Nursing school is hurting my marriage

NurseGirl525, ASN, RN · Sep 29, 2016

How about make your family a priority. Nursing school is not that hard that you ignore family and friends.

If you are spending that much time studying, you are not grasping the concepts and may have issues later.

Take it from a new grad, it's not that hard, your husband a family are more important than a career. Unless you are not in love with your husband. In that case, get a divorce and stop stringing him along. But don't blame your weakness on nursing school. If you balance your time, it's not an issue. My husband lived over an hour away when I was in school, we made it work.

Your blaming blaming school on a deeper issue. Fix your marriage or get a divorce. If this is real, you are not being fair.

SmilingBluEyes · Sep 29, 2016

Nursing school was time consuming, for sure. My husband and I used to celebrate the small victories (scoring well on major test, for example) by going out to lunch. We had a toddler to boot. And he was active military. It was tough, balancing everything, but we found the little dates were a life saver. It's up to YOU to preserve your marriage and family, in school and out.

loriangel14, RN · Sep 29, 2016

School can be very stressful on everyone, not just the student. It may take some time for your husband to get used to the new normal. School has to be your priority if you are going to succeed. You may have to try to set aside a small amount of time just for him when you can so you can both reconnect. Don't let him pressure you into neglecting your studies. Best of luck with school .

lana1234 · Sep 30, 2016

Actually, my career is pretty important considering we are barley making it financially right now. I don't believe I ever said my family wasnt a priority. I was actually asking for advice on balancing everything. I am still new at this.

NurseGirl525, ASN, RN · Sep 30, 2016

Your decision. Career or family. Let me tell you from experience, money does not buy happiness. I'm way happier without it. Way.

Im not being negative, I'm telling you how it is. You can choose to ignore your family, and lose it, or you can learn how to balance. If you don't currently have a job, studying should not take up your whole weekend. Absolutely should not. Get your act together and organize your crap. If it's organized and you are still studying this much, you have an issue. It's that simple.

I was a brand-new single mom. Going through a divorce, getting my school-aged son in therapy, plus dealing with his travel schedule for his sports. We travelled this country. All of it.

Then, I met my soulmate halfway through. My last two semesters I juggled a relationship over an hour away. Oh, did I mention the miscarriage?

I've been there, done that, and kept my family intact. I kept my relationship intact through school, losing our baby, NCLEX, and new grad. You are struggling in school to keep your family intact.

If you no longer love your husband, get out. But don't blame school or nursing. That's not it.

loriangel14, RN · Sep 30, 2016

I don't think that choosing to focus on school means she doesn't love her husband. She's recognizing that for now she needs to try to study and be successful while maintaining some balance.

lana1234 · Sep 30, 2016

Thank you so much! I am going to try to start juggling everything better, I am still trying to get use to it all. The director over my program says we should be studying 6 hours everyday at least. It has just been a huge change.

lana1234 · Sep 30, 2016

Nursing school was time consuming, for sure. My husband and I used to celebrate the small victories (scoring well on major test, for example) by going out to lunch. We had a toddler to boot. And he was active military. It was tough, balancing everything, but we found the little dates were a life saver. It's up to YOU to preserve your marriage and family, in school and out.

Thank you, we are going to try to start making more time for each other. Even if he has to study with me haha!

ThatBigGuy · Sep 30, 2016

nursing school has to be my number 1 priority

I do not have the time to spend any real time with him anymore. I barley have time to spend with our kids!

You've sacrificed time with your husband for school, and it's affecting your marriage. You're only 6 weeks in to a 104 week program.

You should sit down with your husband and have a conversation about what he expects from the next two years of your life together.

He can't expect 30 hours a week of alone time with you, but he can't be your third priority, either. You two need to find a balance.

I was in a similar situation. After my first semester, ThatBigLady and I had a discussion over several days that ultimately defined our goals. Instead of killing myself to make a 4.0, I became ok with trading study time for family time, with the resulting B average in school. The next three semesters were so much better. Even though I "only" had a B average, I still passed the NCLEX in 75 questions.

in order for me to succeed nursing school has to be my number 1 priority

This doesn't have to be true, but you believe it is. Apparently, your husband disagrees, as do some of the previous posters. You may need to lower your academic goals a little bit in order to maintain a workable relationship with the one person you've chosen to spend the rest of your life with. He likely just needs some affirmation that you hear his concerns and are willing to work on things in order to provide the best balance.

If you take a step towards him, and he takes a step towards you, you may find that you meet right in the middle.

rachaelofcourse · Sep 30, 2016

Sure, nursing school should be one of your top priorities, but not your number one. My husband and daughter are 1 and 2. When you're walking across the stage at graduation, is it really going to be that special if you've lost your family to get there? Nope.

I understand struggling financially. My husband has no degree and was laid of 6 weeks ago. Any job he gets right now will be crap money. We live with his parents. We will be much better off financially when I graduate, but my marriage to him is MUCH more important than nursing school and/or money. It always has been, and it always will be.

Sit down and have an adult conversation with him. He deserves your time too.

the_nervous_nurse · Sep 30, 2016

I am not a parent but I have a boyfriend of almost 6 years who was supportive over my associate degree and is still supportive while I earn by BSN. Many people in my class "locked themselves away" studying, unable to spend time with their family. The only suggestion I can tell you tell him that lots of people have to devote the majority of their time to school. You might not have a test, but you could have a case study, clinical paperwork, simulation lab packets, etc. to work on. There is almost always something you COULD be doing.

Try to manage your time and stay motivated a few days out of the week to focus on school. If you get everything done, you can spend more time with family. I managed to spend a day or two every week hanging out with my boyfriend.

Very odd of the poster below to assume you're "stringing your husband along" lol. It is not uncommon to be busy right now. One girl in my class was an overachiever with a family, and said she studied nearly every day locked away in her room. I studied the night or two before exams and usually got A's. Everyone is different. Don't let that make you feel that bad. He should understand, but many people don't until they go through nursing school.