NICU/Neonatal Nurses: Please Help Me

Published

Specializes in Passion: NICU, Nursery, L&D = (Babies!!).

I am wondering if any nurse that works in the NICU has or has had these feelings I have about the premature babies that need to be cared for. I am a mother myself of a 12 week early baby-who is now 5 years old and healthy, and I honestly feel that God presented me with the passion to want to work with these babies. Tonight I watched one of the "Hopkins" episodes and a baby born 10 weeks early was unable to sustain life on his own and passed away. My heart is just so deeply involved with these babies, and when it comes to these precious lives I feel attached-emotionally. I am currently a LPN and will have my RN next year (currently in school). The reason I even got into nursing was because of my premature son. Again, I felt as if it were a "calling" per say. I just need some reassurance, I see these precious delicate lives that are unable to stay with us here on earth, which is about the time I need to remember and convince myself that they will go to a better place (which I'm sure is when a strong understanding relationship with God really is needed). Does it get better? Do these emotions subside? I wouldn't have even gotten into nursing if it weren't for those babies (and my own son, with his circumstance), but I want to hear from you nurses that are familiar with what I am saying, and understand what I am trying to put into words-yet having difficulty doing so. Please relieve me in some way, reassure me, give me your input, your advice, thank you, it will mean the world to me. I should also mention that babies are what I want to work with/around. My heart knows I want to be around babies/neonates-even these premature/sick babies-my passion is very strong. But then I see things like what I saw tonight and it kills me.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Neonatal ICU (Cardiothoracic).

Many of us have an emotional connection to our little patients in NICU. Many NICU RNs here are former NICU moms that felt a call to work in the units that cared for their children. It takes a lot of heart to deal with the ups and downs of NICU, but it sounds like you have both the heart and the drive to do it. With your experience as a NICU mom, you can be a great help to other moms...

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Level III NICU.

Sometimes it's impossible to NOT get attached. I can't tell you that it gets easier, because it is never easy to lose a baby. I can tell you that there are many feelings that you will feel about it. Sad, angry, relieved, something. I was told when I first started was that the day you don't feel anything when you lose a baby is the day that you need to find a different job.

Like Steve said, it sounds like you have the heart to do it, and that's just from a nursing standpoint. You have the experience as a NICU mom, and I think that the parents will really appreciate that. I work with a girl that had triplets on our unit (she made it to 34 weeks!) and she is a great resource to our multiples moms. She was already a great nurse before the babies, and then having NICU experience as a mom just added to it.

Good luck finishing out school, and hope to see you posting here as an RN next year!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Passion: NICU, Nursery, L&D = (Babies!!).

Steve:

Thank you, I definitely DO have the passion! I told myself the same thing after my son was born and I realized it was my calling to become a nurse and offer the same love those nurses showed my son. We have seen first hand as parents of preemies so many things other parents see and feel-therefore we can relate to them. Remembering this motivates me even more-thank you.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in NICU, Infection Control.

I understand what you're saying. It helps to understand the pathophysiology involved--WHY are they so ill/why did they die. You will have attachments, but you can't let them get in the way when you're caring for patients. You have to focus on what you need to do, what you need to report to the docs, explain to parents, etc. And when a baby dies, you have to support the family.

I saw the episode you're talking about--that baby had severe hydrops fetalis, that's why they couldn't save him.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydrops_fetalis

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Passion: NICU, Nursery, L&D = (Babies!!).

prmenrs,

It's so great that you gave me the information on that little baby they showed on Hopkins! I was just telling myself last night that I would do research on what that baby had to learn more about it! Bless you for getting that info for me!! Thank you!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Pediatric Psychiatry, Home Health VNA.

Your response makes me wonder if maybe I have the wrong type of personality for the NICU. I watched the same episode and was fascinated by the effort made as well as the process of finding out if his condition was compatible with life, and of course I said "poor little guy" but I didn't feel like a stake was driven to my heart nor did I cry. I would have loved to have been in that learning moment there at Hopkins. I am starting to wonder if my lack of emotion and attachment would be a barrier to working in the NICU. I'm outwardly empathetic and compassionate to patients and families, but very few things really strike grief in me. Is this normal?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Your response makes me wonder if maybe I have the wrong type of personality for the NICU. I watched the same episode and was fascinated by the effort made as well as the process of finding out if his condition was compatible with life, and of course I said "poor little guy" but I didn't feel like a stake was driven to my heart nor did I cry. I would have loved to have been in that learning moment there at Hopkins. I am starting to wonder if my lack of emotion and attachment would be a barrier to working in the NICU. I'm outwardly empathetic and compassionate to patients and families, but very few things really strike grief in me. Is this normal?

Look, just as there are all different types of people and different types of nurses, I'm sure that there are different types of NICU nurses. Just because you didn't have as strong an emotional response as the OP does not mean that you are not right for the NICU. I have to say that at times I've felt an emotional tug when I see sad turnouts such as this, but there are also times when I'm just fascinated with the medical stuff.

Also, remember grief strikes in different ways and it doesn't have to be an outward expression. It might be something that you are able to temper until you have time to work through it.

So, keep going! You'll be a great NICU nurse!

Kris

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I think every NICU nurse finds their own way to deal with the emotions, and I think the nurses who do NICU for years certainly feel it is a calling. I have always been very good at seperating work from the rest of my life; if I didn't the constant emotional drain of bedside nursing would have been too much for me to handle and the other parts of my life would have suffered. Also, for me, if I am so emotionally involved with a patient and their family, I lose some of the objectivity I think is needed to provide the best nursing care possible, imho. I learned early in my career to leave work at work. When I watch those baby stories on TLC, I view them from a purely clinical perspective, never an emotional one. That is not to say I am not compassionate to my patients and the family, and that I don't care for them with a loving heart while I am at work, but when I leave work I don't think about the place or patients again until I clock in for my next shift.

