due to a bowel obstruction. The call bell rang out and I answered via speaker and said "Can I help you?" He then replied "Yes ma'am, I am so hungry, I could eat the ass end out of a rag doll!" All the staff just busted out laughing! Matter of a fact we all still laugh about that one!
I had a little 90 year old lady say, "I need to empty my pocketbook." I searched for her purse for 30 minutes before I realized emptying her pocketbook was her polite way of telling me she had to go pee.
As a Telehealth Nurse for 10 years, I covered a myriad of symptom triage and mental health calls. One however will stand out in my mind as "thankful for the mute button" on my computer. The patient was calling with severe symptoms of diarrhea. After numerous questions I asked, "Have you been out of the country lately?" The question was meant to rule out 'travelers diarrhea.' His response was "No I haven't been to the city lately."
Thank you for the mute button whilst I stifled my giggles before returning to being professional!
CloverPark, BSN, RN
42 Posts
Just this morning actually I was caring for a woman in her 80s who recently had a THR. Since she was on total hip precautions, she had a wedge pillow between her legs. She complained about being uncomfortable because the wedge pillow was so big (It actually was bigger than the ones we normally use. I had never seen one like this at our facility before). She said, "I don't mean to be a pain... I don't ALWAYS complain about big things being between my legs."