I know for a fact that some of these things are true--

  1. I know for a fact that some of these things are true--

    For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
    For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
    For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For
    who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

    The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin,Texas.......

    Things I've learned from my children (honest & no kidding):

    1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4
    inches deep.

    2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
    blades, they can ignite.

    3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded

    4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
    enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a
    Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to
    spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

    5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When
    using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times
    before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

    6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by
    ceiling fan.

    7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too
    8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

    9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
    old man says they can only do it in the movies.

    10. Certain LEGOs will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.

    11. Playdough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

    12. Superglue is forever.

    13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't
    walk on water.

    14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

    15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show

    16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

    17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

    18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

    19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not

    20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time to my

    21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

    22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

    23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

    24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade... True story:

    One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of theThree
    Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the
    first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.
    She read,"...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow
    full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that
    straw to build my house?'"

    The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man
    One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said... 'Holy Sh*t,
    talking pig!'"

    The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
  2. Visit Andy S. profile page

    About Andy S.

    Joined: Jul '01; Posts: 162; Likes: 82


  3. by   Shamrock
    If the same child pulled all those stunts I think they are quite inventive!! And maybe watching too much TV!! Funny!
  4. by   kittyw
    19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens. ....

    25. It takes 3 seconds to put out a plastic toy oven fire, and 10 hours to clear out the smoke with all fans running and all windows open.

  5. by   ShandyLynnRN
    Boy does that hit close to home! Does anyone have any ideas to what a six year old can do to "show how strong he is" without destroying flower pots and dinnerware?
  6. by   Sable's mom
    I'm not sure what they can do to show "how strong I am", but I do know that a six year old trying toshow "how high I can jump" can pull a ceiling fan out of the ceiling!! It was a VERY big mess - no injuries.
  7. by   LuvLife
    Thank you sooo much for that post...my husband and I WERE thinking about starting a family soon....LOL
  8. by   ShandyLynnRN
    When my son was 3, he was really into Toy Story and Buzz Lightyear. I don't know what made me get up earlier than usual... as I would usually just hear him playing in his room and snooze for a bit longer. So I was sitting on the couch, eating cereal (also don't know why the TV wasn't on because I ALWAYS had it on) and I hear a thump and a cry. This wasn't unusual, and at first I didn't think anything of it as I usually would just let him soothe himself. But I DID go to his room, and found him standing at the bottom of his brand new bunk bed with the dogs leash around his neck!!! Thank God that lease was longer than the height of his bed! He had put it around his neck and jumped from the top bunk. His answer to my obvious, "what the heck did you do!" was, "I was trying to fly like buzz lightyear."

    He had a nasty "leash burn" on his neck for a few days, but he never tried THAT again. It was the first time in a long time that he wanted to sit in my lap and cuddle. Scared the heck outta me! He told me "if I had died, then you wouldn't have a little boy anymore". <sob>
  9. by   Liann
    26. Plastic "toy" hammers should not be used on glass coffee table tops.

    Makes a terrible mess..luckily the frame held and the glass stayed put. My son's first word was "broke"
  10. by   Liann
    27. crayons that are given out to children at restaurants should be left at the restaurant.

    and its corollary...

    28. Check all pockets before running a load of boy laundry. Red crayon does NOT wash out...
    Originally posted by andylane78
    Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
  12. by   Andy S.
    LOL, I just realized that deespoohbear just posted the same thing a little while ago! OOops!
  13. by   RNonsense
    Are You Ready for Children?

    Are you considering having children? To determine
    whether you are truly prepared for the experience, we
    suggest you take this set of simple tests...


    Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub
    your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls.
    Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick
    behind the couch and leave it there all summer.


    Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not
    available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken
    bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house.
    Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or
    kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at


    Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and
    take them with you as you shop at the grocery store.
    Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat
    or damage.


    Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a
    small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.


    Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with
    water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord.
    Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of
    soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the
    mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane.
    Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.


    Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with
    8 to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water.
    At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until
    9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00
    PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you
    have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing
    these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up
    and make breakfast. Keep this up for five years. Look


    Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front
    of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now
    remove 10% of the beans.


    Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the
    counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to
    the nearest food store. Go to the head office and
    arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to
    the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it
    quietly for the last time.


    Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture
    them on how they can improve their discipline,
    patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table
    manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize
    to them that they should never allow their children to
    run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last
    time you will have all the answers.
  14. by   Andy S.
    Too cute!!! Love it!!

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