FHL18

Thanks for the reply. I personally do not agree with long term use of suboxone as maintenance therapy...definitely agree with it's use in the short term for detox, but wouldn't really want to work in a doctor's office that supports putting people on sub long term. But I actually got a job about 2 weeks ago with a local treatment facility/psych facility and am super excited for the opportunity! = )

Lisa, I know you posted a long time ago but have you found a nurse meeting? Because there is one in Dallas. I live in DFW area and attend every Tuesday night. PM me for more info. I am in a very similar situation as you and am just starting to job hunt. Let me know if you are still around and how things are going. = )

Congrats on your 17 years! That is nothing to take lightly. My personal feelings are that everyone's recovery programs don't have to look the same. Whatever works for you works for you, so keep doing it. But the fact that you are struggling and feeling some depression and such, it might be a good time to try some meetings again? I've been to many, many meetings and finally found a few that I go to regularly. I've been to bad AA and good AA, bad NA and good NA, and so on. And the meetings I love and attend now are where I find acceptance and love, and no judgement. However, they are also places people will call me on my crap, which I personally need. But I agree with the previous comment that you have a lot to offer a fellow addict/alcoholic. I, too, am a nurse in recovery and am looking to go into work in a treatment center or something comparable after spending my last 13 in the ER/trauma arena, because I just want to give back what was freely given to me and help other addicts/alcoholics, especially in healthcare where we all know the stigma is ridiculous and upsetting. Keep up the good work and let us know how you're doing!

Hi ODAAT, I am still trying to work through this one myself. I was diverting but I resigned before I got caught or anyone knew what was up. I self-referred to TPAPN, Texas' monitoring program, and the hospital and my colleagues are all on my amends list. I don't know how to go about this since no one there knows the truth. I have been told this could be a living amends situation where I work a solid program of recovery and never return to anything like this, and return to safe, healthy nursing practice, but I feel every one of our situation's is individual. Talk with your sponsor, pray about it and your Higher Power will give you guidance on how to move forward in handling these amends when the timing is right. = )

Hi there! I am also in TPAPN after self-referring. What part of Texas are you in? We have a nurse meeting in the Dallas area that has been life changing for me and my recovery. My best advice is to fly under the radar, keep your head down and just do what you are supposed to do. Don't ever forget to check in or test. I know a girl who missed a call in three times and they extended her for an entire year. Make your meetings, work the steps with your sponsor and make your recovery first in your life, everything else second. TPAPN is a bunch of hoops to jump through, but they are doable hoops. TPAPN also doesn't equal good recovery. They require all the things that are the foundation of good recovery, but it's up to us to work a solid program and find good recovery. It can seem daunting at times but it is all worth it. I am grateful our state has an alternative to discipline program because there are still states out there that do not and discipline is the only option when one has an addiction and gets in trouble. Just a little fun fact for you, for those who SUCCESSFULLY COMPLETE TPAPN, 89% of them are still sober at the 5 year mark. Those are pretty damn good odds compared to the 5-10% of people who stay sober after treatment. Try to see it as a blessing instead of just a curse. Look for the positives, the blessings in your life, and think of where you would be if TPAPN didn't exist. When one gets a board order in the state of Texas, even if it's just a warning, it never goes away. Every time someone looks at your license the rest of your career they would see it and you would have to explain it at every job interview. TPAPN goes away once successfully completed. So keep your head down and keep doing the next right thing. You CAN do this and it WILL be worth it! = )

I don't know what state you are in but in addition to AA I also attend DAA (drug addicts anonymous) and it's a wonderful group. The website is http://www.daausa.org I am in Texas by the way, Dallas area. Texas also accepts Celebrate recovery.

