Organ Procurement

Loxam10,

Thank you for reaching out. We are here for you! I'm sorry you are going through a tough time.

Is it the actual procurement that is bothering you or the fact that you lost a 6 year old boy for a senseless reason? If it was the procurement, was it something specific?

I completely agree with Rose Queen that you should ask for a debriefing and/or seek counseling on your own. You are obviously processing a lot and no healthcare worker should go through the type of experience you are having alone. Please private message me if you want additional ideas.

It's always horrible when it's little kids. I'd find someone to talk to- a co-worker or a therapist. If that didn't help I'd go see my PCP for a benzo for a few weeks to deal with the sleeping and the grief. You still need to go to work, and if you're not sleeping and can't get your mind off of it, well, you know the rest.

Take care of yourself. I absolutely could not handle that, I cannot even begin to imagine what you're going through. I teared up reading your post, and I'm not someone who has a lot of feelings. You have to find a way not to let this consume you. I don't know exactly how one is supposed to do that, though.

Thank you all for the advice. My hospital hasnt offered any type of debriefing but I will ask about it. I think it is some of both that is bothering me (the procurement itself and the accident). The act of organ donation is a beautiful thing. So the actual act of watching the organ be removed isnt what bothered me. My mind just kind of summed it up to another case. Last time I was able to separate myself until after the case. This is what keeps replaying in my head.. During the time out the representative from life connection read a letter that the little boys mom wrote to the procurement team. It talked about his personality and asked us to please tell him mommy loves him. So from the start of the case I was already emotional. This was not a coroners case so at the end we had to take all of his lines out and clean him up. I was towards his head so I ended up taking out his ET tube and the EVD catheter that was sutured in. The feeling of pulling those lines out sticks with you. I know I need to continue going to work and I have. But it makes you wonder if you are really strong enough to continue being a pediatric nurse... If my hospital doesnt offer any type of debriefing then I will seek it on my own. It is nice to know that I am not alone and that it is somewhat "normal" to feel this way. Thanks again for the advice and any more would be much appreciated.

Thank you all for the advice. My hospital hasnt offered any type of debriefing but I will ask about it. I think it is some of both that is bothering me (the procurement itself and the accident). The act of organ donation is a beautiful thing. So the actual act of watching the organ be removed isnt what bothered me. My mind just kind of summed it up to another case. Last time I was able to separate myself until after the case. This is what keeps replaying in my head.. During the time out the representative from life connection read a letter that the little boys mom wrote to the procurement team. It talked about his personality and asked us to please tell him mommy loves him. So from the start of the case I was already emotional. This was not a coroners case so at the end we had to take all of his lines out and clean him up. I was towards his head so I ended up taking out his ET tube and the EVD catheter that was sutured in. The feeling of pulling those lines out sticks with you. I know I need to continue going to work and I have. But it makes you wonder if you are really strong enough to continue being a pediatric nurse... If my hospital doesnt offer any type of debriefing then I will seek it on my own. It is nice to know that I am not alone and that it is somewhat "normal" to feel this way. Thanks again for the advice and any more would be much appreciated.

It sounds like Donation after Cardiac Death where you were in the OR with him. These are very different cases than after the determination of clinical brain death where for the ICU staff it's much more of a hands off approach to donation after the patient management piece of it. You were in the thick of it. Been there and can relate on many levels. But yes, donation is an AMAZING gift.

If you are open to therapy there is something called EMDR...Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing...that I think may be really helpful. Check out What is EMDR? | EMDR Institute – EYE MOVEMENT DESENSITIZATION AND REPROCESSING THERAPY to understand what it is. You would need to find a therapist who is trained in this method. I have known several firefighters, paramedics, and nurses who have tried this after a bad call/case and have had amazing results in eliminating flashbacks, sleep issues etc. It helps your brain reorganize your thoughts. Sounds hokey to many, but everyone I've known that has tried it was amazed with the outcome. Be open. Get yourself the help you need. Don't question your strength. You ARE strong...just had one of those tough cases. Hang in there! We are here for you.

I don't have any advice, but [[hugs]].