Overcoming Fear and Avoidance

[im-a-radio]

Hi,

I am a new grad nurse, went back to school and felt so passionate about nursing at first. I still have that passion but I feel like a fraud at times. The pandemic had a bit of a hit on my confidence and that's when things started to fall apart for me. I felt less confident in clinical - second-guessed my abilities constantly as I lost clinical time and lost some of my momentum with studying. I'm a hard worker and I know I have the critical thinking skills to do the job, but I feel terrified literally all the time. I'm now working and go back and forth between good days and bad days: days where I feel like I'm doing amazing and I'm exactly where I'm meant to be, and days where I feel so unprepared and foolish. I constantly worry that I'm not doing enough. That I'm going to make a mistake. That I don't know enough. That others are judging me behind my back. It's definitely a bit of imposter syndrome, and I tell myself that the fact that I care so much and I'm so worried means that I am doing OK. I also acknowledge that it will likely feel that way for a while in the career and that every career takes time. The issue also extends to the work environment - we all know that "nurses eat their young" but I find the overall culture to be hostile. People are always looking to blame someone. I constantly find myself in conversations where nurses are excruciatingly judgemental of other nurses decision making, their work habits, etc. I find myself constantly wondering what people say about me, especially since I ask many questions and am open about my lack of clinical skills. I have been open about these concerns and my coworkers often assuage my feelings and state that I'm doing well. Regardless, the fear of being judged by my peers persists.

My other current issue is that I'm terrified to write my NCLEX. I have time due to the temp license, but it feels like a ticking time bomb that only heightens my feelings of ineptitude; I feel like failing will confirm all the negative feelings I have about myself. I have been avoiding studying and I have always been a procrastinator but this is on a different level. I know what I have to do but this career is so intimidating when you are anxious... any words of advice would mean a lot. 
Thanks

[JKL33]

May reply to specific points later, but as an opening question — do you happen to be one who struggles with garden variety anxiety (tendency toward anxiety/generalized anxiety), for example prone to perseveration or overthinking things, general tendency toward worrying etc— Or do you believe this is purely situational? 

[im-a-radio]

You read me like a book....it is definitely related to a long history of anxiety, and this scenario is not too different than others I have gone through in past jobs. This time the stakes are just higher for me I guess.

[HiddenAngels]

Hi, im-a-radio (cute name)

I have a few suggestions for ya..

1. Start meditating and learn some relaxation techniques.  Not only will it help you keep a well-balanced mind but you will have the mental focus you need to start the NCLEX

2. Stay away from toxic people, they were toxic yesterday, they are toxic today and they are going to be toxic tomorrow.  The only things you'll get from them is, you guessed it ☠️toxicity  ...  Go forward with your life and career, don't get stagnate and fall into the humdrum.

and...

3.  Look ahead to your future self, your confidence assured.  Picture yourself mentoring other nurses such as yourself, what advice would you give them.  Now give yourself that same advice, give yourself a chance.  GL

[hppygr8ful, ASN, RN, EMT-I]

im-a-radio said:

You read me like a book....it is definitely related to a long history of anxiety, and this scenario is not too different than others I have gone through in past jobs. This time the stakes are just higher for me I guess.

Based on your answer above, Per terms of service we can't give medical advice but were this me I would seek out assistence form a mental health professional, pastor or other professional to work on your feeling of anxiety. I dealth with anxiety due to trauma as a child and once I got out into the adult world it became crippeling. Itall ended with a fortuanatly failed attempt to end my life. 

I am OK now but it took forty some odd years to get here.

 

[im-a-radio]

thank you for this. I think posting this and the replies helped me realize I might just need some extra help right now!

[im-a-radio]

HiddenAngels said:

Hi, im-a-radio (cute name)

I have a few suggestions for ya..

1. Start meditating and learn some relaxation techniques.  Not only will it help you keep a well-balanced mind but you will have the mental focus you need to start the NCLEX

2. Stay away from toxic people, they were toxic yesterday, they are toxic today and they are going to be toxic tomorrow.  The only things you'll get from them is, you guessed it ☠️toxicity  ...  Go forward with your life and career, don't get stagnate and fall into the humdrum.

and...

