New LPN

Hello!

I'm in need of some words of encouragement...

I am a graduate of 4 months now and I started my first job about a month ago in a nursing home. I definitely underestimated what the nursing home would be like. The patient load/paperwork OVERWHELMED me! I was given 4 days of orientation and then I was on my own. I was expected to do a hall and half of another. ((Even though I was hired on to be responsible for 1 hall...so I was told)) I was so behind on my med passes! I would have to stay an hour or even 2 after work just to get my paperwork and charting done. The facility was understaffed, so I felt pressure to be faster and it just made my anxiety so bad. It's like I could not get organized enough or something! Between having to do my med passes, treatments, tending to important needs with residents, my CNA's coming up to my med cart telling me that "Mrs. so and so needs this and Mr. so and so wants that", it's like my head was going to explode. I would try my hardest and move as fast as I could...but I always ended up being behind. Don't get me wrong, tending to my residents is of utmost importance, but some of the things they were needing me for just wasn't urgent enough for me to stop my med pass to go and tend to every little need. It makes it impossible for me to finish my med pass. On top of me being super stressed, since the facility was understaffed, it was just me and one other nurse on my shift. I felt terrible because I was so slow and that she would have to do all of her duties and end up having to pick up all my slack as well. I actually felt bad for whichever nurse I was having to work with on my shift for the day...cause I knew they would be stressed to the max by the end up of night. I could also sense that some nurses didn't wanna work with me because of it and it just killed my self esteem. I literally felt too incompetent to be there a lot of the time. A lot of the more experienced nurses were just rude to me. A lot of days it was hard for me to even get out of my car to go inside the facility for another shift. I seriously felt sick to my stomach about it. I ended up quitting after about 4 weeks. Although I really did not like that job, I am really bummed that I quit because now I don't know if I would of ever been good enough. I think to myself, "Could I of mastered my duties and become a good nurse?". It just did not help my confidence about nursing and now I feel a tremendous amount of anxiety about trying to find another job. I just don't want to go through the humiliation again. I know the only way to get experience is just to go out there and do it...but it's really hard! I'm passionate about nursing, but I just feel really discouraged and wondering if I am cut out for it. I don't feel like I'm organized enough! My mind is just everywhere because there is so much to be done! I guess I am just needing some words of encouragement. Anyone else ever felt like this? Did it eventually get better? How long did it take for you? Any advice/encouragement is so greatly appreciated!!