Hi everyone,
I am writing to see if anyone had a problem with nerves similar to mine and what you have done about it.
My problem is that when I see something that most would consider "gross" I get nervous, smile and kind of laugh.
For example, if I am watching television and I see them performing an operation and they are doing something to the patient that makes me "squidgy" or "cringe" I smile and start to laugh. Like, if they are showing a liposuction and they are sticking and moving the suction all around or just take out a scalpal and start cutting away like there's no tomorrow it makes me smile and/or say things out loud like "Whoa" "Oh my gosh", etc. etc. Same thing when I watch a Rhinoplasty. Especially when they just start chizzeling away.
This is also true in real life. Like last week there was a cat hit on the side of the road and I pulled over to help because there were a few other people trying to help it. Well, the poor little bugger had a contusion to his eyeball and it was swelling and greatly protruding out of the socket. Not pretty at all. I kept from saying anything out loud but I know that I had a smile from ear to ear.
On the plus side, I always remain extremely calm in emergency situations however, I look like The Joker while doing it.
I'm scared to death that when I start clinicals this fall and have to go to the OR, observe various procedures or see some really outrageous things that I'm going to make an idiot of myself. I don't know if it is a reaction to nerves, adrenalin or what but I don't want doctors, clinical instructors and especially patients to think that I'm making a joke of things.