Nurse No More ....??

[daisy2155]

My first post :/

First a little history I guess. Graduated 2008 with ADN. Started BSN last year and will graduate in December. After that had planned to enter MSN FNP program. Currently working home health private duty. History of Med Surg, Geri psych, and LTC management. Fired from 3 jobs total which was a total shot to my self esteem. First time was my 2nd job as a nurse. Very very busy post Surg floor and I was completely lost and the nurses were the eat their young type. Cried all the way to work dreaded all day and cried all the way home. Should have quit but was really new to nursing. Second time was my 3rd job worked there over a year new nurse was hired which I guess did not like me... Anyways lied and told bosses that I was documenting assessments that I had not done (not true btw I am a thorough nurse and don't lie anyways) BUT the thing is I was doing something wrong I was doing half of the assessment at one time and half at a different time (long story short on that is patients up at 5am and I would do lungs and vitals but say 7am I would assess eating and talking or whatever at breakfast time) and documenting the later time. But I did not know I was doing anything wrong. I was just being thorough and making sure I answered all questions after observing the patient. Anywho the job was high stress anyways due to management issues. Ok so 3rd time I was in management and both my bosses that loved me and praised me and all that up and left for a different facility and new people came in. I didn't click with new DON but whatever I was going to stick it out. Out of no where (well I say that but I was looking for new job maybe that showed but whatever new management was money hungry and I actually cared about patient care and the load on the floor nurses) they called me in the office and said they wanted to go a different direction. Mind you just a week or so prior I was sent for new training and given a pay raise and a new position title. But I'm pretty sure it had to do with the DON not liking me but I wouldn't either if the person below me was training me on how to do my job (old DON was gone a lot and I did that job and actually was told I was excellent at it) so here I am in a Podunk town fired 3 times from local places. I probably pretty much am working at the only place that hasn't fired me in town (really podunk around here and only other options are traveling) but I have tuffed it out. Been doing HH over 2 years. Same patient every day for 2 years. It's getting old super fast. However, I applied to BSN because I see my history. I need to do something to counteract that. I took some elective courses like on assessments, documentation, leadership, management and then all the BSN work so that I can show future possible employers that yea I have had rough patches (because bad mouthing employers in interviews is bad I will just suck up and take blame on past jobs) but I have tried to improve myself and move beyond that. Even am working on changing my rehire status at the first firing job (for one they are major employer in area) since I was out of my league with the job and all I'm going to use that to my benefit.... Ok so If you made it this far you are fairly caught up. Thanks or sticking now on to it.....

Anyways, the past few months I have really been feeling like I no longer want to be a nurse. I like being a nurse but I don't LOVE it. I mean should I LOVE IT???? I don't like the hours, hate documenting, hate giving meds. I mean it has all become so mundane. What I do all day anyone could do. I'm using no real skills here. Plus I been re evaluating life. My kids are young (pre teen) and I want to spend more time with them. (Well right now I work M-F day shift). Looked into school nurse but you gotta know someone that knows someone that knows someone.... I have honestly just thought of getting out of nursing all together. But where else can you go and make this money?? Especially in this economy! I had looked into getting a MAsters in education and become a teacher. Like teach science or something. Really don't want to teach nursing. Really don't want to work in a hospital and the thought of getting my ANP license doesn't make me feel like it once did.

Has anyone been here?? I really hope I'm not alone. The nurses I have worked with I really think have done this to me. Backstabbing, lying, trying to take your position. I mean seriously why can't it be because you love people and want to help them trough some of the darkest days of their life???!!! For real.....

Thanks for sticking with me.

[ICURN3020]

You sound like you are compassionate towards your patients and committed to your nursing education. However, I think that anyone who is fired from three different jobs and seems to repeatedly assign the blame to others should at least consider looking inward and doing some self-analyzing. Maybe the issue isn't "them", maybe it's you. It very well may be that you just happened to end up with crappy coworkers over and over, but it's more likely that you are causing your own difficulties, even unknowingly. It's always easier to point out other's faults versus our own. Just a thought...

[ruralgirl08]

I think you need to treat nursing like a job not a "calling". Do the best you can and ask for feedback from preceptors, be aware of your weaknesses. Try and improve them. Work on developing positive interpersonal skills with your co-workers. Nursing is very team orientated. Try and make the best of your current position, are there any opportunities for growth in home health?