Coin Operated Nurse

1. here it is the new and improved "nurse of the future" the vendonurse. this coin operated machine will take care of all your nursing needs. just slip in a few coins and choose from a wide range of actions. all vendonuse actions have been tailored to meet the general public's expectations of a nurse.
   
   the actions offered by vendonurse include:-
   
   dispensing bedpans.....................20cents
   emptying bedpans........................30 cents
   cleaning bedpans........................$ 5
   (because even machines aren't crazy)
   
   dispensing
   neccessary medications................10 cents
   meds demanded now...................$2
   just-in-case meds...........................$10
   
   listening to
   past medical history.....................$2 /hr
   family problems............................$4/hr
   every little pain you ever had......$50/hr
   
   wipe backside...............30cents/sq mtr
   wipe smelly feet.................50cents/toe
   wipe nose....................................diy!
   (because there are some things even a machine won't do!)
   
   agreeing to
   ignore advice of doctor.................$2
   ignore advice of physio.................$6
   ignore advice of real nurses.........$200
   (hey! who do you think is designing this thing!)
   
   estimated return on investement is 500%
   orderr your vendonurse today!!!!

   Last edit by gwenith on May 4, '03

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2. 

   About gwenith

   Joined: Jul '02; Posts: 10,261; Likes: 233
   icu nurse

   4 Comments

   Topic Closed
3. 
   May 4, '03

   Hitting the call bell fifteen seconds after the nurse has left the room: $1- $20 (Price ranges $1 for "I can't breathe." and you really can't breathe. $20 for "Could you find the tic tac that rolled under the bed?")
   
   
   methinks this could work.......
   Tres
4. 
   May 4, '03

   gwenith, you have the best jokes!
   
   :ROTFL:
5. 
   May 9, '03

   It'll never catch on..........................
   
   Karen
6. 
   May 9, '03

   A pt once lost the upper plate of his dentures and the family called the nurses careless but the following morning while doing his bed bath a nurse found the remaining plate in his diaper. Wonder what happened to the other plate.

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