My story: why are LPN's treated so badly???

[azulocean45]

I have worked health care administration my whole life as have BS in Business Admin. I decided I wanted to be nurse so went to LPN school with intention of obtaining RN and even possibly NP. I wanted more variety to my day, better pay, feel that I am actually doing something that makes a difference and helps.

I was tops in my class due to my maturity, background knowledge and fact medicine had always been very easy for me as it made sense. When I was on clinicals other nurses would think I was a new hire as they could not believe the things I knew (how health care insurance works, billing & coding, how prior auth's work, executive asst to two medical and nursing directors, computers and troubleshooting etc.) and that I was competent as I did everything by the book.

I started out at the VA in the inpatient hospice and wound ward. My mother who I took care of had died not too long before I went to school and we were never told about hospice or any of the other care she should have received. She ended up having a horrific and very traumatic death that I was blamed for by my father. So I thought it was God's divine intervention that I would start out in hospice as I could give those the care my mom did not. I loved wound care and was very good with it too. The VA's protocol as I was taught for irrigating wounds was to use the 3 ml tubes saline for nebulizers (several of them) as irrigation for huge deep wounds and that was the standard practice! I could not believe it! I did not know what to say as I was being taught as went against everything nursing school taught me. I was absolutely horrified. But bucking the system I found was not looked upon as favorably at VA. So I would create every shift the proper items to do am irrigation and the next day it would be all gone and not yet expired. I figured I could not get in trouble doing things correctly but it was a huge waste of money and the patients started asking me why I was doing it different and all I could say to them is that this how nursing school had taught me. So I was making everyone else look bad.

Almost everything they were teaching me was wrong! I had been taught charting is a legal document and had no time at all during my shift to do so. So I would stay after I clocked out to do it. My super would be telling I should not need to do this and why was it taking me so long as it did not anyone else. Well I was doing proper charting to save my ass should it come to that and finally one of the other nurses showed me how to chart and I was horrified! They said nothing! Like two sentences on each patient. I was taught if it was not charted it was not done.

The RN training me very obviously did not like me, my other co-workers were in cliques and did not want me to even be there either. After 2 or 3 weeks (that was my training period) I was expected to be able to do scheduled as well as PRN pain meds for 22 inpt hospice patients plus use subq ports for continuous pain medication. At this time I was having self-esteem issues (I was scared! Peoples lives were in my hand and I had no mentor to speak with) and I was being treated for depression and the med made me sweat horribly; it would drip off my hair even which just further gave them proof of my incompetence. I could not keep up and I was getting reprimands from charge nurse, other RN nurses started treating me badly as if I knew nothing and all of this just eroded my self esteem and depression was growing worse as I felt like a failure and I was no good. I really became so nervous and beaten down that I started making mistakes and unlike the rest of the staff, I reported mine as it was the right thing to do. So I got in even more trouble and was told they were going to demote me to a PCT.

They hired this new male BSN RN who went to one of the most prestigious schools in country and he was much older than I and he thought I did a fantastic job and would actually stand up for me as much as he could. Because you see, he did not know how to do ANY procedures!! I was so shocked when he came up to me and asked me to help him! Me who was treated like an ignorant piece of crap, demoted, humiliated and ashamed but he wanted me to teach him as he knew I was doing things the correct way.

The shame, humiliation, demeaning treatment and how now even as PCT I still could not do anything right, I had to leave before they fired me and I did. I became so depressed I almost killed myself several times.

I lost all faith in my abilities to ever be a hands on nurse again and never did. I stayed in health care administration for the rest of my career and was very lucky to be hired as no one wanted LPN's anymore. I wanted to go back to school after a great many years had passed and was taking preq's to do so. But then I became very ill with a chronic condition and could no longer even work in admin as cannot feel hands to type, never know when I am going to have a "bad" day medically, and who would want to even hire me now with disabilities? I lost my career, my dreams, fellow nurses I thought were my friends, the ability to do tasks that require fine motor skills, dreams of learning to surf, go to third world countries and help those I could, to wear high heels even. I put so many dreams on hold to take care of my mom, to start what I thought was going to be fabulous career with endless possiblities, and also took care of my dad too. I am 45 yrs old and on disability; not because I wanted it at all, I want to be among the living, achieving, and doing so badly it hurts. But my employer no longer wanted to accommodate my disabilities and I did not have the energy to fight them as they had wanted me to go on disability for years. And when it came to file for LTD benefits I was denied and had only one appeal. I would have had to engage in the services of a lawyer and he told me not to bother because there would be no money left in end for me.

I look back now and wonder how all my fellow nurses (oops I guess I cannot say that anymore as RN's are the ONLY ones treated, paid, and recognized as nurses) could feed on me like a shark smelling blood in the water; how do they sleep at night?? Do they really think that is an OK way to treat anyone let alone someone in your own field and new? Does anyone know or even care how demeaning it is to say with pride that you are a nurse and have someone say back "oh, your an RN! with so much respect, honor, and impression in their voice and then for me to say " I am an LPN" and see those looks drop off their faces and look at me as not having achieved anything and my training does not count?? My own car insurance company gives discounts to "nurses" but only if you are an RN. I have run into many an RN who did procedures incorrectly, flat out lied, and cooked the charts but I never saw them get the harsh reprimand and consequences I did; even if the mistake was one that was constantly repeated and effected the entire department in a negative way. I did not deserve any of what happened to me. Had I been given the proper training, a mentor who was KIND & HELPFUL and not gone in VA system I too might have had the career I dreamt of and become a " REAL NURSE."