Kansas Tourism

  1. Sent by a friend who knows I live in Kansas:

    This is from the Town Tourism Department. This list of rules will be handed to each person driving through a Kansas Town:
    1. That slope-shouldered farm boy you are snickering at did more work before breakfast than you will do all week at the gym. How'd you like to go home and tell your momma you got your butt kicked by a big guy in bib overalls?

    2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Now drive or get it out of the way.

    3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it!

    4. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13 inch trout you fish for.. .......bait.

    5. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your butt kicked ... by our women.

    6. Pull your pants up, and turn your hat around. You look like an idiot.

    7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

    8. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

    9. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

    10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

    11. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter-million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.

    12. Let's get this straight. We may have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We even stop when it's yellow.

    13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

    14. Yeah, we eat catfish, Northern, walleye and turtle too. If you really want sushi and caviar, it's available at the bait shop.

    15. They are pigs and cows. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 70 goes two ways, and Interstate 35 goes the other two....get on one of them.

    16. The "Opener" refers to the first days of fishing and deer season. They are religious holidays. You can get breakfast at the church.

    17. So what if every person in every pickup waves? It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

    18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish.

    19. Now enjoy your visit -- and go home.

    Kevin McHugh
    Last edit by kmchugh on Sep 15, '02
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    About kmchugh

    Joined: Mar '02; Posts: 2,000; Likes: 66


  3. by   NurseDennie
    I lived in the far eastern part of Kansas for sevral years. I wish I'd never left!!!

    I'd go westerly with friends to hunt. I can't describe the smell of the air, the look of that big sky over the flat grasslands with just a little smear of snow on top. Crunching through the ice on top of the little smear of snow, and walking through those frozen grasses.

    I LOVED Kansas. *sigh* I wish I'd never left there.


  4. by   kids
    The same flyer is handed out in (most) of Oklahoma.

    Hey Kevin...what part of Kansas?
  5. by   KRVRN
    Yeah, as I remember, Iowa is much like that too.
  6. by   kmchugh
    Live in a suburb of Wichita, work in Wichita, Kansas.

  7. by   kids
    Originally posted by kmchugh
    Live in a suburb of Wichita, work in Wichita, Kansas.

    I really like Wichita and love the brass cow statue on a street corner (in what part of town I don't know).

    Inlaws like in Byron, OK so we usually fly into Wichita rather than OKC as it is a much shorter drive.

    Husband and I will likely relocate when my kids are grown and my Mom passes away (has lung ca)...have decided that Wichita will be 1 st choice as we both hate OKC & Tulsa but need to be in a med-lg city for him to find work (obviously I can work anywhere).
  8. by   rncountry
    6. Pull your pants up, and turn your hat around. You look like an idiot.

    That one gave me a great chuckle.

    Everything you posted fits rural Michigan too. I live here for a reason.