Nursing Application Letter of Introduction Critique

[Amber Lamps]

Hi everyone! I've finally finished all my prereqs and made it past the first phase of my program's application process. The next step is a face-to-face interview and a letter of introduction. I'd like some feedback on my letter, if anyone would be so kind. I'd really appreciate any feedback! ^_^

In 2002, just one week after I graduated high school, I left home to go to Air Force Basic Military Training. I spent five years as a linguist on Active Duty, and I now perform the same duties in the Air National Guard. My time in the military has been amazing and has allowed me to grow in innumerable ways; however, it has also exposed me to some of the unique challenges facing active and veteran military members--namely medical issues, from limb amputations to psychological difficulties.

These distinctive military medical challenges inspired me to leave my career in linguistics and pursue medicine. I received my CNA certification in 2010 and an EMT certification in 2012, while simultaneously balancing classes at [local community college] and two young children at home. After working at [hospital], and volunteering at [another hospital]'s Emergency Department, I determined that I enjoyed patient interaction. I discussed various aspects of the nursing career with the nurses at [hospital #1] and [hospital #2], and came to the conclusion that a career in nursing would be right up my alley.

VA Medical Centers countrywide have been under fire lately, and I believe that part of their problem is a lack of concerned medical professionals. I hope to complete a BSN and then commission into the Air National Guard as a nurse, where I can return to the medical unit here in [city] and assist Guard members, as well as seek employment at the VA Medical Center in [city] where I can help veterans who so profoundly need--and deserve--medical treatment.

[RunBabyRN]

I think it's good, but I would take out the part about the lack of concerned medical professionals through the VA system (though I 100% agree with you, speaking as a vet myself). I would say something more about offering compassion and empathy that may be lacking, and mention something about Shinseki's resignation and looking forward to contributing to positive changes in the VA system moving forward.

Your linguistics (depending on your languages) may be very beneficial when you're looking for RN work. If you can, get certified to be a medical interpreter- this will REALLY help!

[Amber Lamps]

A belated thanks for the advice! I nailed it with the letter and got a spot.

[RunBabyRN]

Woot woot! Congratulations!