New Grad Cover Letter Critique

[theRPN2b]

I am currently doing my final placement on a geriatric medical ward. The manager has told me that I am welcome to hand in my resume and cover letter. I would like some critique on my cover letter.

Dear Ms. X

I am writing to express my interest in working as a Registered Practical Nurse on unit X - Medicine . I am currently a semester 4 practical nursing student at __ College doing my final placement alongside a preceptor on unit X. I will have completed the program on December 18th 2015 and I will be writing the CPNRE on January 11th 2016.

My clinical placements and volunteer work have taken place in areas with a high geriatric population. Through this I have developed an understanding of the needs of this age group. These experiences have helped me to modify the care I provide to the patients of unit X. While consolidating on unit X, my preceptor has given me a high evaluation on collaborative practice. I had the opportunity to work closely with nurses and various other members of the health care team on unit X, which has given me a good insight of the treatment goals of this unit.

As noted on my resume, I have completed the majority of my clinical placements at [insert name of hospital system]. I am familiar with the mission, vision and values of the organization. I always seeking out opportunities to enhance my practice and educate myself so I can provide the best care possible for all patients I provide care to.

I have attached a copy of my resume. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

my name

I posted my resume to critique in another thread. here is the link:

https://allnurses.com/nursing-resume-help/new-grad-resume-1024579.html

THANK YOU :)

[zephyr9]

Hi, it sounds like you are in a good position for hire because of your familiarity with the unit. I too am trying for a job on the unit of my last clinical rotation.

My suggestions:

Pare it down. This:

"....express my interest in working as a Registered Practical Nurse on Unit X-Medicine. I am currently a semester 4 practical nursing student at ____College doing my final placement alongside a preceptor on Unit X. I will have completed the program on Dec. 18th 2015 and I will be writing the CPNRE on Jan 11 2016."

would become this:

"...express my interest in the Registered Practical Nurse position on Unit X, where I am currently in my final placement with _____RN as my preceptor. I will be writing the CPNRE on Man 11, 2016."

Next couple sentences could be pared down to:

"I have developed a strong understanding of the needs of geriatric patients during my XX clinical hours on your unit and (some descriptor) volunteer work, which has refined my patient care skills." (Not sure what consolidating means here, does it have some contextual meaning specific to your program?) " _____RN has closely observed me interacting with other team members as I implement the treatment goals of Unit X, and has stated that my collaborative practice is ____."

For the last paragraph, it seems like you are trying to restate and tie everything together..."as stated on my resume, I have completed the majority of my clinical placements at___." It looks like you are reiterating that you are almost done with your clinical placements, which you stated in the first paragraph (4th semester). On the 2nd or 3rd reading I realized that you are saying that MOST of your clinicals were also done at the hospital you are trying to work at. Maybe reword that somehow. You could insert, "This is my Xth clinical rotation at ____Medical Center, also including Units W, Y, and Z," into the first paragraph. Then with the last paragraph say something like,

"The hours I've spent with the nurses there, delivering patient care, have brought me into alignment with _____Medical Center's values of _____, _____, and ________. If I am selected as a nurse for Unit X, I will continually seek out opportunities to enhance my practice and educate myself, giving the best possible care to all my patients."

(The last paragraph you forgot the word "am" and said, "provide the best care possible to all the patients I provide care to..." awkward.)

So with what you have there, that would be my suggestions. Then with the pared down version you might be able to slip in/fit in something else specific to your talent or an achievement somewhere.

Hope that was some help to you! Good luck!