Needing some reassurance about returning to work, Please!!!

[ShannonB25]

Hi everyone,

I am about to return to work on Thursday after an almost two year hiatus resulting from a ridiculous amount of medical problems. I was supposed to have started my new job a month ago, but have had the month from hell. First a miscarriage, followed by cholecystitis, then gallbladder surgery. I've been hospitalized twice more since then also.

To top it ALL off, I had a car accident last night and am lucky to be alive (according to the paramedics and cops at the scene). Due to a med I'd inadvertantly stopped taking, I had a small seizure and plowed into a parked car, which was luckily abandoned.

Sigh....I just don't know what to expect next. Needless to say, I'm sore today. No concussion, but I have a heckuva headache, a very bruised spleen and several internal contusions, etc. It could have been soooo much worse, and I thank God that I didn't end up dead or hospitalized yet again.

Anyway, back to my job- I'm worried to death about starting my new job on Friday. I am lucky enough to have gained employment with a reputable hospital who has been EXTREMELY understanding through all of this mess in the past month. I want to do a great job for them, but I'm nervous because I have been out of work for so long, and I had about 2 1/2 yrs experience in Labor and Delivery, so they hired me as an experienced nurse.

My concerns are: What if I dont' get enough orientation time due to the fact that I do have experience? What if I've forgotten a lot of what I learned during those two years? What if things have changed a lot in the past 2 years since I've worked? What if, due to the fact that this is a much higher risk hospital, I am embarking on a huge learning curve, even with my experience?

I've been crying all night, trying not to feel sorry for myself, but I can't help but wonder "What next???" I know the old hormones are not yet back to normal, I still have some pain and digestive problems post-chole, and the car accident yesterday just topping it off- well, I feel more than a little depressed and overwhelmed.

Someone please reassure me that I can do the job that I signed on to do starting on Friday. I really want to impress the heck out of my nurse manager, and I want to truly earn the money that my family so desperately needs from me in my paycheck. (All of this, of course, comes after my first priority- my patients, who deserve the very best nursing care that they can get.)

My anxiety regarding my job is literally keeping me from getting any type of sleep at all. I think part of it too is the fact that while I loved night shift at my former hospital, when I switched to days we were severely understaffed and I had the witch from Hades as charge every time I worked- not a good situation to be thrust into day after day, no matter how much you love your job.

Well, keep me in your prayers if nothing else please. I really could use them.

With thanks and much love,

Shannon

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

Hi Shannon. My condolences on your misscarriage.

Don't be your own worst enemy here. You're setting yourself for failure with all your negative thinking and worrying about things that haven't occurred and may not occur.

You might be a classic case of anxiety and stress and concurrent accidents and illnesses. (illnesses a month ago when you were to start the job, and now this). So I would get as much help for stress-related anxiety as I would the medical/physical problems if I were you.

I'm sorry to hear about all your medical problems and hope they get better. Take care.

[RosesrReder, BSN, MSN, RN]

Shannon I am so sorry to read about all the mishaps. I am truly sorry about the miscarriage as well.

I think that you have every right in the world the way you do hun, but please give yourself a chance. They wouldn't have hired you if you weren't a great nurse. Thank the Lord that nothing far worst has happened to you and that you are still here with the living for a reason. Also, you say your job has been so understanding and that is just even more good news.

I know it is hard to see the bright side of things after all that has happened to you.....but you must. You must do it, so that you can slowly crawl out the hole you have fallen into and more importantly so that you don't keep pushing yourself deeper inside.

Clear your mind and be positive. Look at yourself in the mirror and CONVINCE yourself that you can do this and that you will.

I have faith in you and I don't even know you......so it's time you do the same. Thank the man up above for being with you and ask him for guidance and things will be better.

Promise me you will try it. I wish you nothing but the best of luck and you will be in my prayers. :icon_hug:

[ShannonB25]

Thank you for the kind words. I really need them right now. I couldn't sleep at all last night. My head was pounding and my abdomen is really sore (from the big ole bruise on my spleen), and emotionally I feel really down right now.

I was bawling my eyes out this morning and my DH made some comments to me that were hurtful and thoughtless as well. He blamed my not sleeping last night on myself and said that I keep doing this to myself, it's basically my fault. I just don't see how any of what I've been through in the past month has been my fault, and it hurts me terribly for him to tell me that.

I'm just worn out with all of it.

I will keep what you guys suggested in mind with regard to my starting work again Friday. I remember repeating to myself in the shower when I was in nursing school, "I can do this. I'm a good person. I can handle this" and just trying to utilize the positive self talk. It worked then so hopefully it'll help again.

Thanks again just for listening.