daisy2155

Way to go on making positive changes. If you go slow you will have a higher chance of success. Trying to put a lot of pressure on yourself will make your anxiety worse. Step back, focus, meditate and take one step at a time. First get clean. It could take 15 days or it could take 45 days every person is different metabolically. Get some home drug test and after 2 weeks clean just try one. Then again a week later. That will help ease anxiety on you for one and keep you focused. Once a few test come back negative then move to the 2nd and prepare to take classes. I deal with anxiety and when I have a million things going on I also overwhelmed I won't do any of it. I can't because I'm only seeing the mountain in front of. If I step back and take a breath and prioritize and only look at what is immediate then I can handle that much better. Good luck to you! And take it a step at a time. :)

Man all those typos. That is what I get for using my iPhone. :) and good luck to you.

Nurses should not tell you to suck it up. Actually in general that should not be part of first day on the job of any place. But I have done management and training and all that. Nursing school is nothing like being a nurse. Let me repeat that: NURSING SCHOOL IS NOTHING LIKE BEING A NURSE. You are babied, followed, and the experiences you get are limited. I have said over and over that nursing programs should restructure their last semesters. It doesn't make sense for a person to go from having 2 to 3 patients to a job with a full load. Nursing schools need to make nurses that hospitals want to hire. And hospitals should have an intensive program for new grads that doesn't last a few weeks. I have seen awesome programs for new hires that last months and only at the end of that time do you commit to a floor. You rotate through all areas. How do you know if you love ICU if you haven't had the full experience. I thought I wanted to be a L&D nurse till I assisted in delivering twins. Never wanted to do that again. I have had many similar situations like you have described. I had my first preceptor call me lazy because she did not think I asked enough questions. WHAT??? I'm new on the job and a brand spanking new nurse. My head is spinning and I have so many questions and I don't know where to start. How is belittling someone going to open the lines of communication up and make an effective nurse. It's going to make a person scared to ask a question!! I was like you brand new to work in general. First real job and all. So my advice to you is: it's ok to feel the way you do! People learn differently and face it some people just suck at teaching. I can tell you right now I could not preceptor. I know what I am doing but for it to come out of my head and into something that is understandable is doubtful. Don't give up.... Nurses eat their young because most nurses around here are b's. (And please grow some thicker if that offends anyone.... Lol I am totally speaking about my experiences in my area) Yep I said and I will say it again. They try to underhand your work, talk behind your back, stab you in the back while offering a hug. At least this has been my experience. And it's sad. I want to leave nursing now just because of all this. Grow a thicker skin?? OK but that just doesn't work for some people. It hasn't for me yet. But I just can't understand how a nurse can show compassion to a patient but not to a new grad? What?! Because it was done to you? That's nonsense. But I digress. Now back to the advice. If the next preceptor is not a good fit then go to your DON. Have a talk and lay out on the table what the deal is. Now for the ugly.... These nurses especially seasoned ones know when a new hire will work out pretty fast. They have seen enough come and go. And you may have hit the nail on the head when you said maybe you should have went to med Surg first. I'm a firm believer that new grads should have a year or 2 of MS. But you also sound determined. That could be your drive. You will have to decide how bad you want that spot and you will have to work for it. Like I tell my kids anything in life worth having you have I work for. Don't get discouraged! And really use this time to find your niche. Like me I have had too many bad experiences. Haven't stuck with a specialty. And now I'm kind of burned out because of the bad stuff. I love the patients (especially the geriatric population). Bu. It's just not fun like it used to be. Work through the hard stuff don't run from if. You will grow and you will become better. You are not suppose to be Florence freakin nightingale on your first day. Lol a

My first post :/ First a little history I guess. Graduated 2008 with ADN. Started BSN last year and will graduate in December. After that had planned to enter MSN FNP program. Currently working home health private duty. History of Med Surg, Geri psych, and LTC management. Fired from 3 jobs total which was a total shot to my self esteem. First time was my 2nd job as a nurse. Very very busy post Surg floor and I was completely lost and the nurses were the eat their young type. Cried all the way to work dreaded all day and cried all the way home. Should have quit but was really new to nursing. Second time was my 3rd job worked there over a year new nurse was hired which I guess did not like me... Anyways lied and told bosses that I was documenting assessments that I had not done (not true btw I am a thorough nurse and don't lie anyways) BUT the thing is I was doing something wrong I was doing half of the assessment at one time and half at a different time (long story short on that is patients up at 5am and I would do lungs and vitals but say 7am I would assess eating and talking or whatever at breakfast time) and documenting the later time. But I did not know I was doing anything wrong. I was just being thorough and making sure I answered all questions after observing the patient. Anywho the job was high stress anyways due to management issues. Ok so 3rd time I was in management and both my bosses that loved me and praised me and all that up and left for a different facility and new people came in. I didn't click with new DON but whatever I was going to stick it out. Out of no where (well I say that but I was looking for new job maybe that showed but whatever new management was money hungry and I actually cared about patient care and the load on the floor nurses) they called me in the office and said they wanted to go a different direction. Mind you just a week or so prior I was sent for new training and given a pay raise and a new position title. But I'm pretty sure it had to do with the DON not liking me but I wouldn't either if the person below me was training me on how to do my job (old DON was gone a lot and I did that job and actually was told I was excellent at it) so here I am in a Podunk town fired 3 times from local places. I probably pretty much am working at the only place that hasn't fired me in town (really podunk around here and only other options are traveling) but I have tuffed it out. Been doing HH over 2 years. Same patient every day for 2 years. It's getting old super fast. However, I applied to BSN because I see my history. I need to do something to counteract that. I took some elective courses like on assessments, documentation, leadership, management and then all the BSN work so that I can show future possible employers that yea I have had rough patches (because bad mouthing employers in interviews is bad I will just suck up and take blame on past jobs) but I have tried to improve myself and move beyond that. Even am working on changing my rehire status at the first firing job (for one they are major employer in area) since I was out of my league with the job and all I'm going to use that to my benefit.... Ok so If you made it this far you are fairly caught up. Thanks or sticking now on to it..... Anyways, the past few months I have really been feeling like I no longer want to be a nurse. I like being a nurse but I don't LOVE it. I mean should I LOVE IT???? I don't like the hours, hate documenting, hate giving meds. I mean it has all become so mundane. What I do all day anyone could do. I'm using no real skills here. Plus I been re evaluating life. My kids are young (pre teen) and I want to spend more time with them. (Well right now I work M-F day shift). Looked into school nurse but you gotta know someone that knows someone that knows someone.... I have honestly just thought of getting out of nursing all together. But where else can you go and make this money?? Especially in this economy! I had looked into getting a MAsters in education and become a teacher. Like teach science or something. Really don't want to teach nursing. Really don't want to work in a hospital and the thought of getting my ANP license doesn't make me feel like it once did. Has anyone been here?? I really hope I'm not alone. The nurses I have worked with I really think have done this to me. Backstabbing, lying, trying to take your position. I mean seriously why can't it be because you love people and want to help them trough some of the darkest days of their life???!!! For real..... Thanks for sticking with me.