Nursing School - Family HELP!!

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I don't know what to do... Thought I would start a new thread because there has to be more stories like mine and I could sure use some advice. My wife and I moved in with my in-laws, short-selling our house. I thought moving in with the in-laws would help my wife and son. Although it has helped my wife by having someone there it feals like I am growing apart and it scares me. She has no idea how much I am going through between working 40 hours, nursing school, trying to be a dad, trying to do everything and she doesn't see it. My mother-in-law has even said that nursing school shouldn't be that hard and that it should be easier than getting my EMT licence. Dear lord, what should I do??? I go 4 days sometimes without seeing my son and wife and it is eating me up... What can I do to show them what I am going through for them? It has a terrible irony that I give up everying to get through nursing school to help provide a better future for my family but it looks like my family isn't going to survive nursing school. I graduate in May and know it's not that long away but it feals like my wife and I are growing apart by the day. Any words of wisome is appreciated. Thanks :)

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I think you need to sit down with your wife.......no kids, no in-laws, no distractions....and talk to her about this. She may or may not be interested in seeing how much work goes into nursing school and God knows there's really no way to give someone a concrete idea without them experiecing it for themselves.

Nursing school is a bear to get through when you are in a relationship and/or have kids. It really does take the whole household to make it work. Does your wife work? Is it possible for her to work so that you can cut down on work?

The key is you really need to get her to talk to you about what's going in her head. It's imperative that the lines of communication are kept wide open. And make sure you schedule those date nights!

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Get out of the in laws home, even if it means jamming into a cheap apartment for the short term. They aren't on your side.

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I would definately make her sit down and talk....I went through a similar situation, and sort of still am. My fiance is not happy that he gets very little attention, and I have little to no time for my son, but he understands, and does everything he can to make this transition as easy as possible. However, thats not to say he doesn't need a little reminder here and there, especially when his career is ????????....So try to sit down with her and talk if you can. BTW nursing school vs. EMT....lol

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Specializes in Trauma, Teaching.

Comunicationl communication communication

As the others have said, talk to the woman you promised to spend the rest of your life with. Have you told her what you are going through? "she has no idea", well, how will she if you don't describe it to her?

Find some time for privacy, write her a love letter, get some counseling if needed. Your license isn't worth your marriage, IMO, if you love them. Am I saying quit? no! but I am saying talk to her! I find it interesting you quoted mom-in-law, but not wife. What does she say or think?

Good luck and God bless, it is doable! :hug:

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Specializes in OR.

GOOD GRIEF!!! You are working 40 hours a week AND in nursing school?? You, sir, deserve a medal. I know a lot of you do that, and you all amaze me.

Has your wife ever gone to college like you are? Full time? Working towards a degree...but in your case on a strict timeline? I find that those who haven't gone through it (even if they are going through it WITH you) really can never fully understand the demands. I'm betting she has her eye on the light at the end of the tunnel just as much as you do :)

I'm not in nursing school yet...but my husband went through graduate school for his Ph.D. (History). He was full-time and a T.A....I plan on quite a few "this is payback...get out of house work" cards once I do this. :) as I'm sure he will submit quite a few sympathy cards of his own. lol. During his schooling we both kept our eye on the end result...lose site of that, either one of you, and existing day to day would become quite an effort. So, keep your focus on the prize, and remind her to do the same! :)

p.s. - living with in-laws through all this??? are you NUTS?? When my husband was in graduate school, my mom lived thousands of miles away and yet STILL would get under my skin about my hubby and his studies. Of course now with his Ph.D. and a published book she has bragging rights on her son-in-law..but during the process? Forgetta-bout-it! ;)

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I commend you also. I can barely function with very very PRN. On the other hand I truly believe it is very difficult for anyone who has not been through nursing school to REALLY understand what it REALLY takes to be in and complete nursing school. That being said, unfortunately most relationships do suffer in one way or another. I can only advise you to talk to your wife honestly and openly about your feelings. Then it is on her, and that is the hardest part.

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Specializes in Pediatrics.

Oh dear, you have the weight of the workd on your shoulders. It's bad enough your wife doesn't get it, you have to deal with your in-laes (on a daily basis, no less). I really feel for you.

Yet another lay perspective on what nurses do. How hard could nursing school possibly be? It's gotta be like going to some correspondence school, right? There probably is no explaining to the in-laws, but I hope your wife can gain some insight somehow into what you are going through right now.

Keep your lines of communication open. I'm not sure what led you to pursuing a career in nursing. Perhaps it wasn't something you had planned on doing when you guys married. But hey, stuff happens in life, things change, situations change, and spouses are supposed to support each other. Are you the primary breadwinner of the house? If so, then (I hate to say it this way, but) unless she has a better plan to boost your finances (and get you out if her parents house), then she really needs to suck it up for the next 8 months. You are ALL making sacrifices (including your in-laws, who have taken on 3 more people under their roof), in the hopes that it will produce a better life for all of you. I just hope your wife sees it that way.

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Specializes in OR.

You know, I was telling my husband about your plight...his advice was anytime the in-laws or your wife gets down on you with school and the like, just keep reminding them, "you know, once I am done I will be making 25.00/hr, we will be able to get on our feet...we are almost at the end." Keep reminding them of the financial benefits to them, the overall stability benefits...that the end is in sight and once you get there, it's game time. You HAVE to keep reminding them of all that...lest they forget why you are busting your hump like you are. Like I said, I was there by my husband's side through graduate school...it was a grueling four years.

At one point, financially it was so bad that our car was repossessed and he and I would take turns bike riding to the grocery store with a hiker's pack on our backs to get groceries (think about how hard it was to balance a bike with a gallon of milk and a gallon of juice along with frozen foods in a hiker's pack...lol). We have three young children to provide for, we did what we had to. He would bike ride my kindergartner to school 2 miles every morning (4 miles total, there and back)...and I would take the double stroller and walk with the baby and our toddler in the afternoon to pick her up (again, 4 miles trek total).

Now, 1 year later my husband is a professor, our income has tripled (BTW, I worked full time why he was in graduate school too). There is an end to it all...you just have to remind your wife that together through all this you are both creating a new future...a better future for all of you. As far as the in-laws, they will never understand what it takes to spread yourself as thin as you need to in order to balance it all...I doubt they ever had that type of drive to do what you and your wife are doing. I cannot tell you HOW many times I had to defend my husband to my mother...time and time again she witched and moaned about his school and how unfair it was to me, etc. etc...I had to remind her that I wanted this for him...that I was on the same page as my husband...that she didn't have a clue what it took to do what he did and what type of focus and stamina it took to accomplish what he did. However, it was easy for me to shut her down because she was miles away...meanwhile, your wife probably hears an earful from them and it's not like she can get away from it...ya know?

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