3.  Look ahead to your future self, your confidence assured.  Picture yourself mentoring other nurses such as yourself, what advice would you give them.  Now give yourself that same advice, give yourself a chance.  GL

Thanks haha! It is a reference to a Joni Mitchell song I love, "You Turn Me On, I'm a Radio". If you haven't heard it and you like folk music I highly recommend. 

Appreciate your comments so much more than you could know. Knowing there are nurses out there that support other nurses like this is another wonderful reason to focus on the future. I want to be able to do that for others soon! 

Thank you so so so much.

[JKL33]

im-a-radio said:

You read me like a book....it is definitely related to a long history of anxiety, and this scenario is not too different than others I have gone through in past jobs. This time the stakes are just higher for me I guess.

For those who suffer with a tendency toward anxiety I think it is pretty common for things to get severe (or at least have that potential) when challenged by a specific stressor. I do recommend that you reach out to your PCP for further evaluation and to see if there are any additional interventions that can help you regain control.

 A few comments that I hope can at least give you different ways of thinking about things:

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I'm now working and go back and forth between good days and bad days: days where I feel like I'm doing amazing and I'm exactly where I'm meant to be, and days where I feel so unprepared and foolish.

It is pretty common to have days where you feel like things are going great and others where you feel....unprepared and foolish....exactly as you said. That's a great way of putting it!  We can all probably recall the highs and lows pretty well from when we were new as they tend to really stick with us. But in the end these experiences are what teach us; they are learning.

Quote

we all know that "nurses eat their young"

I just have to say something about this. We hear it all the time. You've heard it and we've all heard it here. I want you to know that some of us do not agree with this in the way that it is generally told.

As a new grad I was surrounded by many very experienced nurses (compared to what is found on floors in 2025). Many on my unit were certified in the relevant specialty and had at least 10 years experience. My preceptors (one from day shift, one when I moved to nights) were amazing. My main preceptor had worked on my unit since the year I was born. They were all over every detail of our sick patients. They were intimidating **in my own mind** because of how much they had it together. But they were also really willing to teach me. They were awesome and did not eat me. Remember this: Confident, well-adjusted nurses who feel secure in their role and know what they are doing and have their stuff together in life generally do not eat their young. I'll leave it to you to then surmise who does eat their young. And it really, then, isn't nurses eating their young--it's just people who have various problems in life...interacting with others.

People are people. Very generally speaking, some can have mean tendencies and some have more tendencies toward kindness. Some of these are nurses. Some are experienced nurses and some are new. LOL - that should clear it up. See what I'm saying? Anyone of any stripe could be any "type." You can be experienced and kind or new and rude. Or an experienced nurse who feels the best way to learn is to be thrown to the wolves (booo!) or a new nurse with a wonderful kind attitude. And anything in between. There are a lot of factors that influence all of this, but the deciding factor is not whether or not someone is new or experienced.  

Honestly that should bring you some comfort. There actually is not a pack of hungry wolves coming for those of you who are new.  

Just try to show kindness to others and leave their attitudes and responses to them. Don't take on their problems. If they are unkind that's on them. If they're standing around gossiping about others, that's on them. If they are rude and condescending, that's on them. If they're lazy that's on them. But if *you* decide that something is wrong with yourself because someone else might be talking about you....now *you* have made their problem a you problem. Don't do that.

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My other current issue is that I'm terrified to write my NCLEX. I have time due to the temp license, but it feels like a ticking time bomb that only heightens my feelings of ineptitude

Ya think? Get that thing done PRONTO!  That's my opinion. It's very possible that this is simply having the effect of a cloud of terror hanging over your head and is *really* affecting how you are feeling about things as a new grad. This has negative feedback loop potential all over it! Have a 'new grad learning moment' at work (ie made small mistake) >> "I'm gonna fail the NCLEX!!" Meanwhile, since you haven't passed the NCLEX yet, you're going through every single day subconsciously reminding yourself that there's a real possibility that you're gonna eventually find out that you actually can't do this work!!

GET THE NCLEX DONE. 

Get it done. 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