No longer in my heart/Going back

[NTechTruth]

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

That's what my boss told me during an job interview for a CNA position in 2012. It was my first job, my first real job at a hospital, in a rehab unit.

This was my first post-https://allnurses.com/cna-ma-nursing/the-truth-of-856685.html

I laugh at it now because I was arrogant and stupid.

Past two years there working days and nights, I left because I wanted to go back to school, and I didn't like it. So I left in 2014.

School didn't work out, so I had no choice but to go back to the floor. The boss asked me at the time if I wanted to really be there. Honestly, now I can say that I wanted to try somewhere else different, but sometimes in life, you have no choice but to do what you have to do.

So, I went back in 2015, night shift, same thing, and after a few months, I wanted to try something different. During the day time, There was Therapy, and there was a job I wanted to try out, Therapy Aide. I asked my boss about it and she said she had no positions at first, so then I asked her if I could work there one day a week, on Fridays, and she let me.

It was a good job. The hours were good, and I got paid from my cna salary, which was a blessing. I got extra money just to work on Fridays.

A year goes by, and I wait for a position and I finally got it. I wanted full time, but someone else needed it because of the benefits, and I couldn't say no to that.

There was some time to wait, but I got the job.

I even talked about it on here about leaving on one of my posts. At the time, I wanted to try the job.

I was thinking about a career in therapy, but inside, that wasn't the case. That was like a cover story, in all honesty, because I wanted to leave the other job and go to school. It had nothing to do with being a Therapist.

First year, it wasn't bad. Sure, the money didn't pay well but I thought the job was "due-able." Sometimes my boss would ask how the job was, and I would say it was great. That was not true. It was good, because that's how I felt about it. I wasn't jumping up and down for joy, it was just another job.

I had good days, and I had bad days. Overall, it was just good.

Now it's been over two years. Same thing, hours, money, boss, etc.

I don't feel Rehab is in my heart anymore.

The unit I have been in almost 5 years, I don't want to be there anymore.

I have been thinking about it the day when the boss scolded at me and a coworker for doing something wrong. In fact, she scolds a lot.

Since the time I started being a Therapy aide, the number one thing that I had to and still have to deal with is not enough hours.

Usually I would work 6 or 7 hours, and would have to leave early because my boss said so. Or, if the ratio is low, I would have to leave at 12, 1, or 2. In rare cases, I would have to leave at 11, or 11:30. The times my coworker wants a day off, I usually take her space, and would work a whole day, but that really didn't make a difference. She would get paid more than me.

I would do more since the coworker can't do much.

I tried looking for another job, but it just didn't work out for me. And I didn't want to work two jobs.

When it got to the point where I needed more hours, I had an idea.

One time I asked the boss if I could work on another therapy unit at the hospital, because I wasn't making a lot of money and needed more hours. My coworker worked there for a year because she had to leave for family issues. They let her work there at the unit, so I figured I'd give it a shot.

So, my boss calls the other boss, not in her office but out of the open on the unit for everyone to hear. When she hung up, she said they couldn't do it because of their "budget".

Since I am PRN, I get paid less, and I was ok with it before, until I turned 26, and realized how badly I have been treated on the unit.

Not just as a Therapy Aide, but a CNA as well.

Since I am a male, I work really hard, and I do go over and above, but it doesn't mean much to anyone, as I seen. Yeah, i get thank yous, a few recongtions, and I even got a candy bar. I work too hard for too little.

In nursing, I went over and above, and it meant little to anyone. Other people got praises while I got nothing. Patients who give out praises did not give me anything, despise me working so hard and giving them the best care. I feel that most people don't care if you work hard, and that's a problem.

I've been told a few times in nursing and therapy that I should get a raise, since I do a great job, but I don't. All I get is barked orders from my bosses, even stupid orders, and orders where they over react. I just nod my head and do it.

I don't expect to get praised much in health care, since I am a male. On my unit, I do too much and still do, and it doesn't mean anything. But to those who do something, they get praised for sometimes the same thing that I do. I am a person who doesn't like to say no.

I feel at this point, Rehab is all about numbers, and not the real purpose. They just about bring in anyone, and they don't seem to care if they are patients who shouldn't be there, patients who doesn't want to do therapy, or patients who can't move and always have to use a device to get out of bed, and never take a step. I do question why they are there so many times, but it doesn't matter. Because those patients don't get the help they need, and they are just taking their money and wasting their time.

I feel I wasted enough time there, and it's time for me to go. I did make that choice leaving nursing, and I paid for it. I don't regret it, but now I feel it's time to go and move on.

