MEMORANDUM This darn near had me rolling on the floor THIS IS TOO FUNNY!!!!!

Nurse Izzy · Jan 28, 2003

Too good! Too good!

ShortFuse_LPN, LPN · Jan 28, 2003

Wow Mandi, how did you get ahold of my employee hanfbook??? :roll

J-RN student · Jan 28, 2003

:chuckle :roll :chuckle

MomNRN, BSN, RN · Jan 28, 2003

Somebody sent me a longer version of that. It is very funny. I will have to see if I can find it.

colleen10 · Jan 28, 2003

This is funny and yet so sad.

I actually work there!

My boss didn't want me to leave to go to my step-mother's father's funeral, whom, I really was pretty close with.

Finally, after him badgering me, I told him I would just take off the morning to go to the funeral, but I wasn't allowed to go to the wake. After the funeral I just couldn't go back to work, he was a veteran and it was a very emotional burial so when I was at the wake my husband said he would call into work to tell them that I was in no condition to come in and they yelled at him!

I'm sure my pap pap Bill is up there with his Air Force buddies and some bottles of whiskey giving my boss the finger!

tattooednursie, LVN · Jan 29, 2003

I bet he is giving him the finger! I would too!

I'm glad my facility is not like that. I came down with pneumonia, and my doctors note said, whenever I feel better I can come back. Well my boss kindly said "We'll have your shifts covered until the 31st, you'd probably be better by then. Get well soon!" I am already feeling better, but I still get 2 more days! or facility is not aquedatly staffed either. It was great having them being so nice about it.

laurako · Jan 29, 2003

OK I have the longer version, inluding taxes. It is great.

SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE:

We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are

able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:

Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all

your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.

To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

FUNERAL LEAVE:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead

friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have

non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee

involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late

afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and

subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done

enough to keep the job going in your absence.

YOUR OWN DEATH:

This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks

notice as it is your duty to train your replacement.

RESTROOM USE:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the rest room. In the future, we

will! follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance,

those whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:10, employees whose

names begin with 'B' will go from 8:10 to 8:20 and so on. If you're unable

to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when

your time comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time

with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors must approve this exchange in

writing. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the

stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm bell will sound, the toilet

paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.

PAYCHECK GUIDE:

The following helpful guide has been prepared to help our employees better

understand their paychecks:

Item Amount

Gross pay $1,212.02

Income tax $244.40

Outgo tax $45.21

State tax $11.61

Interstate tax $61.10

County tax $6.11

City tax $12.22

Rural tax $4.44

Back tax $1.91

Front tax $1.16

Side tax $1.61

Up tax $2.24

Tic-Tacs $2.98

Thumbtacks $3.93

Carpet tacks $1.98

Stadium tax $2.69

Flat tax $8.32

Surtax $3.46

Corporate tax $2.60

Parking fee $7.00

FICA $81.88

TGIF Fund $9.95

Life insurance $7.85

Health insurance $17.23

Dental insurance $5.50

Mental insurance $5.33

Disability $3.50

Ability $1.25

Liability $3.41

Unreliability $10.99

Coffee $16.85

Coffee Cups $66.51

Floor rental $16.85

Chair rental $1.32

Desk rental $14.32

Union dues $25.85

Union don'ts $3.77

Cash advance $0.69

Cash retreats $121.35

Overtime $1.26

Under time $54.83

Eastern time $9.00

Central time $8.00

Mountain time $7.00

Pacific time $6.00

Time Out $12.21

Oxygen $10.02

Water $16.54

Heat $51.42

Cool air $26.83

Hot air $28.13

Miscellaneous $113.29

Sundry $14.09

Various $8.01

Net Take Home Pay $6.02

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive

employment experience. All questions, comments, concerns, complaints,

frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,

accusations, contemplation's, consternation's, or input should be directed

elsewhere.

Have a nice week.

Your Boss

tattooednursie, LVN · Jan 29, 2003

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha i love that one even better! Especially the bathroom part. I can just see the stall doors fly open. lol

dv8rn · Feb 9, 2003

And as always, anything I can do to make your stay here more pleasurable, please don't hesitate to ask. We want to grow with the company, be team players and climb that corporate ladder of success!!!!!! Bleeeeccckk kacyk!! oh, scuse me pardona my mistake. I have to copy that for the next employee manual! LOL

Vailgang · Feb 9, 2003

I just told my office manager that I was tired of the front office staff missing so many hours and would like a policy implemented soon. I gave her a copy of this policy. :0)

nursedawn67, LPN · Feb 9, 2003

Wow did you get into my work place handbook?!??! LOL

MEMORANDUM *This darn near had me rolling on the floor* THIS IS TOO FUNNY!!!!!

MEMORANDUM This darn near had me rolling on the floor THIS IS TOO FUNNY!!!!!