OB--When it's good it's good and when it's not...it's heartbreaking.

[linzjane88]

I absolutely love where I work. Being as that we are a small hospital we see usually less than 100 deliveries a month. When things don't go as planned and when new moms and dads have to go home empty handed it sucks. It just plain sucks. When they are full term that is the worst kind of heartbreak. They are so close.

We have a pretty good team on our floor so everyone but maybe one or two has at least some interaction with the patient before they even get to triage. When the moms walk in the door and you can see it in their eyes and you know that they know....it's horrible. I have only been working for 4 full term demises in the last 2 years I have been there. You can kind of disconnect the early miscarriages, the Trisomy 18's, and the other disorders by thinking that the littles ones wouldn't have been able to live or would have had a poor quality of life. But the planned full terms to healthy moms with no appearant reason as to why...ugh...Then watching them leave after the delivery empty handed with the little one still in the room. It's just wrong. I really feel for anyone that has personally lost a little one. I can't imagine having to go home and take apart the babys room, tell friends, etc.

I know you can't ever get used to that but it seems to be hitting me a little harder as I am pregnant myself. I don't want to go into work today.

[nerdtonurse?, BSN, RN]

I had a cousin who lost a baby when her water broke -- she said the water broke, and she just felt the baby thrashing. Went tearing to the ER, and no fetal heart beat. Turned out the baby strangled on the cord -- the baby was pink below the neck, and purple above it. Within a year, she and her husband had divorced. She was lucky, she found a great guy, they got married about 3 years later, they had a couple of kids ("kids" are now in college, dang I'm getting old). She called out of the blue about a month ago, just to chat. She suddenly started crying. It would have been her daughter's 30th birthday, so we had a good cry together. She said that she figured I'd let her talk about it, when everyone else kept telling her "oh, it was so long ago, let it go."

If you have someone that loses an baby, for god's sake, don't act like the baby never existed, or make the parents feel like they can't bring the baby up. While she loves Hubby #2, she says that's what broke up her marriage to Hubby #1 --- nobody gave them permission to grieve. I remember her saying, "It's like everyone thinks we did something wrong, or we'd done something shameful, they'd get all embarrassed if we even said her name."

In memory of Katie Lauren, 10/30/1981.

[KaroSnowQueen, RN]

If you have someone that loses an baby, for god's sake, don't act like the baby never existed, or make the parents feel like they can't bring the baby up. While she loves Hubby #2, she says that's what broke up her marriage to Hubby #1 --- nobody gave them permission to grieve. I remember her saying, "It's like everyone thinks we did something wrong, or we'd done something shameful, they'd get all embarrassed if we even said her name."

Amen to that! We lost a stillborn grandson nine years ago the week after Christmas. Bawling our eyes out in a maternity ward still decorated for Christmas. Nearly lost our minds. We NEED to talk about the little one or lose our minds.

In memory of Christopher Xaviar, 12/29/02

[Mimi2RN, ASN, RN]

Years ago, my SIL lost her first baby after 4 years of marriage, term baby, horrible delivery that should have been a c/s. Full code and transferred out a train wreck. Baby was severely brain damaged, seizing. The parents chose to stop and let her go. They had three children after Amy, and are still married and enjoying grandchildren. I don't know whether it would have been better to lose her immediately, but they got through together. And we have never forgotten that baby.