Hey all...
I'm having a very difficult time being positive lately. My decision to get my license back took a while, then the whole face the BON, get into IPN, complete the RN refresher course took forever. Still during that time I didn't seem to get discouraged. I saw it as a challenge, I met each obstacle with determination and relentlessness. And there were plenty of obstacles!
The license that I currently hold says 'conditional/active.' The 'conditions' are the I take an RN refresher course ( check ) and complete IPN ( almost 3 years in to a 5 year contract ). I was in an IPN contract for addiction to opiates back in 2007, I was diagnosed with Cancer. I made a decision at that time to stop monitoring, I let my license go through 2 consecutive licensing periods without renewing ( which made it null/void ). Boy, do I regret it. THAT is where I screwed up. But, I wasn't thinking at my best. I was having chemo ports placed, going through CT Scans and I was just whipped as a human being.
Fast forward to now, with so much of these obstacles behind me, I can't get a job. I've handled my fair share of rejections. To me, rejection means I was there, I put my best foot forward and "they" said NO. What I am experiencing now is not rejection, it's non-existence. I hear crickets chirping... No call, no email, no voice in HR saying 'thanks, but no thanks,' nothing. And I realize the world went through a great deal of change during my hibernation, dark night of the soul, whatever it was. Human contact is gone...
The thing I dislike the most about this season of my life is the forgetting of how very much I have overcome. I forget that I've left behind addiction. I forget that I have won a battle against cancer. I forget that I took on the BON. I chased them all over my state to never miss a hearing where my fate was in question. I forget that I drove to a hospital 3 hours South of me for a month, to complete the clinical portion of the RN refresher course because no hospitals in my area wanted me. I forget....
I forget in in favor of a profession that is unkind, uncaring, unforgiving to it's very own. My patients can be sick, I cannot.
I am really down right now and could use some insight into actions that can refresh my memory about why I am so very fortunate. And some tactics for making myself more appealing to this brutal profession I guess I still have a fondness for. Otherwise, I'm just going to think I'm a stupid individual.
Thanks for reading!