My first...

seizure.

"I have a medication for you" I said in my usual, quiet 3am demeanor. Turning around I saw him, entire torso taut, arms rigid, pulling against the wrist restraints. His eyes were large and focused dead on me, mouth clenched in a silent "you", as if telling me not to move.

My heart caught in my chest, slowly rising to my throat. Through my terror I talked to him, my brain screaming at me to call for help, my heart petrified that, in a detoxifying fury he was angry at me for bringing him a medication.

I stood there, anchored to the floor with the weight of my job, unsure if to hit the call light for help or back away slowly.

Fifteen seconds, he relaxes, eyes focusing back to the tv, arms soft, face losing the fierce red it had gained. His eyes came back to me, their normal confusion in place.

"I would really like some juice"

I walked out of the room furious. In the terror of the moment I managed to perceive (though I hope of all hopes my brain knows better) that this man had just tweaked on me. I walked the floor, trying to calm my shattered insides when the charge (a good friend of mine) called me over to give report.

I was distracted and she could tell.

"What's wrong?" She asked with a modicum of interest.

I explained the situation, and what I thought had just happened.

and she laughed at me...

"No, I don't think he was mad, are you sure he didn't have a seizure."

My heart hit the floor. A seizure...

I couldn't believe I had let my heart fight so against my brain to miss the clear signs of a person having a seizure! I went back and checked my patient, he was still mindlessly watching the movements on the television. My presence caught his attention and he looked at me, and asked once again for orange juice, and a scissors to cut the "tape" off his wrists that was keeping him stuck to the bed.

Doctors were paged, meds given, meds changed, consults called, pt is fine.

Sometimes the first times...scare the spirit right out of me.

Tait