I used to show up early to set up, but not anymore. Now I clock in, and eat breakfast for a few minutes before going there. And I have never done that.

I do plan on going back to being a cna, because right now, I have no choice. I am getting a car soon, and I have no health insurance. I am holding on by the grace of God that I don't get seriously injured until then.

Oh, and I don't plan on going back to being a cna on the unit. Even their pay is bad, and they honestly don't pay me enough anymore. I am looking to go into float pool, because I have lots of experience in it, and they pay well too.

I usually don't think about the money, but at the end of the day, it's about the money. At first, I didn't know I was being cheated on working 8 dollars an hour. When I did come back, I got paid 13 an hour, but I feel that's not enough for me. I feel I am too much of a hard worker who gives everything to take care of the patient. Even heading on 33 patients, or a whole unit without breaking down, that's giving 100% percent.

I used to complain about cooperates in the past, supervisors, managers, and even the ceos. But at the end of the day, no one gives a ****. It's all about budgets and bonuses. It's all about buying ****** equipment and not buying new ones for the unit. It's about taking money from the budget and spending it on themselves instead of doing what's right. It's about them looking out for themselves instead of what's important. It's about talking about changes and buy expensive things to make town halls and meetings flashy, but missing the point altogether.

I don't care anymore. If I do go back, and if things are the same, which it is, I will do what I can and go home. I will be like one of those workers who will look out for myself and the patients. If I do a good job, great. If not, great. I did what I could, I go home, and I still get paid. It's about money, right? I didn't used to think so, but now it is. If I don't get things done, or if I fall behind, I will just sing a happy tune in my head and deal with it. I can't cry over every little thing. Most people get used to it now.

If I get a whole floor, I will do what I can. I won't complain, and if people complain to me, I will just shrug and move past it. I am a human, and not perfect. At the end of the day, we have to survive and do things we don't want to do.

Throughout the past 5 years, I feel I did grow up a lot. I guess this is what being an adult is.

I don't know what to do with my life. Being a CNA is all I have and know at this point. I don't have an interest in nursing, but I have enough experience in the field. At this point for now, I have no choice but to continue it.

As for school, I am not a smart person, and I have trouble with doing lots of classes. School at this point is on hold.

There's my answer. This is where I am now.

[OpinionatedCNA, CNA]

It sounds like you should be using your current experience to apply to as many jobs as you can that are not in healthcare. Either that or something that involves less "direct patient care." I understand how you feel, I would do the same if I was in your situation, personally I have never intended to stay a CNA more than a couple years and I'm getting my **** together to get out ASAP. We get paid **** for basically doing all the hard work in a rehab center/ nursing home, almost always understaffed, always underpaid. The job is just not worth it unless you have literally no other prospects, and even then working at mcdonalds is a lot more tempting than working as a CNA.

Whatever full-time positions your boss is teasing you with isn't happening. What you should be doing is applying elsewhere, and then 1) ask if your current boss will match what they're offering you or 2) move on. Don't keep hoping they're going to give you full time hours because if they're teasing you like that, they have no intention of it because they're cheap ******* who have 10 other unreliable part-time employees just so they don't have to pay for one person's benefits.

CNA is a great job for students and people who are desperate for a pay check and that's about it. That being said it's probably one of the few very stable (meaning there will always be hours for you) jobs in healthcare requiring minimal education, just something for you to consider seeing as school didn't work out for you. But I'm pretty sure there are other normal office jobs you can get with little education they're probably harder to get.

[Julius Seizure]

You sound really burnt out and disillusioned with healthcare, and I'm sorry to hear that.

I read your whole post, and was wondering if you could clarify this part:

I don't expect to get praised much in health care, since I am a male. On my unit, I do too much and still do, and it doesn't mean anything. But to those who do something, they get praised for sometimes the same thing that I do. I am a person who doesn't like to say no.

Do you mean that you don't expect praise because in healthcare, males don't get much praise?

Or that because you are a male, you tend not to expect praise in general?

[NTechTruth]

Males not being apprenticed enough in healthcare. I am one of the only males who works at the unit and who works harder than an average CNA. I don't know much about males not being praised, but me in general whatever I do doesn't really matter to anyone. And I can understand that, being the fact that we all have different jobs to do and that we don't have time to think about that. It does get annoying sometimes when females who can barely lift a 35 pound weight have to ask me for help all the time, and they are mostly therapists or nurses. But I still do it because they are at greater risk of breaking their bones. They get paid more than me, and I do all the grunt work and it doesn't matter at all. Hopefully soon I find a better job and a better unit.