Nervous but hopefull

[Aniroc]

Hello Everyone,

First thanks for reading this post and even greater thanks if you respond.

I've been in a strange situation for the last few years, one that extends from my last 2 semesters in nursing school and now. I'm recovering from some personal problems, issues I can't mention here because they fall out of the scope of this website.

I graduated with my BScN in December and wrote my CRNE in June and I was surprised to find out that I passed. I've been stagnant in getting my career going and recently I had to put the fire under my own feet to get started. I did my final practicum in public health and thought that I could work in community health, but i don't think that is the right move for me - at least not yet. Now, its been years since I've bedside nursed and I admit that I am getting very anxious thinking if I will indeed be able to provide safe competent care. I've been applying for jobs and have been playing phone tag with a few organizations, but I am feeling very very nervous and scared.

I was wondering if you all had any words of wisdom, personal stories, or suggestions for me to help me keeping my feet moving one in front of the other. I don't want to look back any longer and I don't want to waste my potential. I always did well in school and during my clincial rotations. Everyone said I was going to be a great nurse, I just didn't believe them and ended up losing my drive.

Thanks for listening

[RNRutRO]

Aniroc-

I am NO doctor, so keep thatin mind. What you described sounds like a bit of depression. Hmmm? The "lack of drive" Or is it a lack of confidence? Or both? Might be you need to go and talk to someone who is qualified in that area.

I think all good nurses have a little bit of self doubt. I personally worry about the ones that don't. You know the one that thinks they know everything? Since there isn't a lot of specifics in your post, maybe I am completely off the mark. But, one thing I do know, there are so many opportunities in nursing. If bedside nursing isn't for you, there are other avenues to do. You sound like you're pretty smart. Have you thought of teaching? Have you thought about a program that sets you up with a preceptor for an extended period of time? The smartest nurse in our class, the one that wanted to be a flight nurse and we all went to to be our tutor...turned out she HATED ICU. The stress and having to react so quickly on a daily basis, was just too much for her. She ended up doing a 12 week inern program and became a mother/baby nurse.

Good luck!

[Magsulfate, BSN, RN]

I agree with RNrutro... and I also would like to add that .. I was the LAST person to realize that I was depressed. And you will be the last to realize this. Go to the doctor and tell him/her your concerns and what is going on... You'd be amazed at the help you can get from a doctor and even a counselor.

[Aniroc]

Thank you for the replies...

With an absolute and astounding yes, I was certainly depressed especially during the last 2 years of my nursing education, but I fought with vigor to carry on even though I was acting out in unhealthy damaging ways (which came to a head and have subsided substantially). I have been on medication and have been titrated off now and I do feel 'healthier' which is why I feel that I can now enter in my career with a bit more confidence.

I think if my class mates knew who I really was, they'd be shocked as I was one of those students that everyone thought was 'doing well', since I had the grades and even the support and admiration of my instructors - but I always knew I was different. I thought differntly, I was an older mature student as it was, and I dedicated myself completely until I started burning out. I don't know what happened but I lost a lot of my confidence in my abilities to provide good safe care and even as I review and prepare for entry into my carreer I find myself getting into mildly anxious thinking about what would I do in this case, or would I assess this right or would I catch "x" in time. Will I interact with the physicans in an appopriate way? I need to gain my assertivenss and my love for caring for people back.

As it is, I may have a new grad position since I have just gotten my second reference into recruitment. I know that everyone gets a bit nervous when they embark into their career, i just need to shake off the nerves. The is nothing to say that I won't be a good nurse and all I can do is provide the best care possible. The new grad program is great becuase its 150 hours of mentored orientation, which I will take as much from as possible.

Its nice to know I have support here, since I havven't kept in touch with any of my nursing mates (more out of shame than anything). So thank you.

Really.

Thank you

[RNRutRO]

Best of luck and keep us posted! Funny how no one REALLY knows someone, isn't it.

You'll make a great nurse!

[Cherybaby]

Aniroc.

No advice other than what was given. You have all the makings of a fine nurse. You'll do great.

[Aniroc]

Just to keep you up to date, I interviewed today for a medical position. The interview was a grueling hour and a half and I had to answer a lot of tough questions. But the result is not only do I get new grad hours with a mentor, but I was also offered FT relief line as the manager said this would a great opportunity for me to consolidate my practice. I am very happy but very nervous.

Essentially what I have to do, especially over the next six months is to fully engulf myself in nursing. By working on my areas of weakness and increasing my knowledge till I get into a place where I can cut down on this extra work, I can and will embody this new transition. This is a huge step!

Thank you for all your support.