Ortho poetry

Nurses Humor


after a long day working trauma/orthopedics in Seattle..........

It was day shift on Ortho, and all along the floor,

patients were yelling 'knock before opening my door!';

Armed with my 'brain' and my alcohol swabs,

I looked 'round the breakroom and thought, 'man, we're slobs!';

As I stepped on the floor, the call lights were ringing,

5-1, I don't know--let me see who I'm getting!;

A trach, tropicana, med seeker and psych--

At least I am working with nurses I like!'

To 13 to 10-1 to 5-1 I run,

feels like this day will never be done;

As for that trach, things couldn't be badder,

The aide helped me turn him, then I heard a splatter;

Never have I seen someone move quite that fast,

as I did when the aide jumped aside and phlegm shot past;

Phlegm, I know is my achilles heel,

the sight of it makes me start to reel;

So we turned the patient back, and I got out the suction,

So glad the yankaur wasn't too clogged to function;

My tropicana was another story,

slightly less goo, but slightly more gory;

Now gore is a thing with which I have no issues,

unlike phlegm and things caught up in tissues;

The room was so hot, I started to sweat,

as did my patient-now his bed was wet,

So up to the chair, I settled him in,

Then stripped down the bed and tucked him back in;

We microwave Comfort baths, generally speaking,

but for this poor guy whose sweat glands were leaking;

Into the fridge went that pack of moist cloths,

Later, his back with cool cloths I washed,

Back to that psych patient-you think I've forgotten?!

Her attitude stinks, she also smells rotten;

But short of tying her down (thats obscene!)

there was no way of getting her clean.

An air freshener from stores, to minimize this nasty,

but three hours later, no word from the UST

Heaven forbid, don't call 8-3-8-4,

A reprimand from them, you'll be in store for

Pain issues seem to be the theme of the day,

"I swear it's contagious", I was heard to say.

Starting in one room then down to the others,

Someone should warn PRS docs to take cover

Bolus then bolus then bolus some more,

Oops, my PCA key is now stuck in the door,

Must have turned it a bit to quick,

hurry, all these pain meds are making him sick!

The debate between Reglan and Zofran is easy,

Zofran always makes patients less queasy.

With Reglan I have had not as much luck,

but it's great when somebody's bowels are stuck!

Which happens too often when taking these narcs,

stool inside decides to just park

Have you ever debated with an 18-year-old,

the merits of mag citrate-those bottles are gold!

And who in their right mind named 'Go-litely' so--

In my experience the right name is just 'GO'!!

Off of the bowels, my mind must not linger,

now there's no cap refill on my tropicana's finger!

Lets get some dextran and leeches Q 2,

In comes the order, but the finger is blue.

So off to the OR he heads in a rush,

oh good, we'll give his room to someone hit by a bus.

It's all never-ending, or at least thats how it seems,

Patients keep coming--were splitting at the seams!

Not one but two hallway patients parked at the desk,

Give them some screens, and hope for the best.

'Cause Harborview's full but we keep on admitting,

No one else gives the care our patients are getting.

If ever I'm picked up at an accident scene,

'Take me to Harborview' is what I will scream.

Altra, BSN, RN

6,255 Posts

Specializes in Emergency & Trauma/Adult ICU.

Thought provoking, alyca ...

Thanks for sharing.

Specializes in ortho/neuro/general surgery.
Thought provoking, alyca ...

Thanks for sharing.

Cute! Sounds mostly like my ortho floor! :-)

Specializes in Pediatrics.

I like it! Thanks! Sounds like you had quite a busy day... :) and still had the knack to write it out for our reading pleasure. :) that's talent!!

Specializes in ortho/neuro/general surgery.
My tropicana was another story,

slightly less goo, but slightly more gory;

Even though I also work on an ortho floor, I must confess my ignorance- what is a tropicana? :specs:

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