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Open Mouth-Insert Foot!

Posted

Specializes in Alzheimers and geriatric patients. Has 12 years experience.

Okay I got a million of these!

I was giving a new resident a bed bath the other day (she's very heavy set) and when I got to her chest I blurted out "oh you've had a mastectomy" because I only saw one intact breast. She looked at my strange for a minute and lifted her arm. Her breast was so big and it had sagged so much it was just under her arm!!! I could have crawled under a rock and died I was so embarassed.

Another time I got floated to a hall I hadn't worked on in a while. I remebered a resident who had had one leg amputated and went to help another aide change him. Well about 5 minutes into it, I looked down and realized he had no legs and before I could stop myself i said "OMG, I just noticed you had your other leg amputated". That was the first time I heard an 80 year old man say "DUH"

As a reply to a family member inquiring about how their father was doing today, I felt the need to say "OH he's dead to the world". WHY WHY WHY do I do these things! It took me a few minutes to calm this woman down enough to explain that he was asleep.

Once a family member asked me what MRSA was. I proceded to tell them it was a staph infection resistant to drugs caused by micro orgasms!! She didn't miss a beat and replied "I didn't know having orgasms could cause someone to get so sick. I'll have to tell my husband we're lucky to have survived the honeymoon."

Kill me now you guys! I have got to stop saying these things! Please share your stories so I feel better about my diaherra of the mouth!

Sorry, no stories yet, but thanks for the laugh! :) (If it makes you feel any better, I could see myself saying some of the same things some day!)

ZanatuBelmont

Specializes in Rehabilitation; LTC; Med-Surg.

Okay I got a million of these!

I was giving a new resident a bed bath the other day (she's very heavy set) and when I got to her chest I blurted out "oh you've had a mastectomy" because I only saw one intact breast. She looked at my strange for a minute and lifted her arm. Her breast was so big and it had sagged so much it was just under her arm!!! I could have crawled under a rock and died I was so embarassed.

Another time I got floated to a hall I hadn't worked on in a while. I remebered a resident who had had one leg amputated and went to help another aide change him. Well about 5 minutes into it, I looked down and realized he had no legs and before I could stop myself i said "OMG, I just noticed you had your other leg amputated". That was the first time I heard an 80 year old man say "DUH"

As a reply to a family member inquiring about how their father was doing today, I felt the need to say "OH he's dead to the world". WHY WHY WHY do I do these things! It took me a few minutes to calm this woman down enough to explain that he was asleep.

Once a family member asked me what MRSA was. I proceded to tell them it was a staph infection resistant to drugs caused by micro orgasms!! She didn't miss a beat and replied "I didn't know having orgasms could cause someone to get so sick. I'll have to tell my husband we're lucky to have survived the honeymoon."

Kill me now you guys! I have got to stop saying these things! Please share your stories so I feel better about my diaherra of the mouth!

You've done what many people refuse to do: admit you have a big mouth. So do I, and it has taken me years to keep it shut. I've learned to count to five or 10 before I answer any question. Cheesy, sure, but it works.

greeniebean

Specializes in Alzheimers and geriatric patients. Has 12 years experience.

I have a bad habit of speaking before I think!! It's kinda funny that I want to be a nurse-the job where tact is your friend! Oh well, it makes for funny stories later on!

I work on OB/GYN and one day I was assisting with a circumcision. I was brand new at this point.

I wheeled the baby into the circ room and the doctor commented, "oh, that baby has such beautiful, long eyelashes." Now, seeing as how long, beautiful eyelashes are typically associated with females, but being a newborn baby it's sometimes hard to tell the gender just by looking at the face, I said,

"Is it a boy or a girl?"

ABOUT A BABY ABOUT TO BE CIRCUMCISED. I just wasn't thinking! The other two people in the room laughed and that was my answer. :p Doh!

greeniebean

Specializes in Alzheimers and geriatric patients. Has 12 years experience.

I work on OB/GYN and one day I was assisting with a circumcision. I was brand new at this point.

I wheeled the baby into the circ room and the doctor commented, "oh, that baby has such beautiful, long eyelashes." Now, seeing as how long, beautiful eyelashes are typically associated with females, but being a newborn baby it's sometimes hard to tell the gender just by looking at the face, I said,

"Is it a boy or a girl?"

ABOUT A BABY ABOUT TO BE CIRCUMCISED. I just wasn't thinking! The other two people in the room laughed and that was my answer. :p Doh!

Oh :lol2: how funny!!!

mncna08

Specializes in assisted living & memory care.

Lol i cant think of anything at the time being, but man this post sure made me lauph! lol you just get nervous and things just come out..haha one time i was taking vitals on of my resident's and her daughter was there too, i said well im just going to take her resperations and when she gave me a look, i said breaths, well i was sick and it sound like i was saying breast...she gave me the funniest look haha oh my...we had a good lauph!

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