care of patients with a loss - page 2
I have been an RN 12 + yrs (OB fro 10), I experienced a fetal demise at 16 weeks and and I can't believe what a new perspective I have. I cannot even begin to remember all of the pts I have cared for... Read More
Nov 30, '07Occupation: Currently in ICU Specialty: 2 year(s) of experience in Labor and Delivery & ICU ; Joined: Nov '07; Posts: 23; Likes: 6This is a really helpful post. I've been in L&D for a year and I have never nursed a family with a loss. I know it's going to happen sooner or later and what scares me is that I won't be a good enough nurse. I have no children, so I don't see how I could possibly understand what a loss this is for a family. And I'm terrified about saying the wrong thing.
It helps to have a list of what NOT to say, and to know that it's okay to say that I don't understand the loss, but that I'm very sorry for it.
I really am sorry for your loss.
Dec 3, '07Occupation: Graduate Nurse From: US ; Joined: Jul '06; Posts: 172; Likes: 89I also don't understand what it is to lose a child. I have lost many people in my life and it was some of the hardest times of my life so I can imagine that losing a child is that much harder. I am very sorry. I hope you are able to find comfort during this time. I wish you and your family all the best. Many prayers are with you.MindyI have seen the now I lay me down to sleep website through another post. I cried so much looking at all of the pictures. It's such a wondeful company to do that for families.
Dec 4, '07Specialty: L&D, PACU ; Joined: Aug '06; Posts: 632; Likes: 314I am so very sorry for your loss. I miscarried twice, and even though it was 20 years ago (give or take) I remember the feelings clearly. It is a real pain, a real loss, though some don't see it that way.
I would like to add to the things NOT to say.
"it would have been deformed anyway" Sigh. I guess that's a variant on 'it's for the best'.
A hug went a long way...but most people preferred to pretend it never happened.
Blessings, and I am thinking of you. ((((hugs))))
Dec 4, '07Occupation: midwife practitioner Specialty: 12 year(s) of experience in midwifery, NICU ; From: SC ; Joined: May '05; Posts: 1,742; Likes: 569jrring, I'm so sorry honey, for the loss of your dreams. I know how it feels, I miscarried, into the toilet at around eight-nine weeks gestation, after the birth of my son, which was probably way too soon to be pregnant again, and would have been baby number four...we could not have coped as the other three were under five yrs old. Still, when it happened, I didnt realise I was pregnant, (still feeding my boy), and had almighty pain, then this wee embryo clearly lying there. Screamed for my dh, and we sat there crying for what seemed like eternity, and he finally, after what seemed like days, flushed the wee thing away. I dont know if I could have done it, but for his strength. What else to do?
After nearly 15 years, I never forget that sight, neither does he, and to this day, I applaud his courage, in doing what I could not. We dont really speak about it now, but it's still there, baby number four, as precious as the other three, and though we dont have any real faith, I'm sure that wee one will meet us all someday, somewhere. Saddest thing, miscarriage..........loss of so many wishes, even if you dont know the wee one is there............