And I hate to say it, but for me, after several years of working NICU when the babies have gotten smaller and smaller, outcomes have not been so great, or we have had preemies go home only to come back in to PICU after being abused by parents, I honestly have become less emotional. I don't think that makes me a less of a nurse, it just keeps me grounded in the reality that we can't save them all. Yes, bad outcomes are sad, but as I have gained more experience and seen more outcomes, I have realized that death is not always the worst thing that can happen. If every sad case that came through our NICU made me an emotional wreck I would not be able to do the job that I have to do day after day. Of course I still feel the emotions, just not at the level I once did.

Some nurses decide they can't work NICU because they can't get a handle on how to cope with the bad stuff. I have known several nurses who have come to NICU, stayed a couple of weeks and transferred to well newborn nursery or labor and delivery (usually after going to their first 24-25 week delivery).

NICU nursing is not for everyone, but chances are if you feel a strong pull toward that area of practice you will be fine. Just don't glamorize that you are going to be the saviour of all these parents and kids and that every shift you will have beautiful meaningful interactions with your patient and the family. Some families have so many issues you just wouldn't want to touch with a 10 foot pole! Some of them have such poor coping skills and don't want your love and attention! In my unit nurses have had things thrown at them, death treats made, etc. due to the extreme stress parents are under when faced with a dying baby or bad outcomes. I am afraid that if you have unrealistic expectations of what the job is like you will set yourself up for a quick burnout. Most families are great, but the stress can bring out the worst in all the parents and other family members.

NICU nursing is one of the areas that you have to balance the good with the bad. I think for most people who consider NICU to be 'home' for their nursing career, the good definately outweighs the bad. NICU can often be bittersweet, more so than other areas of practice. The only way to find out if it is for you is to give it a whirl!! :nurse:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Passion: NICU, Nursery, L&D = (Babies!!).

NurseAmy:

Thank you so much for your insight and advice. Some of what you mentioned really opened my eyes. I know that no matter what, I want to work around babies. Maybe working in well-baby and moving into NICU. We will definitely see, I was only in my son's NICU for 74 days, but it was long enough to decide that I wanted to work in that field for the rest of my life. Everytime I set foot near or in a NICU I'm overcome with a yearning to want to be there, it's definitely a love and passion, what else could explain it? Thank you again, you were enlightening :redbeathe:wink2:

I think every NICU nurse finds their own way to deal with the emotions, and I think the nurses who do NICU for years certainly feel it is a calling. I have always been very good at seperating work from the rest of my life; if I didn't the constant emotional drain of bedside nursing would have been too much for me to handle and the other parts of my life would have suffered. Also, for me, if I am so emotionally involved with a patient and their family, I lose some of the objectivity I think is needed to provide the best nursing care possible, imho. I learned early in my career to leave work at work. When I watch those baby stories on TLC, I view them from a purely clinical perspective, never an emotional one. That is not to say I am not compassionate to my patients and the family, and that I don't care for them with a loving heart while I am at work, but when I leave work I don't think about the place or patients again until I clock in for my next shift.

And I hate to say it, but for me, after several years of working NICU when the babies have gotten smaller and smaller, outcomes have not been so great, or we have had preemies go home only to come back in to PICU after being abused by parents, I honestly have become less emotional. I don't think that makes me a less of a nurse, it just keeps me grounded in the reality that we can't save them all. Yes, bad outcomes are sad, but as I have gained more experience and seen more outcomes, I have realized that death is not always the worst thing that can happen. If every sad case that came through our NICU made me an emotional wreck I would not be able to do the job that I have to do day after day. Of course I still feel the emotions, just not at the level I once did.

Some nurses decide they can't work NICU because they can't get a handle on how to cope with the bad stuff. I have known several nurses who have come to NICU, stayed a couple of weeks and transferred to well newborn nursery or labor and delivery (usually after going to their first 24-25 week delivery).

NICU nursing is not for everyone, but chances are if you feel a strong pull toward that area of practice you will be fine. Just don't glamorize that you are going to be the saviour of all these parents and kids and that every shift you will have beautiful meaningful interactions with your patient and the family. Some families have so many issues you just wouldn't want to touch with a 10 foot pole! Some of them have such poor coping skills and don't want your love and attention! In my unit nurses have had things thrown at them, death treats made, etc. due to the extreme stress parents are under when faced with a dying baby or bad outcomes. I am afraid that if you have unrealistic expectations of what the job is like you will set yourself up for a quick burnout. Most families are great, but the stress can bring out the worst in all the parents and other family members.

NICU nursing is one of the areas that you have to balance the good with the bad. I think for most people who consider NICU to be 'home' for their nursing career, the good definately outweighs the bad. NICU can often be bittersweet, more so than other areas of practice. The only way to find out if it is for you is to give it a whirl!! :nurse:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Pediatric Psychiatry, Home Health VNA.

Amy your post tells me I'm doing the right thing. I've been doing a lot of research about NICU nursing while I job hunt and so many new graduates who enter neonatal intensive care nursing do so because they love babies and while I do love babies that is not my driving force. Some of their reasons made me feel like I was cold and want to work in the NICU for the wrong reasons. I know 100% I cannot save every single sick baby, and I know sometimes it's better to just let nature take its course, and that part of this job is showing the parents WHY...why their baby will never be "normal," why their condition is incompatible with life. I want to hold the hands of those parents and be strong for them, and I want to make sure no baby on my shift has to die alone. I also want to see tiny miracles come life and visit me as a happy, healthy toddler. There are so many reasons I want to work in the NICU, I really can't explain them all. I just know it's where I'm meant to be.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion