Not Loving Being a Nurse

[BuckyBadgerRN]

I feel like a failure. I busted my hump to attend nursing school at night and on weekends for 4+ years while I continued to work full time at a job I loved. Graduated, passed the NCLEX on the first try, life is golden, right?

I hung onto my previous job for 18 months after getting my license. Waited 9 months until I got my first RN position. I did PDN for a little one and it was so mentally taxing, being alone for all those hours while he slept and no adult interaction. I left that position after about 18 months and took my current one in a rehab facility. I love that I'm getting to use my skills and get to actually TALK to people 12 hours every shift, BUT, I feel like I'm constantly second-guessing myself on everything I do. It doesn't help that some day shift nurses like to second-guess, arm-chair quarterback what I do as well. Management is very cliquey and I am too old to play those games. Honestly, I come home every morning I work thinking "what did I miss, what did I forget to tell in shift report, who didn't I call in the middle of the night to update on something?" It's far too stressful for me. I KNOW being a nurse is stressful, but I hate bringing it home with me every single day.

So now I'm thinking that its not the jobs, it's nursing that I don't like. I haven't even told my husband how I feel (not that he'd EVER judge me, but I just feel like I'd be letting him down.) I am applying like crazy to get out of hands on nursing, please wish me luck that something comes my way quickly! I'm hoping that the glut of nurses are looking for hands-on positions and the options will be a little more open for someone like me who's thinking the exact opposite!

[BuckyBadgerRN, ASN, RN]

Thank you kmclark---I appreciate your words!!

[BuckyBadgerRN, ASN, RN]

Fair question!! I did EMS for 20 years while working my previous career and it seemed like a natural progression. I knew I would not be advancing further in what I was doing without additional education and the next step wasn't appealing to me anyway. I have several friends who followed a similar progression and thought it seemed like a good idea for me too =)

why did you go to nursing school if you loved the job you had before? not asking in a critical way, just curious.

if you want to keep doing nursing, everyone else in this topic has great practical suggestions for how to cope with the stress. if nursing isn't for you, it's ok to make a change and do something else!

[BuckyBadgerRN, ASN, RN]

Actually the insurance end of nursing appeals to me a lot! I've been exploring that option a little bit, it would have to be a 99% telecommuting position relative to where I live though---do you think those exist? That would be awesome!

I can certainly see myself being an extremely apprehensive nurse... I tend tonget nervous when I'm responsible for other peoples well-being

But there are many many areas in nursing that doesn't require a nurse to be in the situation you describe:

Legal nursing

Working for insurance companies

Working in a school as a school nurse

Working in a doctors office

These are just some examples

Good luck!

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[Geslina, BSN, RN]

Hey, I don't care much for nursing myself. I love the patients - most of them, I suppose - but really, who has the time for them? Too much to do, not much time for all the nice things that nursing could be. I hit the ground running at the start of my shift, and still have trouble getting it all done. I don't even take a dinner break. There is no time. I am lucky if I get a chance to pee. I take care of 29 patients, more than half with dementia/Alzheimer's, the majority are fall risks, many with MAJOR behavioral issues. Many nursing homes today are trying to do more and more in way of treating patients in house, instead of sending them to the hospital, so I have IV meds and other such time consuming more "sub acute" nursing work to do, I don't just hand out Namenda and Metoprolol. I too go home and worry about what I might have missed or did not do....but I have friends who work in other areas of nursing and they too feel as if they are expected to do more and more in less time with very little help. When I think of getting into another area of nursing, I call one of them up and let them ***** for a while, usually changes my mind.

it does make me feel good to know that many of those I take care of truly love me, but though I hate to say it, the best reward is that big fat paycheck every two weeks. Sad, but it's the truth. I feel grateful to even have a job, cause in know there are a lot of nurses out there who don't. And really, the grass always looks greener somewhere else.

[iPink, BSN, RN]

Are you sure it's nursing or is it maybe where you work? Not everywhere is a bed of roses, but I agree nursing is tough. I learned that the hard way when I stepped into the real nursing world when I landed my first new grad job. Although the experience was priceless, I found myself questioning if I made the right choice changing my career to nursing. I was stressed going into work and leaving and I was being effected emotionally. I wanted to quit bedside altogether, until a few wonderful nurses on my unit gave me a pep talk. I'll never forget one who assured me that as a new nurse I was being molded, which meant I was going through the fire. She was right, I was feeling the burn but it didn't kill me. I've since then moved on to a unit/specialty that I love and has given me a renewed look into what I want to do with my nursing career in the future.

Your back has to be broad and strong in this profession. The patient who is his own POA has rights and as his nurse, you were being respectful in following through with his wishes. You also have to give yourself some time to build up your experiences and knowledge-base before you stop second-guessing. Even the most experienced nurses will get a second or third opinion if she/he is faced with a challenge.

You should pursue what makes you happy and with that I wish you all the best. We are in a profession that provides a plethora of opportunities. You just may have to aggressively pursue that path. You shouldn't think you are disappointing your husband because "beside" is not the only area that qualifies you as being a nurse.

[BuckyBadgerRN, ASN, RN]

ipink, what you say is exactly what I'm thinking in the back of my mind--is it the profession or the position? Since I've done two different types of nursing "specialties", of course my head jumps to that its me and the career.

I still get irritated about the whole not notifiying the POA instance. The family dynamics there are lacking sorely (resident was transferred to hospital, unrelated to initial issue, son came to visit, wondered where he was. Four days into the hospital stay and none of the other family members had told him!)

Thank you for such kind words, they and all of the other responses mean a lot!!

[WanderingSagehen]

I feel your pain. I too spent 5 years to be a nurse and I love some aspects but the learning curve is steep and painful. My husband is tired of hearing how hard I work and no lunch, no breaks. Those mental trips when you go home get better (actually go away). I am only done with my 2nd year of nursing. I am hoping it will grow on me but all I have now are a few moments here and there of awesome nursing and the rest is a lot of pain in the orifice, hoop jumping to comply with facility reimbursement.