Noah's Ark...

[wildcard]

The Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In six months I am going to

make it rain until the whole world is covered with water and all the

evil things are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people and

two of every living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build an

ark." And in a flash of lightning, he delivered the specifications for

the ark. "Okay," Noah said, trembling with fear and fumbling with

the blueprints, "I'm your man."

Six months passed, the sky began to cloud up, and the rain began

to fall in torrents. The Lord looked down and saw Noah sitting in his

yard weeping, but there was no ark.

"Noah!" shouted the Lord, "Where is my ark?" A lightning bolt

crashed into the ground right beside Noah.

"Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best, but there

were some big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the

ark's construction, but Your plans did not meet their code. So, I had

to hire an engineer to redo the plans, only to get into a long

argument with him about whether to include a sprinkler system.

My neighbors objected, claiming that I was violating zoning

ordinances by building the ark in my front yard, so I had to get a

variance from the city planning board.

Then, I had a big problem getting enough wood for the ark, because

there was a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl. I tried to

convince the environmentalists and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife

Service that I needed the wood to save the owls, but they wouldn't

let me catch them, so no owls.

Next, I started gathering up the animals but got sued by an animal

rights group that objected to me taking along only two of each kind.

Just when the suit got dismissed, the EPA notified me that I

couldn't complete the ark without filling out an environmental impact

statement on Your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the

idea that they had no jurisdiction over the Supreme Being. Then, the

Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed flood plan. I sent

them a globe!

Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal

Opportunities Commission over how many minorities I'm supposed

to hire. The IRS has seized all my assets claiming that I am trying

to leave the country, and I just got a notice from the state that I owe

some kind of use tax. Really, I don't think I can finish the ark in less

than five years."

With that, the sky cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow

arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you

are not going to destroy the world?" he asked hopefully.

"No," said the Lord. "The government already has."

[Danamegg]

Originally posted by wildcard

"The government already has."

That's for sure!! :rotfl:

[FutureRN~Pookie]

LOL, cute wildcard!

Kacy

P.S. How are you doing? Have you been getting my PM's? :)

[perkines212]

Too true and funny too.

[Brownms46]

That was a good one! I bet Noah is thanking God probably right now, that he wasn't trying to build the ark in this day and age!:chuckle