Need career advice, nursing with kids, can't handle Peds anymore?

[uRNmyway, ASN, RN]

So here's the thing. All I have ever wanted to do is work with children. In fact, if I didn't go into nursing, I would have entered early childhood education.

I worked in mother-baby, started orientation through my nursing agency on a pediatric floor, and loved it all. Got my neonatal resuscitation class, and even completed orientation in an intermediate care nursery. I just could not get enough of it.

But now the problem: I now have a wonderful 14 month old baby girl. She is the love of my life, my pride and joy. And since the moment they put her in my arms, I started seeing her face on every sick child I was in contact with. Any child on the news, killed, dying..I saw her perfect blue eyes.

How am I supposed to reconcile having all my career plans thrown out the window? How do you moms out there who work in pediatrics do it? How do you separate yourselves from it all?

I really need help to figure it out, because as it is, I have to re-evaluate all I had planned on doing. Thank you to all for your input.

[uRNmyway, ASN, RN]

Anyone?

[zephyr9]

...well,

I'm not a nurse, not yet. But I'm a mother and a grandmother and I do see my babies in the faces other children. And sometimes in the faces of the ones we'd rather turn away from too.

Um, I cry a lot! Movies,even previews, hahaha!! I feel the pain of others so easily.

This is the reason that motherhood has been called "the wound that never heals."

Interestingly, one of my instructors, a pediatric nurse, is doing a PhD dissertation on "compassion fatigue" in pediatric nurses.

I know in my personal life, with this sort of almost wierdly compassionate impulse in my view towards individuals, I frequently experience an antipathy towards people in general. But then, I'm crazy and everyone knows it.

I applaud your consistent movement towards your goal, and more so, your knowing what it is you wanted, a gift in itself!

I say, don't be scared and just give it away!

My reckoning is that the pain you will experience as a burden of your calling in life, will make the love you have for you family more perfect. I believe the value of your treasure will increase in proportion to the tears from your job.

Just don't be one of those crazy "smothering" mommies, lol!

[uRNmyway, ASN, RN]

Haha, thanks. I keep having to remind myself not to smother her. I read these horror stories about kids getting hurt, killed, abused, kidnapped, etc. It makes me want to interview anyone who comes in a 10ft radius of her, and place some kind of homing device on her so I can find her in emergencies lol. I obviously never would, but I think it at times

I guess I am just afraid that I would become too paranoid, too emotionally involved because of it. There has to be some kind of disconnect somewhere to be able to separate home and work. And before my daughter came along, it was easy to do. Not so much anymore. Maybe I will just have to see how I can handle it before I make any rash decisions about changing my whole career plan. Thank you for your input and advice! I think as a grandmother especially, you understand that need to protect at any cost, more so than a parent!

[SillyStudent, ASN, RN]

Hi,I totally understand. I was working in the ER of a class 2 trauma center when my child was killed in an accident. I changed to phone nursing for awhile. Now I am back in the ER, but at a hospital that takes no trauma. We are surrounded by class 1/2 trauma centers. Sometimes a career change is in order when your work causes you extra anxiety.

[Good Morning, Gil]

I'm not a mother, but what you're describing is probably much of the reason many working mothers don't work in peds. The ones that love it and separate it can possibly give you some advice. I work with adults and am not a mother, but I couldn't imagine working with sick babies/children once I have children, and not worry about "what could happen" to them. I work with critical adults and then sometimes think about how my parents are aging (which I don't like lol), and so, I think it's natural to a degree.

Maybe working in another nursing area, with adults, for a while until your kids are grown? There are so many different areas, and since you're experienced, you should have the "one up" to get a job.

[uRNmyway, ASN, RN]

I know that working in other areas remains a possibility. I guess my freakout is mostly because I never really *wanted* to work in any other area. I enjoy med-surg, but would prefer it with kids. Med-surg with adults with more co-morbidities than you can count, who get aggressive, sundowners...All that stuff, while it certainly makes for interesting shifts, makes me feel like I am useless and not doing what I should be doing. Also, it just seems like with kids, they rebound so darn quickly. They typically need to be REALLY sick to not make it. Whereas with adults, they require so much more time and effort to get better, no matter how hard you work on them. I always felt so much more validated by making kids better than with adults, something about how innocent and fragile they are probably.