Hi there! I am also in TPAPN and in the DFW area. I just self-reported about a month ago for also diverting from my previous employer, but never got busted there. I agree with what everyone else has said. You may not have used for 2 months because you had the crap scared out of you, but you need to jump into recovery and quickly. I would find out if your job is TPAPN friendly. Like others said, there is a whole list of stipulations for your job that are required by TPAPN. No narcotic access for 6 months, usually no nights or weekends, no float pool, among other things. Many, many places are not TPAPN friendly. Not to discourage you but this is something I had to get used to. I have never been interviewed for a nursing job that I was not offered, so I have had to prepare myself mentally and emotionally for the rejection that is coming. And it isn't their fault, they are just uneducated on addiction as I also used to be. But your work will find out sooner or later, and probably sooner rather than later if you've already been reported to TPAPN. You should be getting a packet in the mail this week I bet from TPAPN telling you who your caseworker is and what not. My recommendation to you would be to call them back immediately and enroll. If you decline TPAPN you will get sent back to the boards and will be at the mercy of what they decide, and whatever they decide will stay on your license forever. If you successfully complete TPAPN (it's a 3 year contract) it will go away after you complete it. I also want to prepare you that they will ask you to go to some form of treatment as well. I have been to inpatient treatment twice and outpatient once and at the time I reported to TPAPN a month ago I had 3 months clean, and they still made me do 6 more weeks of out patient treatment. From what I understand it is mandatory for pretty much everyone. They see it as even though I was back working a strong program of recovery, I still relapsed, even though it was a couple weeks. So I get treatment again like everyone else. And what sucks in my situation is my insurance wouldn't pay for treatment because I was at 3 months clean, so I got to pay like 2k out of pocket. But...I'm at a place of surrender with the whole thing and you will have to find that place too. Surrender to this process, and start looking for other jobs now that are TPAPN friendly. Start going to AA/NA meetings. Find a sponsor, and start working the steps. All of this will be required for you in TPAPN anyway, however, you need this for your recovery first and foremost. I started out my addiction with hydrocodone, and swore I would never do anything else. Well this last relapse was me, clean needles I stole from work and vials of opiates I took home as wasted from my patients. The disease of addiction is progressive and fatal, and it will take you down roads you never thought you would go. Trust me on this. It does get worse. So get a hold of this thing now. You will be ok and you can get through this. We are here for you, and I am in north DFW but if you ever wanna meet up for coffee one day let me know and I'll be glad to meet up and talk more. Sorry to ramble, but hope this helps. I needed all the help and info I could get when I first started out in recovery. = ) Feel free to pm me too with any questions or anything I can help you with.

Hey verybadkitty, Thank you so very much for the information! I received your PM but I guess because I am too new here I cannot reply to your post. I would love to ask you a couple more questions relating to what you shared with me, because you mentioned a facility that is one of the two I would LOVE to work at. Is it possible for you to PM me your email or another way I can contact you since I cannot reply to your PM? Thank you SO very much and please know how much I appreciate you taking the time to respond to me. = )

Hi there, I am going to be starting tpapn shortly and am also in the DFW area. I would love to get a job working in a psych facility, and plan to continue working in mental health/addictions even after I complete Tpapn. Could you give me some recommendations of psych facilities that give tpapn nurses a chance around DFW?

It would be great to meet up and share our stories.

I understand what you are saying as far as not better or worse, just different. I attend a meeting called DAA (drug addicts anonymous) and I have also attended NA and AA periodically. Would love to discuss this in more detail when we can connect in a not-so-public forum. And I have met nurses when I went to rehab but I have yet to meet one around DFW, and as we nurses know, the discrimination among healthcare professionals is 10 times worse than how the public even views addicts. THere is zero sympathy, compassion…just 100% intolerance. This is why I wanted to find a meeting specific of healthcare providers because it truly is different what we experience, and nurses are scared to death to ask for help. I know I was, and felt SO incredibly alone while in active addiction. It shouldn't be so. Nothing about the nursing field makes it easy to ask for help, and that only puts the public more at risk too in my opinion. I want to eventually reach out and help other nurses and educate others more because it shouldn't be this way. The last statistic I read was 1 in 7 nurses has a substance abuse problem, so why isn't anyone doing anything to change this? It's putting everyone at risk and nurses just are too scared to reach out and ask for help because they are rejected by everyone in their field and feel completely ostracized from colleagues, like it's just a moral problem, not a disease. And that's ridiculous.

Hey Justme, I noticed you're online but I am too new to send a PM I guess. I tried but it said until I start 15 new threads I cannot PM. Bummer. I don't know how else I can get in touch with you as I don't think we are allowed to put phone numbers/emails etc on this thread. Any ideas? Are you in the DFW area too? Did you self report to TPAPN or got reported by a third party?

Hi everyone and thanks for your comments. I appreciate your advice. One of the main reasons I wanted to get into the field of addiction nursing is so I could use my own personal experience in helping the patients I care for, so if I don't disclose that I am in recovery myself, I can't ever open up and be honest with anyone I care for about my own recovery status. So in y'alls opinion you feel it's best for me to just not disclose my own personal recovery and just say I have personal experience? This whole experience is just so new for me and like y'all said, I don't wanna shoot myself in the foot. I have met a few nurses in recovery, however every single one of them have been forced into our state's peer assistance program because they got caught diverting, so I haven't met anyone in my position, in recovery from addiction but not in the peer assistance program. I don't want to do peer assistance as I feel strong in my recovery and I am not going to return to a job with access to narcotics, at least not in the foreseeable future until I have a good amount of recovery time under my belt.

And forgive me, I am still very new here, but how can I find the recovery forum where the administrator moved my thread? Thanks in advance for y'alls help! = )

Hi Justme_RN! Thanks for your reply. I would love to grab coffee or something sometime and talk about our experiences, if you are in the DFW area. And I honestly have thought a lot about starting my own nursing recovery group, however I'm not sure how that would work since I am not currently in TPAPN. I am going to try and PM you, if I can figure out how to do that. And then maybe we can chat further and connect about all this, and maybe hit some meetings together. = )