Nurses struggling with mental illness

Nurses Disabilities

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I was just wondering if there are any other nurses who struggle with mental illness. It seems to be one disability that is met with little tolerance and support in the medical field. I do have major co-morbid mental illness, Major depression/PTSD/DID, and have had many problems in my career. I have been in therapy and on meds for a long time and have worked very hard to be functional, and I have suprised myself by what I have been able to achieve. Currently, I am a hospice nurse in a residential setting and it seems that I have found my niche. It doesn't aggravate my illness too much. I am very busy at times and most of my job revolves in much cognitive thinking and decision making about the best ways to respond to a patient's emerging or existing symptoms, and in assessing patients to see where they are in the dying process, plus lots of educating to patients and families. My extensive personal trauma background has made me able to have a different perspective on death and don't see it as the scary thing that is SO SAD, that a lot of people do. Plus, because of the things that I have been through, I am more able to be compassionate and understanding of patients and their fears. I especially do well with patients with existing mental illness or lots of anxiety. I notice that a lot of nurses have little tolerance for a patients anxiety and are not willing to take the extra time to walk them through things and provide the extra reassurance that they need.

Yes, there are some nursing jobs that I don't think I would be able to do because of the fast on the spot life and death action necessary. ER and Trauma/Burn are pretty much out for me. But thats OK. A lot of nurses couldn't handle doing what I do either for their own reasons. We are all suited to certain things.

Having mental illness doesn't automatically make you unsuited for the nursing profession. Even though I have heard many times, "what are you doing here?" "Shouldn't you be doing something else, less stressful?"

I am here and am doing the thing I am suited for. Yes sometimes I have to take time off due to my illness, but its no different than somone who has flare ups of a chronic physical illness like lupus, chronic fatigue, or fibromyalgia.

I would like to know how other nurses have coped with their own illness and their nursing careers.

Severina

Specializes in Med surg, Critical Care, LTC.

I lost my position in the ER due to my illness - which turned out probably to be a good thing, as I think it definitely contributed to my depression, PTSD, and anxiety - none the less, the nurse manager refused to let me come back after my doctor took me out of work for a couple of weeks.

I probably should have fought it, but I was too unstable at the time. That's how I ended up in PACU. A nurse had left on Maternity leave, and employee health sent me there to fill in. I ended up taking a 3 day a week position up there, when I wanted full time.

Worse, it seems all the years I worked there and fought for respect and credibility are gone. Frankly, it p*sses me off. I was so sought after in that hospital for several years. Nurse managers were coming to me and trying to "steal" me from the ER. Now, I can't even get full time.

Sometimes it really gets me down. Today is one of those times.

Thanks for listening. How do I get my credibility back?

Thanks for listening. How do I get my credibility back?

You can get credibility back??? No, just playing.

I find that you can't let what other people think bother you. People that will look down on you because of an illness are, for lack of a better word, stupid. I know that may offend some people and I don't intend to but these people are just that. Nothing else fits. Nothing else is appropriate.

You never lost your credibility. The people that treat you differently have lost theirs...

Specializes in Med surg, Critical Care, LTC.

Thanks Stanley, that's sweet and appreciated.

Doesn't change the fact that I've worked 16 years for the same hospital, and I can't get full time employment. I'm often given full time hours, to fill in for illnesses or vacations, but I can't get the "official" full time title with the full time benies.

I'm not use to you being so sweet Stanley, usually you and I are at opposite ends of a thread LOL!

Anyhow, Thanks

I'm not use to you being so sweet Stanley, usually you and I are at opposite ends of a thread LOL!

Anyhow, Thanks

You are welcome. :)

It really depends which mood I happen to be in. Yes, there are more than 2. Bipolar is a misnomer lol.

Specializes in Perioperative.
What I would like to know, have any of you noticed that there is less acceptance/tolerance for nurses with mental health issues than, say, those with diabetes or heart disease? Why is this, do you think?

I have my own opinions, which I have expressed in several posts and threads, but I'd love to hear others.

How do you all deal with coworkers who "know" your "secret illness" - because I seriously doubt most of you talk about it at work freely, I know I don't. It would be nice to be able to do so though. Those I work with who have cardiac problems or gyn problems talk freely.

Sort of venting I guess, but would love to hear from you.

Babs

Hey Babs!

It's funny, (strange) you ask this. I don't talk about this with anyone at work. For one, it's none of their business! That is confidential information, however, I just discovered this week that my boss disclosed "my" information to another. (I believe that is a HIPPA violation among others) And I was "spoken" to AGAIN about whether I was really being a team player and what was going on with me, specifically... and about my medication and that I might be a liability if I was on meds because I looked tired (at the end of a long week) and that my "affect" was flat at the end of today.

