Nursing students over 35

nurseprnRN, BSN, RN · Feb 12, 2015

Some of you have heard the story of one of my students who was 62. She had been married for forty-plus years to an old SOB (not "short of breath," either) who told her how stupid and worthless she was and how nothing she ever wanted to do was the least bit useful. And when he died she took the life insurance money and went to nursing school, bless her.

She wasn't any better at nursing (or any worse) than any of her 18-year-old chickie classmates, But she had something that they didn't, and that was life experience. She had seen her mother and father die, seen how families coped with adversity, knew what it was like to be a mother and a grandmother; she could sit down at a bedside and calm a frightened person just because she was a white-haired older lady who didn't panic and knew what to say, when to say it, and when to be quiet and just be there. Maturity counts.

The other consideration is that you don't need to depend on your classmates to be your friends. You're old enough to have a life elsewhere. Do that. Make friends in the cafeteria with older students in other majors. Another consideration is that you can take your feelings of being a fish out of water, or being in a totally new environment, and remember how that feels when you care for someone in a hospital-- they don't fit the dominant paradigm, either. Then what?

You may well find yourself, over time being sort of a big sister/big brother (can't tell) to some of your classmates. You may find that in clinicals, your preceptors and others expect more of you because of your maturity (like the Peanuts character who says people always expect more of you if you have curly hair :) ), and count on that when you're a new grad.

This too shall pass. Hang in. :)

aeris99 · Feb 14, 2015

I'm 33 and am one of the oldest in my

cohort. Im in my third week and have decided to pick a different seat in each class until I happened to sit next to someone that I can talk with. :)

I just keep telling myself that everyone else probably feels the same.

akulahawkRN, ADN, RN, EMT-P · Feb 14, 2015

I'm 41 and I wasn't by far the oldest person at my nursing school... I started my nursing school journey at 37 and graduated when I was 40. The vast majority of the class was under 30 years old. Just do your own thing, and know that as one of the older members of the group, you'll have a freedom to socialize wherever you want because, well, you don't do cliques. Eventually you'll find a group of folks that you just will naturally hang with and you may end up being looked at as a class leader just because you're older and (hopefully) more mature than the rest.

In some ways, having that "life experience" will be a whole lot better than just getting classroom knowledge because you have experienced stuff that your classmates haven't yet. Your patients won't see you as some snot-nosed kid. Some may still try to manipulate you but they'll recognize that the "usual tricks" that work on younger folks won't work on you because you've also been there...

datalore · Feb 14, 2015

I'm "only" 32, but my cohort's ages span from 19 to 60s, with the younger ages vastly overrepresented. The girls I hang out with in my class are at least 10 years different on either side of me, and I love them but I know what you mean about feeling different. I don't get the lingo the "cool" young girls are saying half the time, but I value the life experiences I've had! I don't often get called to go out for a night on the town with the 20s, but I try to bond with them anyway when I do see them, and I feel like any of us could call each other for help (school or otherwise). If you don't have a few you'd grab a beer with, then at the very least it's about building trust and rapport. I definitely feel more matronly around most of my peers than "fitting in", but we do like each other the more we get to know each other in the classroom. And as a result I've made two very close friends - one 22 and one 47. Reach out to offer or ask for help, sit with them at lunch, come a few minutes early and strike up conversation with a new classmate each day. It's hard to break out when you already feel isolated, but baby steps each day can do a lot to move you out of the periphery.

pmabraham, BSN, RN · Feb 14, 2015

Good day:

I'm 51 and among the oldest in the RN program I'm attending. While I don't always have the physical energy of my much younger counterparts, I tend to keep up reading and studying wise. As an introvert, I'm used to being on the sidelines in terms of cliques, groups. Yet, what I do in order to be a part of the cohort is as follows:

* I started the cohorts FB group page; and invited others to co-admin it. I try to post meaningful material to help all of us succeed.

* I do my best to participate in every theory class and in clinicals. One of the amazing things I've found is most of my classmates (the younger ones) don't want to answer the clinical instructors for fear they are wrong. I'm as much wrong as I'm right (hopefully that will shift towards the right over time) when I open my mouth to answer professors in clinicals... but this week, I found several other younger students following my lead in actually participating.

* When we take breaks, lunch, etc. I make it a point to sit with several of my classmates. Even if I don't talk, I'm sitting with them.

* I make myself available during any labs to be a patient, help a fellow classmate practice, bounce ideas, etc.

Now, I'm still not in any cliques; and it is common to have a fellow classmate state they will be my partner for such and such, then change their mind (literally) seconds before it's time to start (leaving me scrambling for a partner), but on the same token, I don't feel left out.

In the end, Jesus willing, I will be a registered nurse; and, I'm going to be serving my patients wherever I work. That matters more to me, in the long run, than whether I fit in or not during RN school. Look at the big picture, take small steps, keep a plan, and be willing to adjust it as necessary to reach the end goal.

Thank you.

BertG77 · Feb 16, 2015

I'm a guy, 37, and older than everybody in my cohort by at least 10 years. During the first semester I felt really lonely for many of the reasons the OP described, and tried my best to reach out when I had time and energy, to people in other cohorts, etc. I'm finding as the program rolls along that I'm enjoying the little moments where bonding might occur. I'm focusing on being present during these times instead of analyzing them, and wondering if they are fulfilling me enough. By doing this, I feel more at ease and more socially integrated. I do tend to be sort of the default leader/authority simply because I've lived through more stuff and am more knowledgeable than most of the rest in my cohort, but that doesn't make me any better than them, as my age doesn't make me any less. I'd encourage you to continue to voice how you feel to us here on AN, as well as to anyone who'll listen and hopefully you'll find yourself connecting a little more frequently and regularly with some others in your class.

Nibbles1 · Feb 16, 2015

I had a classmate that was 56. She made it out unscathed. We had some young and immature students. But the absolute worst was a 44 year old preacher's wife. She made everyone's life hell. BTW I'm almost 40.