Nurse in recovery

[nur14]

I am a nurse in recovery from alcoholism, I have been sober for almost 17 years. I went to AA religiously for 5 years, joined a group, was active in the group, had a sponsor. After 5 years of daily meetings I went back to school and just began to pursue spirituality and recovery through meditation and spiritual reading. I work in the addiction field dispensing methadone and feel this is my way of giving back what I am so grateful to have been given which is sobriety and I never ever forget that it could be me on the other side of the window. I have never told another nurse that I work with that I am in recovery. I have seen how judgmental the medical community still is toward addiction and it appalls me. But I feel like i am carrying around this secret. I have recently started seeing a therapist because I'm feeling some depression, my work hours are 5;30 a.m. to 1;30 p.m and those hours just don't give me much time to have any kind of life. I am so tired when I get home that I need to sleep. I sleep for around 5 hours, then I'm awake again for a few hours, then I go back to sleep for a few hours, probably on the worst sleep schedule possible.

I feel I have come so far, from not even being able to hold a job to a Computer Degree, obtained my R.N. and- just recently finished my BSN. But I'm not happy-. My husband is bi-polar and can no longer work. My son has psych issues as well, but is doing ok. I have this horrible fear of driving, which i'm going to work on with my therapist to conquer, as I have my driver's license. I guess I am lonely and just needed to reach out to some others that might understand me. And I know I should probably go back to AA, but I just wasn't getting what I needed from AA when I left. I wasn't willing to do everything that the program spelled out and people in AA would say, "Well you are not working your program". It began to feel like the Catholic religion I was brought up in, repressive, and I could never meet the expectations, so I stopped going.

[Omaapecm, ASN, RN]

First of all congrats on all you have accomplished in the last 17 years. That is such an amazing accomplishment !!!!!!!

This is a great place to vent and get advice and good support for recovering nurses. However it can not replace what AA or a more personal fellowship can offer. You have 17 years sobriety and work in addiction so you have a lot to offer to a fellow addict. have you thought about starting your own recovery group. I've been to many AA/NA meeting and even though they carry the same "word" they can be very different. It took me over a year before I found a women who chaired an NA closed group. I felt at home and accepted. I used to hate going because I always felt ridiculed and looked down at and never felt like people wanted to hear what I had to say. You can trust that other's will want to hear what you have to say. 17 years is so amazing just tread lightly. These all may be little signs warning you to be aware and prepared so you don't relapse. Hang in there and keep posting. I always feel better after! Have tried natural antidepressants suck as wild orange doterra or 5htp.

[FHL18]

Congrats on your 17 years! That is nothing to take lightly. My personal feelings are that everyone's recovery programs don't have to look the same. Whatever works for you works for you, so keep doing it. But the fact that you are struggling and feeling some depression and such, it might be a good time to try some meetings again? I've been to many, many meetings and finally found a few that I go to regularly. I've been to bad AA and good AA, bad NA and good NA, and so on. And the meetings I love and attend now are where I find acceptance and love, and no judgement. However, they are also places people will call me on my crap, which I personally need. But I agree with the previous comment that you have a lot to offer a fellow addict/alcoholic. I, too, am a nurse in recovery and am looking to go into work in a treatment center or something comparable after spending my last 13 in the ER/trauma arena, because I just want to give back what was freely given to me and help other addicts/alcoholics, especially in healthcare where we all know the stigma is ridiculous and upsetting. Keep up the good work and let us know how you're doing!

[Vanursie]

I recently switched locations and started attending all new meetings and I must say it can really be a breathe of fresh air! Sometimes all it takes is to connect with some new people and your recovery thrives from it!

[misslindzee]

Just wanted to say hello... I can relate to some of what you're feeling. I sometimes feel like certain members are suggesting EVERYTHING can be fixed by following the program. That is not the case. Take what you can from the meetings and leave what you don't like behind, kind of like at a buffet. Hopefully you can get on the right regimen with your psychiatrist! You're not alone.

[Biosphere]

Cosigned, my thoughts exactly