I am not being treated like the professional that I trained to be and AM and I swear I am SO being harrassed!!!:cry:

Specializes in Geriatrics, ICU, OR, PACU.
What I would like to know, have any of you noticed that there is less acceptance/tolerance for nurses with mental health issues than, say, those with diabetes or heart disease? Why is this, do you think?

I have my own opinions, which I have expressed in several posts and threads, but I'd love to hear others.

How do you all deal with coworkers who "know" your "secret illness" - because I seriously doubt most of you talk about it at work freely, I know I don't. It would be nice to be able to do so though. Those I work with who have cardiac problems or gyn problems talk freely.

Sort of venting I guess, but would love to hear from you.

Babs

I think the whole acceptance thing is mostly just the standard poor acceptance of mental health issues in general by the public. Depression excepted. People seem to understand THAT one, but if you have any other diagnosis, whoa, boy. I've seen the looks thrown my way after I had to take a couple of weeks off to get through a mania or depression. That's back when I kept the whole thing a big "secret".

I'm much happier being "out" regarding my bipolar disease. Granted, I don't make a point to tell my line staff, but it's important to me that the management team knows. If someone on the line staff overhears a conversation that I'm having about my illness, *shrugs*, that's fine, but I'm not going out of my way to tell them.

The management team (and my kick-a&& boss) have been as supportive as they get, and I love not having to feel like a pariah. :yeah:

Specializes in Med surg, Critical Care, LTC.

It does sound like you may be being singled out At Sea, and it's so wrong.

I try to be happy and cheerful everyday at work. Yet, whenever my eval comes along, it's never my qualifications in question, but vague complaints like: "You need to work on your communication skills with your co-workers" or "You get anxious in critical situations" (I think that's called adrenaline) or "People have complained about your attitude at times"

So then I ask, "Can you give me specific examples?" No, she couldn't, no examples about anything. My question was then "How am I to improve certain areas or behaviors, if I'm not aware they are occurring?" She didn't have a answer for that one. I specifically requested that any of these alleged "problem" areas be addressed with me at the time of occurrence so I would then be aware of what she is talking about. A year later, it's time for my next eval, no one in the previous year came to me with ANY complaints.

Guess what, same sh*t on my eval a couple of weeks ago. I've shown "some improvement" in those areas (I haven't changed a thing), and my manager had nothing to say when I said "That's strange that these areas are still problems, as I requested that situations be addressed at the time they occurred, so I could understand 'my behaviors' and then correct them yet no one has mentioned anything to me this past year." She had nothing to say.

So, I understand where your coming from.

Peace

PS: While I have not disclosed any of my diagnoses with my peers, the "management" all know - and I have no doubt that "someone" told all of my peers. We just recently changed from 500cc bags of NS to 1000cc bags in our Endoscopy area. I was floated there yesterday, and had to do the daily order, and I accidentally ordered the 500cc bags. One of my other co-workers came to me and very tentatively said "I hope you won't think I'm criticizing you (puts her hand on my shoulder), but you ordered the 500cc bags instead of the 1000cc bags, I fixed it but I wanted you to know for next time" I said "'Sue', why would you think that bringing an error that I made to my attention, would be construed by me as "criticizing"? She said "I just didn't want you to get upset", I told her "No problems, thanks for bringing it to my attention, I had forgotten. It's never a problem to come to me with an error I've made - I'm an adult, I can take it." I thanked her and she left.

Yeah, my secret is OUT

Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..

Applauding you guys who are able to continue working at ALL! I don't know if I will ever "get there" - or even want to, sigh... but anyway - if any of you feel you are being discriminated against in any way you need to document all conversations and events in case at some point you want to do something about it - many of us get very good performance reviews, for example, that do not correlate w/ the way we are being treated! You don't necessarily have to go somewhere that you are unknown in order to get your credibility back. You just need to get your back - UP!

Good luck and keep up the good work, I am "proud" of you if that is any kind of thing to say to you, I know the illness makes doing what you do very challenging. But NOT doing what you're doing is also very challenging :(

God bless ya!

Specializes in Perioperative.
i think the whole acceptance thing is mostly just the standard poor acceptance of mental health issues in general by the public. depression excepted. people seem to understand that one, but if you have any other diagnosis, whoa, boy. i've seen the looks thrown my way after i had to take a couple of weeks off to get through a mania or depression. that's back when i kept the whole thing a big "secret".

i'm much happier being "out" regarding my bipolar disease. granted, i don't make a point to tell my line staff, but it's important to me that the management team knows. if someone on the line staff overhears a conversation that i'm having about my illness, *shrugs*, that's fine, but i'm not going out of my way to tell them.

the management team (and my kick-a&& boss) have been as supportive as they get, and i love not having to feel like a pariah. :yeah:

nurseexec,

i have to disagree with "depression" being accepted. at least it hasn't been accepted anywhere i've ever been.

but why do you think there is "poor acceptance"? i mean you are part of a management team, yes? in this day and age? in our profession?? even the general public, i have to say that if they don't know the statistics, which is very difficult for me to believe, (as they are among the many affected) how could they too, have a poor acceptance? in your opinion, of course! :confused:

Specializes in Perioperative.

