Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it.

[AngelfireRN]

Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight.

I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave.

Yelling and hurling obscenities at me will not get you your pain meds any sooner than they are ordered. Nor will having your family member or entourage do the same.

Threatening lawsuits and having umpteen family members camp out in the halls or hold up the nurse's station will not get you preferential treatment.

Physically grabbing me as I go down the hall is NOT a good idea.

I do not give the orders, but I do have to follow/enforce them. This is something that you should take up with your doctor.

No, I will not call him again to ask him for more pain medicine. He has been called twice and has said no both times.

No, I will not give you his number so you can "straighten him out".

No, you are not my only patient, and I highly doubt that you are single-handedly paying my salary. On the off chance that you are, let's talk about a raise.

NO, NO, NO, I most empahatically will NOT come get you when it is time for your next pain shot while you are having a smoke break. I also will not bring it to you in the smoking room. (Have actually said that, I am allergic to cigarettes. I did it once, had an asthma attack, desatted to 83, and turned blue, according to the patient and my charge nurse, after the patient had to help me back to the floor).

No, I don't really care if your family has not eaten all day, they drove here by themselves, they are not sick, and no, I will not call for 6 guest trays. (This of course, is if the patient in question does not need all 6 family members present, and is not at death's door).

No, you may not have 3 six-packs of soda from the kitchen, there are other people that would like a snack, too.

No, they will not open up the kitchen up just for you, at 1 in the morning, because you don't like the snacks we have on the floor.

I could think of hundreds, but those will do for a start. I know it sounds mean, but this is why I got out of bedside nursing. When a hospital becomes the Hilton, I'm gone!

Have fun!

[traumagirll99]

kmcnelly said:

and if you were this pt, would you like those hours? or better yet, if you were the family and your family member were in the hospital, would you want to only be able to see them from 2-4 or 7-9, on the days when you work from 3-10? I think it's great, albeit an incovinience, that the family is so supportive.

Here is one that I would like to tell all nursing students who think they know and understand so much more about a nurse then all of mean and hateful licensed and experienced nurses: until you have walked in my danskos, have a license to practice as a nurse, keep your judgemental comments to your self! I challenge you to come back and read this perfectly good venting thread and see if you feel so superior to the rest of us, tired and unappreciated real nurses!

[gentle]

Lazy private-duty people

You are being paid more than I or the CNA to take care of patient, (insert name). Even if he is here so are you, the private duty person. Please put him on the bedpan.

Yes, I would like to tell the family member paying you, that you are lazy. Please wipe his face and brush his teeth. You are the private duty person. If you are not needed by the patient, then go home. You are a pest.

For the love of Mama:

No, I cannot help mama get to the bathroom right this second. I need to get her a wheelchair first. No, she is not stable to use a walker without wheels, much less the hot rod wheeled walker you've brought in for her.

So, you are going to use the hot-rod walker after all; please do not look at me when mama kerplunks on the floor. Please stop screaming at mama to just "stand-up". That toilet seat is low, and mama moves kinda slow.

Please stop feeding mama McDonalds. She has been hospitalized for gastroenteritis. You remember, the vomiting and diarrhea stuff she had from the last fast-food trip you took her on.

[gingersdad]

Or how about "That's the way we've always done it", "that's what the bookk says"

[gentle]

To the family:

If you want to know where your Dad is then call his house. I am not the psychic hot-line. No, I don't know when he was discharged, again call the house. He is your DAD.

I don't care if you don't like to talk to your family members, that's your problem, not mine.

Please do not insult the other patient at the nursing station. Her "baby" looks like a professional football player and he will punch you. No, I will not try to protect you. You should have never called his mother a cow. I don't know that the security guard will want to help you either: he is smaller than you. He also has enough sense not to call anyone's mama a cow.

[gentle]

Why do you smell like kitty-litter every time you come to the hospital?

[gentle]

You have how many pets? In the house ??????? Do they all really live in the house??? Why!?

[gentle]

Dr. so and so, does not care that you have nice implants!!! Neither do I. I don't wish to hear anymore about your strange love life. I'm not your nurse lady. Save all that info for your nurse please.

[gentle]

It's okay that you don't like me. I am more than glad to trade assignments with a lovely nurse . . . named ... .

[gentle]

Grandma is in isolation for her head lice. Please, stop going in and out without the proper protective equipment. No, I do not wish to have a hug.

[flychick08]

kmcnelly said:

and if you were this pt, would you like those hours? or better yet, if you were the family and your family member were in the hospital, would you want to only be able to see them from 2-4 or 7-9, on the days when you work from 3-10? I think it's great, albeit an incovinience, that the family is so supportive.

OK....you obviously are NOT a nurse or you are one and have been in a coma for oh,say,25years. Supportive families help grandma eat her lunch tray, don't eat OFF the tray. Supportive families help her get on and off the bedpan and help clean her up, rather than chasing down a nurse for 20 minutes for the nurse to do it when they could have done the same thing in 5 minutes. Supportive families don't let grandma rot in a nursing home,uncared for and unvisited;and then all 42 of them (most of whom have more tatoos than teeth)rush to grandma's side when she's at the hospital for dehydration,UTI,scabies infection gone crazy,etc.etc. They LIKE being in the hospital b/c they think they're going to see something that they can go to BINGO and tell they're dim-witted friends about. Better yet....supportive families realize that irritating the nurse every 5 minutes IS NOT the road to better pt.care!!:angryfire

[flychick08]

So True!!!!

[athflvr]

Hydakins said:

Last night I had a nice elderly woman pt in bed one ask me to turn on the bright light because it was difficult to read her newspaper with the dimmer light. I turned it on and helped her to the BR. While waiting for her to finish, the 20 something female pt in bed 2 calls me and asks if I can turn off the light "over there". At the same time, her boyfriend is climbing into the bed (a tad smaller than a twin size) with her (with his coat and shoes on-talk about dirty)! I wanted to tell him them that this is not the Waldorf-Astoria or the Ramada. They ordered pizzas and were watching tv and doing who knows what else. SHES SICK STUPID! Take your dirty *** off of the bed, go buy some flowers or a get well gift like a real man, let her eat the salad that was ordered for her, and say good night since visiting hrs ended 2 hrs ago. Your visit is pointless!

That's too funny! Why do people think that stuff is OK in the hospital. I work in a Catholic hospital - I'd love to tell them "You know I'm not catholic but this is a catholic hospital and I'm pretty sure that "Big Jesus" downstairs in the lobby is frowning on that - you're probably going to hell for sure for that one you idiot.