Not sure if my new job is the right fit

[abbyemmons]

I'm an Cardiothoracic ICU nurse with a little over two and a half years experience in the field (I took a CVICU job directly out of nursing school). I spent my first two years at a fabulous university hospital in Virginia. I had a great orientation, and I felt that I was really good at what I did there. I always got great reviews, I was looked upon for advice by other staff, took really critical patients, and even precepted new nurses occasionally. And more importantly, I felt very supported by the people on my unit, we were like a work family. In June of this past year, my boyfriend was really pushing for me to move in with him (he has a house two hours away from where I was working). So a bit begrudgingly, I started looking for new jobs and took another CVICU position in a large hospital right outside of Washington D.C. Fast forward to now, I am absolutely miserable. I drive over an hour to work every day and traffic is awful. The doctors on my unit are complete jerks and are very condescending. They've actually cause a lot of newer staff members to quit. The unit is very short staffed and I feel as though I can never get any help from anybody when I need it. I am constantly getting screwed over with the schedule and can never find anyone to switch days with me. I feel frustrated and anxious all the time, at work and at home. I've also become depressed. My boyfriend doesn't seem to understand and says he wishes I was happier here. I've been here for almost four months, and I can't say that I've had a single good day at work this entire time. Even before I took this job I'd been thinking about moving home to Vermont where my family is and taking a job up there. I have a much better support system there. Am I just being completely irrational? Should I give this new job more time? I don't want to quit and look like a job hopper, therefore I was thinking about staying for a year. But I just really hate it here. I feel as though I may have been spoiled at my first job with such a great team and great dynamic. Any advice, personal experiences, and/or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated!!!

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

I can certainly understand how the DC traffic could be a major stressor! Perhaps moving in with your boyfriend is also part of the stress. Only you will know that one for sure. I remember when I moved to Boston, I hated my job and the people. But I was also very angry at my husband, who I'd followed to Boston for his job. He was cheating on me, and I was miserable. I was completely unaware of how I was taking out my anger at him on the people I worked with. Once a wonderful friend pointed that out to me and I went to work on my own issues, I became a nicer person at work and suddenly people were willing to help me out when I needed it and weren't as apt to shaft me on the schedule. They liked me because I was more likable. I'm throwing it out there not knowing you or your boyfriend or whether that pertains at all.

Four months isn't really long enough to develop good workplace relationships, although it is certainly long enough to have developed bad ones. Most ICUs are staffed so that you work with different people daily -- rotating shifts, weekends and holidays mean that you may not work with the people you really like as often as you want to, but the people you don't like seem to show up every day! I'd say give it some more time, and concentrate on those workplace relationships.

But if the situation doesn't work out for you at all after 6-8 months, start looking for another job in Vermont or even your old job in Virginia. You don't sound as though you were thrilled and excited to make the move for your boyfriend, so perhaps you'd be happier back in Virginia.

[Workitinurfava, BSN, RN]

Can you go back to your old job? I am not sure I would change jobs due to a boyfriend unless we were on the verge of marrying. I left my job in DC to work close to home. I hated the new job so I left and got a job doing something I like down south. It is farther from home but I like it. I am in school as well and everything fits.

[BlondieMSNRN]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds like you had a wonderful gig at your old place. If the job and the relationship aren't working right now, perhaps it is time to go back and try it again later. There's no shame in going back. I left a job I loved once for a guy, and man, did I miss that nursing job.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

Can you go back to your old job? I am not sure I would change jobs due to a boyfriend unless we were on the verge of marrying. I left my job in DC to work close to home. I hated the new job so I left and got a job doing something I like down south. It is farther from home but I like it. I am in school as well and everything fits.

Sometimes you cannot know if marrying is the right move unless you spend some time living in the same city. It's a risky move, but sometimes you don't know for sure without one or the other of you making the move. It seems as though the nurse in the relationship would have an easier time finding another job, so they're the one to move.