So, I understand where your coming from.

Peace

Yeah, my secret is OUT

Thanks Babs! I feel I have found the one person in the world that understands what I'm going through!! :bow:

Unfortunately, I can't let it rest today. This getting called into the office again yesterday has floored me and it's ruining my weekend!

I too, try to be and AM happy and cheerful every day at work, whether I am or not. It's part of my responsibility, right? And the vague complaints you mentioned are exactly what I'm getting from my boss. When I asked her if she had had any specific complaints from anyone else or if she felt that she had made a mistake in hiring me, I received a "NO". But then I also received the remarks about looking tired, having a flat affect, and being paranoid. Now I ask this question only because it relates to the disease process, but what if I had decided to go on home and do myself in? These comments came from my boss who said that she "understood" depression. She takes antidepressants herself!! Why would anyone who understood depression make crappy, undeserving comments to someone with depression? I mean they don't know where "one" stands within their disease process, right?

As far as your coworkers knowing about your illness with the saline order, that was really wrong! They shouldn't know about it at in the first place. She could have just said, "hey, remember for next time that we just changed to the 1000 cc bags". Period!

I'll say it again, it's a HIPPA violation against you. And I don't feel very good about my co workers knowing about my business either. My boss questioned me about why I questioned a charge nurse knowing about it while she was on vacation. She informed me that she needed to know for staffing purposes in case I couldn't be there, even after I told her specifically, before she left on vacation that I WOULD be there. She didn't need to know the specifics! Like Stanley mentioned in an earlier post - if they don't understand, well their just STUPID! And he's right that it shouldn't bother us, but how can it not?

I can't get this out of my head! I'm tired and overwhelmed about the whole thing! On the two days of the week I should be relaxing and resting, I'm emotionally distraght over this bulls*#!:crying2::crying2:

Specializes in Perioperative.
Applauding you guys who are able to continue working at ALL! I don't know if I will ever "get there" - or even want to, sigh... but anyway - if any of you feel you are being discriminated against in any way you need to document all conversations and events in case at some point you want to do something about it - many of us get very good performance reviews, for example, that do not correlate w/ the way we are being treated! You don't necessarily have to go somewhere that you are unknown in order to get your credibility back. You just need to get your back - UP!

Good luck and keep up the good work, I am "proud" of you if that is any kind of thing to say to you, I know the illness makes doing what you do very challenging. But NOT doing what you're doing is also very challenging :(

God bless ya!

zoeboboey,

Thanks for your encouragement! It means A LOT!!! :p

With the way things are out there right now, I don't know if I'd EVER want to get back out there if I were so lucky to get out of it myself!

If you don't mind me asking, what is your story?

Also, it sounds like you have some knowledge about discrimination. Again, if you don't mind, tell me more!

Peace to you!

P.S. You can always tell me your story confidentially through direct email! :typing

Specializes in Geriatrics, ICU, OR, PACU.
nurseexec,

i have to disagree with "depression" being accepted. at least it hasn't been accepted anywhere i've ever been. perhaps it's just been my experience. i recall conversations with fellow icu nurses discussing our issues with depression. i would venture to say that 40% or so of the people i worked with complained about it. on the other hand, this was when i was living in alaska, and it's really hard not to be depressed, when you go in in the dark and come home in the dark.

but why do you think there is "poor acceptance"? i mean you are part of a management team, yes? in this day and age? in our profession?? i don't think our profession makes us immune to hundreds of years of stigma against mental illness. it's always been my opinion that people, as a rule, are overtly or secretly "afraid" of mental illness. i spent years struggling with mania, because i knew, as an rn, that if i told my psychiatrist that i had them, i would be "branded" with the bipolar label. i also believe that part of the poor acceptance of mental illness by healthcare workers can be directly related to their experiences with mentally ill people in crisis. for example, an er nurse has a violent schizophenic patient attempt to injure her. she goes home, and her son introduces her to his new, schizophrenic girlfriend. will she be understanding? will she be non-judgemental? i don't think so.

even the general public, i have to say that if they don't know the statistics, which is very difficult for me to believe, (as they are among the many affected) how could they too, have a poor acceptance? in your opinion, of course!

:confused:

when i think of the general public, i often think of my parents, who still think, after all these years, that i can be cured. these are two highly educated, professional people, and my mother is in healthcare. they are very internet-savvy, and read voraciously. yet, given all that, they still are quite horrified that i am bipolar, and prefer that i don't mention my disease, medication, or anything else related.

i don't know if that's an answer, but it's a few of my humble :) opinions.

i really appreciate, btw, your thoughtful questions and dialogue. :nurse:

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