My friend withdrew from the program.

PMHNP10 · Sep 27, 2008

It's hard to say without hearing why she quit and a bit more about her. Perhaps she is young and immature? Or perhaps she allowed someone else to deflate her drive? Is there a financial situation? Did she have 1, 2, 20 bad clinical experience(s)? I know you said she doesn't quit, but, well, she did. And no offense, but as a very close, dear friend, you really don't have the unbiased perspective (as I don't have any perspective without meeting her) to be sure she truly isn't the type of person who "NEVER quits anything." And if I were to take a wild stab, I'm going to guess that her disappointment today will pale in comparison 20, 30 yrs down the road when she looks back and says...man I shoulda finished. She is in a fortunate position. She's worked hard to get where she has gotten and now she doesn't want to work any more? It doesn't jive.

I'm know i'm being kinda harsh, but I'm coming from a POV where it was just a week or so ago I wanted to quit (or delay, rather) my NP program because of this 1 class. I really really really want to. I don't think I'm a good enough nurse to be a good nurse practitioner. And I base this on the fact that I'm scared of this class and the instructor. But you know what...I'm studying for this first test. I haven't dropped the class--ask me again next week and that might change, though :-)

Sorry I couldn't provide you with words of encouragement to provide your friend. Just be her friend and support her (if she's not willing to reconsider). Or if you want to help convince her to stick it out, share some more info and maybe we can be of better assistance.

Acosmo27 · Sep 27, 2008

man thats a tough one... I can just imagine how she feels... If it were me, I would say good for her for making such a huge decision, and that she did the right thing by following her heart... nursing isnt for everyone, and that she will eventually find her "niche" and just know its right. And then I would tell her, who knows, maybe one day you will decide to go back to nursing school and that she will be more prepared to conquer it...

lemonaidangel · Sep 27, 2008

It's hard to say without hearing why she quit and a bit more about her. Perhaps she is young and immature? Or perhaps she allowed someone else to deflate her drive? Is there a financial situation? Did she have 1, 2, 20 bad clinical experience(s)?

As far as I know, there is no financial problems involved. She's been married for 27 years and her family was extremely supportive. The story that I got was that it was just too stressful. she has always been a perfectionist and does not handle failure well. Our school is notoriously tough on grading and exams, always trying to keep up their 99% NCLEX passing rate. She wasn't getting any sleep, before each test she would freak out because she had a feeling of dread in her chest because she didn't know enough. She only had one week of clinicals under her belt. I do know that she didn't like being being away from her youngest kid, who is going to graduate this year. Apparently, she decided that the anxiety and loss of sleep wasn't worth it. So she quit. I can totally understand her rationale, and I'm not looking down on her for stepping down. It was a well thought out decision. But it's still hard, for her, for me. Maybe I'm just being selfish, but I was kind of hoping we could see each other through to the end.

casi, ASN, RN · Sep 27, 2008

You need to let her know that you support her for making the best decision for her.

amjowens · Sep 27, 2008

Since she earned the grades and put in the time to get into nursing school, she probably knows deep down she can do it, especially if the program is as competitive as you say. Academically, getting into nursing school is a real confidence booster. Then, to have earned good grades in nursing school would add to that. It doesn't sound as though academic confidence is the true issue here.

Nursing is stressful. It sounds like it only increases when we graduate, as requirements of us come from all directions. I think it's very responsible of your friend to realize that she can't handle the stress of nursing if she really decided this. Too many nursing students stick it out, then (look at the statistics) quit nursing altogether after only a few years. I think this is actually sadder, first because of not being true to oneself, and second, because of misplaced energy. Everything happens for a reason I believe, and sometimes we have to go through difficulties to get "there". If your friend decides she made a mistake, she will get back into nursing school. But, I would have to admire her for being strong enough to make a decision that isn't generally popular, but seems right for her personally. Someone like this will be fine in whatever profession she desires.

You have your goals, she has hers. You sound to really care about her, but her path to happiness is hers to create.

PMHNP10 · Sep 27, 2008

But it's still hard, for her, for me. Maybe I'm just being selfish, but I was kind of hoping we could see each other through to the end.

Absolutely reasonable given all the time you've invested in attempting to help her get to the program. I hope you don't feel like you kinda failed because of her decision to quit. It would be very understandable if that were the case, but rest assured her decision has nothing to do with you. You were a friend, and based on what you've said, IMHO, that is the best thing you can continue to be.

lemonaidangel · Sep 27, 2008

Thank you all for your words of advice. I know in my heart it was the right decision for her. In a way, I feel kind of relieved for her, too. She made me nervous just looking at her sometimes!

To each his own path in life, eh?

I don't know why this is distracting me so much. I can't let this get me down. She may not be in nursing school anymore, but I still am. We have three tests next week that I need to prepare for. And so it continues on.

Thanks again to all who posted.

amjowens · Sep 27, 2008

I have to add, during my first clinical semester, I found myself getting "down" when any of my friends didn't do well, or if anyone had problems. Inside, I started feeling guilty (and long before, learned not to share my As and other personal acheivements with others) about doing well. Just recently, I was really hurt when one of my friends flunked out second semester. I still feel it. All along, I'd tried to help her, study with her, give her little bits of advice (difficult to tell someone shouldn't be working full-time, etc.), and pretty much help her in any way she needed. She doesn't want much to do with any of us still in school, and it does hurt. I've let her know that I care about her no matter what, but I think she doesn't want to face seeing us pass and her not. It's just a bad situation, and no way around it, it feels bad.

As nurses, we are going to be faced with patients who continue to be self-defeating, a system that keeps on failing, and all kinds of "wrongs". I think most nurses go into nursing wanting to help, to give...we often get attached and take it personally when all our work doesn't create the good we see possible. Maybe this can be a lesson for you. I know it sounds cold, but I think it's so important to have boundaries a little. It does hurt to see others possibly hurting, and yes, do your part, but somehow there's this art of giving without losing you. I'm still trying to work this out for myself, and maybe it's continuous. But, I think we must try, or else we risk becoming the kind of nurse who stops reaching out too much because we've been hurt too much.

chevyv, BSN, RN · Sep 28, 2008

If your friend states that she is relieved regarding her decision, then be happy for her. Many students find out that first semester that they actually hate it. Some question it in their final semester. Better to find out now than in 5 long years. Be supportive of her decision and just be her friend.