Had a patient yesterday who was refusing to sign his consent for a pacemaker. His nurse called the cath lab (where I just happen to work) and asked if one of us could answer a few questions that he had.
Sweetest, older gentlemen, 75 yrs old, big ears, skinny legs sticking out of his green gown, from the hills (and I mean HILLS!) of Indiana, looking at me very suspiciously. He wanted to know why we were not putting him to sleep to put in his pacemaker. Of course, being the professional I am, I began to state the risks involved with general anesthesia, how the procedure was relatively painless, etc. etc. He listens to my speech, and then says, "I guess I just thought if you were going to take a man's heart out, he just might like to be asleep when ya did."
"Excuse me? Take your heart out?"
"Well, ain't that pacemaker thang goin' to take the place of my heart?"
Of course, after I explained to him that he would very much be keeping his very own heart, he was must more comfortable with just the local. He was a hoot! This is why I love rural nursing!
A friend of mine in ER had a woman one time with foul smelling discharge coming from the nether regions. When the ER doc removed what was probably at one time a tampon, the woman exclaimed, "Look! A bogina nugget!!!" Huh?
Does anybody else (and I know you do!) have any stories about wacky things patients believe or say that you could share?
(I hope I am not offending anyone. I am not making fun of my patients, just having fun with my patients!)