I know for a fact that some of these things are true--

[Andy S.]

I know for a fact that some of these things are true--

For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.

For those who have children this age, this is not funny.

For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For

those

who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin,Texas.......

Things I've learned from my children (honest & no kidding):

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4

inches deep.

2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller

blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded

restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong

enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a

Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to

spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When

using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times

before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by

a

ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too

late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a

36-year

old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain LEGOs will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.

11. Playdough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Superglue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't

walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show

they

do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not

like

ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time to my

house.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade... True story:

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of theThree

Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the

first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.

She read,"...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow

full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that

straw to build my house?'"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man

said?"

One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said... 'Holy Sh*t,

a

talking pig!'"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

[Andy S., BSN, RN]

Too cute!!! Love it!!

Andy

[RN2B2005]

To add to the list:

1. Always check the washing machine before starting a load. The agitator does not like Tonka trucks, puzzle pieces, juice cups, Legos, or newspaper.

2. There is nothing to see in the cat box. Move along.

3. Always check the toilet before sitting down for a 'big job'. No matter how many locks, gates, barriers, etc. you have on the toilet, odds are your son has taken his plastic froggies swimming again. Plastic froggies do not swim well.

3a. Corollary to #3: It is far less pleasant to fish the plastic froggies out post-'big job' than it is to fish them out pre-'big job'.

4. Buy quality dog food. Your baby will be eating it.

5. Buy quality baby food. Your dog will be eating it.

6. Accept the fact that no matter how hard you try, no matter what you do, someday, your child will blame all of his problems on you, and some therapist will agree with him.

:roll

[RNonsense]

"3. Always check the toilet before sitting down for a 'big job'. No matter how many locks, gates, barriers, etc. you have on the toilet, odds are your son has taken his plastic froggies swimming again. Plastic froggies do not swim well. "

LMAO! BTW, those "rolly head" things fisher price makes for the cars, trucks etc. will not flush.

It requires removing the toilet from the floor to retrieve...

[Disablednurse]

I thank God every day that I decided not to have children. I am able to borrow a child of any age whenever I want one. Reading this just makes me offer up another prayer of thanks. I do know about the blessings, my brothers all tell me about them right before they say "but".

[Good_Queen_Bess]

Well, that's me going to my GP to ask to be sterilised next week.......:chuckle:

A story a friend with a 6 year-old told me. He has attention defecit disorder and they were shopping in the supermarket. Every time they walked past the fish counter, Tommy had a fascination with a large whole salmon cushioned in the ice, and kept saying he wanted it as a pet, despite the fact it was dead. As mum walked around the shop, suddenly little Tommy was missing. She searched round frantically for him, and saw a small group of people laughing near the fish counter. Tommy was in there, sitting in the ice and surrounded by all the fish, with the salmon laid on his knee, sat stroking it!

I laughed for days when she told me this. I am laughing now. I can just imagine this child, stroking the fish, saying, "Ah, Mr Bond, I've been expecting you." :roll

[Good_Queen_Bess]

Another friend told me, she was in the bath with her 4 year old. Mum was on her period and was wearing a tampon. Little Chloe asked,

"What's that string Mummy?"

And before Mum could do anything, Chole was under the water pulling on the string. Ugh!!! Luckily, Chloe was stopped before a possible yukky disaster occured. :imbar

:rotfl:

[OzNurse69]

OK, who's been spying on my boys??!!