Need advice. Stressed out!

Thinking of you, Suzie. I'm so sorry for the loss of your parent as well! 

I'm a new grad in a residency and I was just given my permanent unit placement. We "bid" on units with openings and hoped for the best. I had been training on ortho med-surg and genuinely detested it.

I was stuck between choosing neuro trauma ICU and acute rehabilitation (this rehab floor is a strong neuro focus, but works outside of neuro as well). I really like neuro so it was a selling point for me. 

I felt, like you, that the truly life or death situations I would have to manage daily as a fresh RN would really impact me and my confidence. I was told by several people I could make it work, but I decided I didn't want to. At least not starting out. I also picked up a couple shifts on the neuro step-down unit as a "helper resident RN" (a glorified PCT, really), over the Thanksgiving weekend and it just felt like med-surg 2.0, plus over half the unit had turned into covid - it didn't feel like a good fit for me. 

I really can't say if rehab will be better, but I have a good feeling it will be. I got a nights position but another new grad got days, so I know they are out there (she got the first pick of jobs based on her SS#, which is very arbitrary). I wonder if you might like rehab more, especially if you like neuro. Pts are much more medically stable and you get to see a lot of good happen in their lives. I also started this online course about how to manage and thrive on night shift. If you want more info let me know (I'm not affiliated with the owner, just started the course and thought it could be helpful). It's not super cheap but I wanted to set myself up for success on nights because when I did nights as a CNA I handled everything all wrong and was exhausted 24/7. 

Hello. 

First, I would say sorry to hear about parent loss due to COVID.

If I may suggest thinking about the experience you might gain from working in that unit which will be your future strength. always think of your journal about the difficulty you are facing then one day you will be proud of yourself as you overcome those issues your current pain/stress will be converted into your future strength.

9 hours ago, Salamander Suzie said:

I feel like I have a good work ethic and good assessment skills BUT I do feel its unsafe for me to care for some of the high acuity patients that they hand me.

I heard a statement that changed my perception of difficulties. it says "people cry for strength that already theirs" first you had the most important component in nursing practice which is assessment thus everything built into that good practice would result in good interventions and diagnosis.

in addition throughout my experience, I noticed many nurses with outstanding knowledge and skills but not spotlighted on them which is sad, to be honest. 

and I believe that it can be applied to you as well despite not seeing you but due to the high standard of nursing education being increased which gave higher competent nurses which play role in that aspect.  

remind yourself I had good basics of skills I need to master them then proceed to next which I am afraid of and goes on then one day you would say what a journey I had which much challenges I overcome them all that the best investment you can give to your future self.

I hope that helps you feel better and all the best in your journey of hardships           

So sorry for the loss of your parents and the stress you are experiencing with your job. The nights thing is a requirement for many new grad positions, but not all. At my hospital we've had some nurses transition to days within six months because staffing is bad on every shift and we don't have a minimum requirements. Other hospitals in my area require 1-2 years on nights no questions asked and no other options. 

You are in a tough job area, neuro and trauma can have very different aspects and it sounds like maybe you're not too confident in the training you received. You're still within your first year, you could investigate other new grad options if you have an idea of where you would like to work.

For what it's worth I find neuro the most frustrating part of my ICU work. It's SO difficult to grasp all the concepts and put things together. I wish I had some great advice for you, I just hope you can figure out what will work best for your life. Good luck.