Coin Operated Nurse

[gwenith, BSN, RN]

here it is the new and improved "nurse of the future" the vendonurse. this coin operated machine will take care of all your nursing needs. just slip in a few coins and choose from a wide range of actions. all vendonuse actions have been tailored to meet the general public's expectations of a nurse.

the actions offered by vendonurse include:-

dispensing bedpans.....................20cents

emptying bedpans........................30 cents

cleaning bedpans........................$ 5

(because even machines aren't crazy)

dispensing

neccessary medications................10 cents

meds demanded now...................$2

just-in-case meds...........................$10

listening to

past medical history.....................$2 /hr

family problems............................$4/hr

every little pain you ever had......$50/hr

wipe backside...............30cents/sq mtr

wipe smelly feet.................50cents/toe

wipe nose....................................diy!

(because there are some things even a machine won't do!)

agreeing to

ignore advice of doctor.................$2

ignore advice of physio.................$6

ignore advice of real nurses.........$200

(hey! who do you think is designing this thing!)

estimated return on investement is 500%

orderr your vendonurse today!!!!

[rebel_red]

Hitting the call bell fifteen seconds after the nurse has left the room: $1- $20 (Price ranges $1 for "I can't breathe." and you really can't breathe. $20 for "Could you find the tic tac that rolled under the bed?")

methinks this could work.......

Tres

[MelRN13]

gwenith, you have the best jokes!

:ROTFL:

[karenG]

It'll never catch on..........................

Karen

[chae]

A pt once lost the upper plate of his dentures and the family called the nurses careless but the following morning while doing his bed bath a nurse found the remaining plate in his diaper. Wonder what happened to the other plate.