Nonsupportive Friend

[jonorato]

I'm a new grad nurse on a BUSY Cardiothoracic Step-down unit. My 4th week of my 8 wk orientation I started falling apart d/t stress. I had to take an EKG rhythm interpretation class over 8 hrs (self taught on the computer) on a Friday, worked a 12 Saturday (it was a rough one where I was running all day), had Sunday off to study, and then had to take my EKG test on Monday. I did not feel prepared at all. I only learned sinus rhythms, afib, a flutter, VT, and Vfib in school. There was a lot of material to cover. I didn't miss any of my lethal rhythms on the exam, but I missed 1 Q too many...so I failed. Which is fine. I just need to remediate and meet with my CNE in 2 wks to confirm that I do know the material. So now I have plenty of time to study.

But after I saw the "fail" on the screen pop up, I just broke down. I sobbed in my CNE's office for 40 mins. She was very supportive. We identified that I was actually about 1 - 2 wks farther along in my orientation skill wise (I came to the floor with a lot of experience). We identified my main points of stress are the classic "time management" and learning how to delegate so I can start concentrating on POC. She pointed out that I was taking on too much and needed to learn how to delegate more. She literally told me to start telling my preceptors, "I'm competent on (w/e skill), could you do it so I can focus on (w/e)." I did not know I could do that! We also identified that my stress comes from me not being able to sit down for 3-5 mins with my preceptor after my first assessment/med pass/dressing change and saying, "OK, this pt had (procedure) done (quick review of what procedure is). This is what we would 'expect' for this type of pt on POD 'x' to look like. This is where they are now. These are our goals today for them. These are 4 possible complications for them...review S/S." I'm pushing for that now. I learned to open my mouth and verbalize that to my preceptors.

But when I came home after meeting with my CNE I was still experiencing residual crocodile tears (i had really worked myself up over the past few days). I think I was just tired and PMSing super hard. I called my step-mom/mentor/hero (a CTICU nurse) and broke down again over the phone. After I hung up the phone, my roommate (friend for the past 5-6 yrs) came out of his room and said, "Hey, if you're going to have a phone conversation like that, can you close your door next time? You were so loud I had to turn my show off b/c I couldn't hear the TV over you." I'm literally sitting on the edge of my bed wiping away the last of my tears as he says this to me. I was shocked. I couldn't say anything b/c nothing nice was going to come out of my mouth. Instead I just said, "i'm sorry."

This kid just doesn't get it. I want to tell him how much he hurt me and how callus his comment was. But I don't think he even remotely gets what I am doing. Sure he sees that I'm gone for 14 hrs a day...but he doesn't SEE what I do at work. He doesn't know how big my bladder has gotten over the past 4 wks. How I don't sit down for more than 30 mins over 12 hrs. How I give a part of myself to my patients. I don't think I could ever explain that to him either. It's the first time in my life where a friend has not been supportive/understanding of what I am doing.

My lease is up in Aug. and I will NOT be living with him anymore. I watch his dog, do his dishes, clean our house, mow our lawn, emotionally support him as he goes to school to get his chemical engineering degree and this is his response?! I just don't get it. What planet are you on?! Part of me really wants to let him have it. Please, tell me again how your 8 hr study group with bathroom/snack breaks whenever you want was so grueling! Please, tell me again how "behind" you are in your school work and then go and take a 6 hr nap or binge watch netflix (nervously i'm sure) for the next 10 hrs. Then get up and tell me tell me how "sleep deprived" you are. I ask again, what F-ing planet are you on and do you need me to send a whaambulance there to pick you up?

Ok. Rant over. *mic drop*

- Nurses take care of the sick. Family and friends take care of nurses.

[vanilla bean]

Sorry, jonorato. I hope it feels a little better to have gotten that off your chest. Best wishes.

[jonorato]

i do. i think i just needed to put it out into the echo chamber of the internet. ty

[brandy1017, ASN, RN]

I think you are overreacting. It is hard for someone who has not worked as a nurse to have any idea of the stress we are under and what we can go thru in a day. Thankfully you have your stepmom who does understand and can listen, commiserate and encourage you, not everyone has a family member that gets it. Fortunately we usually have fellow coworkers as friends that do understand.

Don't make a snap decision about ditching your roommate over this one situation. But you seem to have a list of reasons why you want to end this arrangement.

[EmRN14]

That's really too bad. Unfortunately unless your friends are nurses, they have a difficult time understanding the stress that comes from nursing. My husband has a hard time understanding why I am stressed out. But I wish he could come to work with me for a day and see how difficult it can be. I too have called my nursing supporters when I am feeling down. They are the best people you can rely on. Sorry this happened to you. I would definitely move out as soon as you can. I am sure you will be happier.

[BellionRN]

Was he not capable of shutting your door himself? Or is that too hard, along with basic household chores...

Anyway, people don't get it. Don't expect them to. & if doing all that extra stuff around the house bugs you, don't do it. He sounds like a big boy... he can probably manage.