Murphy's Laws for Nurses

Nurses Humor

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You always forget what it was you wanted after you get to the supply room.

You always remember when you get back to the other end ...

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Your buddies who were reading the paper at the nurses' desk a minute ago always disappear when you need help ...

Expect to get your pay raise the same day the hospital raises the parking rates (and other charges)

The better job you do, the more work you can expect to be handed ...

The amount of clean linen available is inversely proportional to your immediate needs.

The absurdity of the suggestion is directly proportional to the distance from the bedside.

The patient who has been dying all night finally meets his maker 12.5 minutes before shift change.

You walk out of a patient's room after you've asked them if they need anything: they will put the call bell on as you are about three quarters the way down the hall.

The patient furthest away from the nurses' station rings the call bell more often than the patient nearest to the nurses' station.

You tell your patient, "If you need anything at all, just push the button and I'll be there". She smiles and says she's "Fine, thank you nurse."

The next morning she complains to the physician, "No one came near me all night and I couldn't sleep, because I was in agony."

When management smiles at you, be very, very afraid ...

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Specializes in Critical Care,Recovery, ED.

remember that Murphy's Law is just the starting point.

SHARON'S LAW is the ultimate. Simply put ,Sharon's Law is that Murphy was an opotimist

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I am a Murphy and all laws are only too true!!!

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Specializes in ICU.

Those are great!!!

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Whatever PRN your new patient needs won't be on the MAR.

If some idiot who doesn't even work on the floor walks by and mentions how quiet it is, the s**t hits the fan immediately.

One of your patients will have a new complaint that they haven't told the doctor about, even though they just saw the doctor 10 minutes ago.

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Specializes in Mostly LTC, some acute and some ER,.

Never ever yous "Q" wprds like quiet, peaceful, peasant, boring, nice. Or terms like all caught up, finished, theres nothing to do. those are big no no's.

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Dont forget "No kind deed goes unpunished"

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And....don't forget these:

if you wear gloves, you will get "stuff" on your elbow, your shoes, your uniform--everywhere BUT the gloves.

If a patient tells you "I think I'm gonna be sick," that will be the pt who never was given an emesis basin in the admissions stuff.

The patient that you've cared for the past week turns out to have something contagious.

The pt who should drink, won't. The pt who shouldn't drink, will.

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Specializes in ICU.

It is ALWAYS the patient with the largest amount of meds who will pick one out and say "These aren't right!" and have you go through each tablet and order on the busiest shift of your life.

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Specializes in Everything except surgery.

:rotfl: and I had the nerve to think this stuff only happened to me...:rotfl: Thanks for the thread!:cool:

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Quote
Originally posted by gwenith

It is ALWAYS the patient with the largest amount of meds who will pick one out and say "These aren't right!" and have you go through each tablet and order on the busiest shift of your life.

And after all of that, they can only swallow one pill at a time with half a glass of water after each. :chuckle

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Oh. And BEFORE all of that, that same patient will have to go to the bathroom for a BM as soon as you walk in the room with the ton of meds.

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