I wonder if there are any resources I can look at, other than AN, to help me figure this out. Should I consider a therapist or something to help me see if I could get over my anxiety?

[zephyr9]

Talking with a therapist can really give clarity, because their personal opinions don't enter into it. It's all about you and how they can help you know yourself.

Are you actually doing pediatric nursing now, at this time, in a hospital with sick kids, and experiencing anxiety at work?

[uRNmyway, ASN, RN]

No, at this moment I am doing home health. I am supposed to start doing med-surg again soon. But there are so many stories in the news lately of children getting hurt or killed, and it makes me paranoid. I don't know, maybe if I had to focus on work and skills I might be able to put aside my emotions. Or maybe I would break down if a sick/injured child reminded me too much of my daughter. I might just have to look at therapy for it when I have extra income. Any idea where to find someone who might specialize in this?

[zephyr9]

[quote=J......... emotions. Or maybe I would break down if a sick/injured child reminded me too much of my daughter...

If you wanted to find someone good who specializes in this...but what is ""this? It's not just generalized anxiety, you have a real focus: children, and trauma, and possible tragedies, fear of the feelings...it sounds painful. You didn't mention whether other aspects of your life or behavior have changed. It sounds like a projected fear, a "what if?" When you wonder about where to find someone, a couple things came to mind...at our Whole Foods in town they have these magazines, they are sort of area resource guides with health/wellness related articles in them, where the advertisers are healers of all types...lots of alternative, holistic stuff, and also really innovative, well-rounded therapists, psychologists, and various natural healing practitioners, and most of the ads have photos of the person, and descriptive text about what they specialize in. Some of them look like they offer some really unique skills, wish I could check some of them out.

If you are of a faith, you might be able to find a clergy who is a therapist. With what you are experiencing, it just seems like you need some extra added element of comfort! I guess that's why if it was me, I wouldn't be thinking a cognitive behavioral approach. Although, that could help too, depending on what your belief system is...if you look at this as just unpleasant inhibiting anxiety symptoms created by unwelcome negative thoughts, and you just want them to go away so you can get on with your life, maybe a couple months of cognitive behavioral therapy would work well. But if you are going to be delving deep, you definately want someone special...you could find someone by doing an online search...you are a nurse, and a mom, so I know you're resourceful.

Huh. I don't watch the news.

For some reason, your dilemma makes me think of the cop on Law and Order, SVU. Elliott. Dunno why.

There is another forum I use, it's great. It's the Straight Dope Message Board. You can ask any question about anything. I saw a question from a guy in an isolated situation in Alaska working with all other men, and no women, for months on end, and he asked: What are some good reads about women in situations with no men for long periods of time...about the social structures they create without men? And he got sooo many replies with suggestions of books. The reason I say this is...I don't know if you are a reader, but the right book at the right time can be a therapeutic experience. You could post on that board about your dilemma, and ask for a book about something like that. I bet you'd get hits. Sometimes if you get into a good book, and you identify with the character, when they find resolution in the end, you benefit from their resolution too. It could be a nice piece for you...

[uRNmyway, ASN, RN]

Wow, thank you very much for your input and suggestions Zephyr9. I will try to keep an eye out for those magazines. A friend of mine works at Whole Foods, she might be able to recommend something/someone.

And honestly, as to the source of the anxiety, I haven't really explored it all that much. Any time I try to think about it I tear up and since it often happens while I am at work, I just suppress it.

And I will check out this message board you recommended. I love to read, and could definitely look at getting audio books to listen to while I drive to work.

Thank you very much to all who took some time to answer me. This is why I love AN. Although we are human and can lash out and criticize each other, we are also so good at supporting each other.