New Grad: Starting a new career and starting a family; Advice needed

nghtfltguy, BSN, RN · Feb 19, 2009

all i can tell you is follow your heart~

you will know what is right when the time comes...

i wish you the best of luck~~

:cool:

cyadontwannabeya · Feb 19, 2009

I know what it feels like to miscarry all the way to % months. It is an emotionally devisitating time to try to make any future plans. I say take it easy, recover emotionally and physically, check all tour options then at a liter time make a decision based on what you know is good for you and your family. I believe right now you are still grieving and need some time. God bless you and your love ones.

rebtur4 · Feb 19, 2009

I'm also a nursing student. I'll be finished in august. I have two children one girl and one boy, ages, 8 and 4. I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. What you really need to consider is whether or not you think you'll be able to leave your child and go to work when it's only a few weeks old. Everyone is different, but with my first child I was very territorial. I felt that no one could care for her or do for her the way I could. She was about 8 months old before I went back to work. It was the hardest thing I thought I had ever done. But she was my first and being a new mom is a learning experience. You eventually learn that it's OK to let them out of your sight, but it doesn't make it any easier. With my son I was just as territorial but I had learned a few things, like letting him sleep in is crib instead of with me (thats a big one). My daughter was almost six before I got her out of my bed. You also have to think about the cost of daycare. It's ridiculous. Also finding a good daycare is hard, you have to be careful who you leave your children with these days. I gave up on being satisfied. My sister tends to my children. But like I said everyone is different, and it's true you need to be careful where you work, but as far as everyday things people catch (viruses, colds, ect) you'll have many years of long nights tending to your child. There like little maganets that catch everything that goes around, it won't be your fought. You probably won't have to worry about that unless they go to daycare or when they start preschool. Also consider your finacial state I only say that because of the way the economy is. Diapers and formula are very expense. Jokingly I've always said if you wait until you can afford to have children you never will, but anymore you don't know from one day to the next whether you'll have a job when you get to work. There are a lot of expenses that come with having children. Having a child is a wonderful experience and I encourage anyone who is in a stable relationship and can support a child, to have one. I wish you the best of luck with your decision.

njbabyrn · Feb 19, 2009

Are your going to go back to work full or part time and provide the insurance or is hubby? To receive federal job protection benefits you must be a your place of employemnt for 1 year. . .can you wait 6 months and try again? But kno if there are complications your job will not be protected. . .If that is of no consiquence at this point for you, then get to the baby making :) I am a NICU nurse - did you find out why you miscarried. . .progesterone levels. . .issues with baby. . .did you find out?

NCtoCOgirl · Feb 19, 2009

Hey there -

I've had similar thoughts... I'm graduating in May, I'm 32, and my husband is 43. 2nd degree, 2nd career, yada yada yada, and we're ready for babies. I have been thinking a lot about where to work (short v. long commute, big teaching hospital 40 miles away v. small community hospital 10 minutes away), and how important it is to get experience under my belt before we get started on the parenting journey.

I had a great conversation last week with our director of clinical placements. She told me that it was about priorities - lifestyle, acuity of patients, working environment, etc. The thing she said that resonated with me most was that the first few years of my career could be very influential in what came next. In other words, if I spend a couple of years getting great experience, seeing acute patients, learning everything I can learn, and overall becoming as competent as I can, then after that time, I could choose to go more part time.

So, I'm now thinking that I'll spend the next year or two gaining experience and competence, try to get pregnant in the middle of that, and see how it goes. I just really appreciated her insight that I could put my time in now and reap the benefits with a more part time status down the line, if that's what my husband and I choose to do. It may mean that we won't have to find child care at all, and I love that.

Best of luck. This is a really tough dilemma, and there are so many of us who are going through it.

chris31 · Feb 19, 2009

cyadontwannabeya

Thank you for the advice and compassion. You're very sweet.

rebtur4

Thank you also for the great advice and for sharing your story. Fortunately we're not dependent on my income, although we are looking forward to it My husband has been a teacher for 9 years and has a stable and secure income/career. My husband's employer also provides our insurance coverage. I hear you about the expenses of a child, and if I know me I'm certain I will go crazy with buying all the extras we probably really don't need I'm certain I will have difficulty leaving my baby, but hubby and I have a possible plan. We figure I'm most likely to work night shifts to begin as a new grad. My husband gets out of work at 1:15pm. We're thinking that the baby can always be with one of us because of our schedules. Plus we have great mothers and a near by sis that can help when necessary. What do you think?

njbabyrn

Thank you for that information. That's great to know. You're probably so right about advising to wait at least 6 months into the new job. I think I can handle that. That's not too long to wait. So you're a NICU nurse? How long? How do you like it? L&D and NICU are the units I'm considering, however so many advise to do at least one year of Med/Surg or Tele before specializing. But then again I hear there are so many New Grad programs for these units. What's your advice? As for the miscarriage the doc just told me that every pregnancy has a 1/5 chance of miscarriage and it's usually just to an abnormality in the embryo and it can't continue to develop. He reassured me that there's no reason to think I did anything wrong or that it will happen again. There's an 80% chance of success every time also. So that gives me hope. Thanks for asking.

NCtoCOgirl

I like your plan! I also like the idea of having the baby with either of us at all times and not having to worry about child care.

Everyone,

Thank you for the well wishes and it is so nice to see that I'm not the only one going through this. It seems that these types of dilemmas are those which most women encounter. It makes me hopeful that the women on which ever unit I end up on will be understanding.

RN2be_07 · Feb 19, 2009

A few of the girls who I graduated with had babies in their 1st year of nursing - plus if you get PG now or in a few months it will mean you will have almost all of the 1st year over with by the time the baby is born. Most hospitals are very good about granting maternity leave and then you go right back. Start your family - IMO your heart is always more important then career.

Renald · Feb 19, 2009

I'm sorry to hear that bad news. I wish you the very best on whatever decision you make.

rebtur4 · Feb 19, 2009

My husband aslo has a good job and it's been nearly 3 years since i've worked. I attend school 4 days a week. My husband works 4 days on and 4 days off 12 hour rotating shifts between night and day. My daughter is in school and my son is either with my husband or my sister depending on his days off. Our parents also help out a lot. So I know from experience that it can be done. Follow your heart you want regret it. Children are the most precious gifts you will ever recieve and the first time you look in your childs eyes you'll forget what life was like before they came along. Good Luck!