My personal statement for NP. Feedback needed.

[panpan]

Hi, I feel like I've been working on my personal statement forever. If somebody could proofread it for errors I would really appreciate it. Any feedback is appreciated. I need constructive criticism and don't worry I wont get offended.

I can still reminisce my first time starting intravenous therapy on a soldier who had suffered from extreme heat exhaustion during a flooding emergency. I was activated by Army National Guard in summer of 2008, and the mission was to assist with construction of 15,000 foot sandbag levee to protect the community of West Quincy. As a preventive medicine specialist and certified combat lifesaver, it was my responsibility to oversee all the guardsmen in my platoon to ensure their health and safety. This is when my passion for nursing developed. The care, and attention I gave to these service men and women came from my heart. I remember feeling an overwhelming amount of satisfaction when the soldier made a quick recovery. This was an amazing experience that changed my life. My unit commander appointed me as the health educator for the _________ Company soon after. I was assigned to teach basic first aid classes. Before a class, I would always spend enormous amount of time researching the material I was prepared to teach. My objective was to keep the class informative, interactive, and most importantly fun. I find this experience very rewarding as I get to share and educate others on what I have learned.

The boot camp experience in my earlier years of service in the military has helped me gained a strong foundation in my ability to achieve anything I set my mind to. I learned to work under stressful situation through intense physical and mental training. I am not afraid to immerse myself in diverse environments as my drill sergeant pointed out that I was the only Chinese-American female soldier-in-training. I then became a strong advocate in cultural awareness, and educated my peers on ethnic differences. I witnessed firsthand that medical treatment in a patient's native language not only puts them at ease, but also made them more involved in the plan of care. My ability to speak Mandarin fluently helped reduce the frustration and possible misinformation of emigrated patients. I want to continue to contribute to the healthcare system by serving unique patient population in a way that makes them feel valued. My commitment to provide the best evidence-based care to the vulnerable population is unquestionable. I envision myself volunteering on future missions in poverty stricken countries.

To date, I have approximately 3 years of professional nursing experience, with the first two years in Cardiac Stepdown and now my current year in Surgical Intensive Care Unit. I am proud to be a registered nurse, and enjoyed providing hands-on bedside care and education to patients. However, my goal is to further my learning experience and advance into a diagnostic aspect of this profession. Earning a master level degree in Primary Adult Nurse Practitioner will help expand my knowledge to deliver competent, and responsible health cares to the people in my community. Choosing __________is the most natural and logical choice. I recognize that ________offers global health programs and promotes cultural awareness within in nursing. Combined with my military background and ICU experiences, I feel I am adequately prepared for the challenges ahead. I am disciplined and motivated to start this exciting journey, and hope to inspire others along the way.

THANK YOU!